BM's Dad likes the sauce.

jenni2349

One of the earlier posts reminded me of this impending issue. A SIL/BM's father has drinking issues. Doesn't get nasty, just gets plastered. Doesn't matter when or where, it's a sure thing that it will happen. BM has asked me to NOT invite him. Her reasons are (and I think they are valid) that she wants to have a good time and doesn't want to worry about him, drive him home, etc.  Putting someone else in charge of him isn't an option; he'll get louder and louder until BM finally removes him from the room. This is what happens every party we go to. (For the record, we're not big drinkers. He usually shows up half in the bag.) So as not to ruin anyone's day, and avoid a scene, she asked that I remove him from the list. My Mom agrees that he has an issue, but says that we have to invite him and we'll deal with it if something happens.I don't want BM stressed about this. What do I do? Respect her wishes or hurt the old man's feelings? We're getting married next Thanksgiving weekend. Christmas is going to be a little awkward when he looks around and realizes that he's the only one not in any pictures from the wedding!

banana468

If your parents are hosting the wedding then technically what your mom wants goes.However in the long run, the larger issue is that your BM's father has a substance abuse problem and he needs help.  Hopefully THAT is something that your BM and her family can address.

Sooles

im kind of confused about why your bm's parents would be invited. are you close with this girl's dad?

ffmaid

BM is your sister in law. By which i assume she is married to your brother. I can tell you that none of teh parents of my bils were invited to our wedding and my parents were not and are not invited to my bil siblings weddings. Your sil parents are not needed on the invite list and praticularly id it will cause distress not pleasure for sil

trix1223

My DD'swedding, her SIL (our sons' wife) was a BM.  Her mom wasn't invited to the wedding.  IT never even crossed our minds that she might be.  We all get along beautifully, but she doesn't really fall into the family/nearest and dearest friends category.I don't see why you need to invite SIL's dad.  If she doesn't want him there, and your mom doesn't want him there, I think that's your answer.

bablingbrooke

Ditto retread. If his feelings are hurt, his daughter can tell him why.

jenni2349

Retread: My thoughts exactly. He chooses to drink, he has to accept that those actions have consequences, etc. I just feel bad. He really is a nice guy, but he isn't going to change. The unfortunate situation is that it will be an obvious move not to invite him. What does make me feel a little better is that SIL approached me with the request. Thanks to all. Just putting it up here and hearing others say what's already in my head makes me feel better. No more doubts. I'll let SIL make the call.