Want to ask friend to be bridesmaid who has cancer

AllieK2010

I want to ask a close friend to be a bridesmaid. The only problem is she has cancer and at this point does not know what her prognosis is, and the wedding is next July. My concerns are:1)I have no idea what her health will be like at the time and she, at this point, probably doesn't either.2)She is obviously acquiring a lot of hospital bills right now so money could be an issue.3)she's such a nice, giving person that I'm worried that she'd say yes without really knowing if she could commit or not.I'm trying to think of a low-pressure way to ask her. I was thinking of sending her a cute card and asking her in the card and would tell her if money is a condition I will pay for her dress and I would not expect her to do any other bridesmaid duties except be there on the wedding day. I care more about her being there for me on that day rather than her buying a dress, etc.Does this sound alright? Does anyone else have suggestions on how to go about this? Like I said, I do NOT want to put her on the spot and add more stress to her life. But she has been a dear friend for almost ten years and I want to honor her.Thank you!

becs11048

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. If it was me, I would wait on the whole bridal party selection thing. It is too early anyways. Wait until 6 months before and by then you will have a better handle on things. Just be there for your friend right now and try to take her mind off things and support her emotionally because she will need all the support she can get to get through this.

Leah&Christian09

I would definately ask this girl in person, with just the two of you.  Talk to her about how important your friendship is and ask her if she'd be willing to be a BM, and wait to see what she says.  If she has concerns about her health, assure her that you would still consider her to be a BM even if she had a problem and couldn't attend the wedding.  If she has concerns with money, offer to pay for her dress.  If she has concerns with performing some dreamed up duties, assure her that any BM's only duty is to get a dress and smile.  Anything else a BM does is a gift or a favor.

tidetravel

I'm worried that she'd say yes without really knowing if she could commit or not.What is there to commit to?  Buying a dress and standing up at the wedding is all that is "required of her".  She's under no obligation to help you plan, throw a shower or any other parties for you.If you want her at the wedding, ask her.  Keep her situation in mind and make accommodations if necessary; when you choose BP attire - maybe offer to pay for her dress if she can't afford it.  If for some reason she cannot be at the wedding, keep her listed in the program as a BM. 

banana468

When you have a moment, just ask her.Let her know that you'd love it if she's a BM for your upcoming wedding and see what she says.  If you can, offer to buy her dress.Beyond that, let her handle what she can/can't do as the wedding approaches.

adgenya

I would ask her. I would not expect her to do any other bridesmaid duties except be there on the wedding dayYour bridesmids have no other "duties" other than to pay for their dress and be there on the wedding day. Anything else they offer to do is a gift.

hbquinn

Well, if you don't want to wait to ask people to be in the wedding and if she didn't have cancer you would ask her to do it with no concern then I would still ask her. Let her know you want her to be in your wedding, but say that down the line if it's too much stress/money/time etc...that she could just bow out gracefully, but that you wanted to ask her and let her make the choice eventually. Just tell her that you plan on paying for her dress, and don't even bring up money. I'd give her the option and that way she at least won't think you didn't want her in it.

DMLJ

Ask her now and re-assure her that you won't pick dresses that are too expensive (and if you did, could you help her out with some of the cost?). If she really is too sick to stand up for you on your wedding day, list her name in the program. It is an honor to be asked, and just because she may not be able to fulfill her "duties" doesn't mean that you she doesn't love you any less or deserve the honor any less. In any case, I hope your friends recovers and feels better.