Really? Physco Bridesmaid is the last thing I needed.

caitdana

Okay so I made the fatal mistake of picking my wedding party too soon. I mistook the joy and the glitz of wedding helpers as an obligation to be in the wedding. I had a so called friend who offered ideas, and support in the beginning of my engagement. Since I am 200 miles away from the ceremony site and my family and close friends, I felt obligated to have my local helper be a bridesmaid. I should have realized and confronted the problem when I learned of her lies like she helped my fiance pick out my ring, when in fact I did. How she had done specific task in wedding planning, when I really at that point had done everything myself. But I continued on after she started to ignore my phone calls, emails, and text messages concerned about her well being, to try to make an effort. Finally with 2 months to go, and my big showers approaching, let her know it was okay if she did not want to be in the wedding anymore, I just wanted to know what was going on and that she was okay, and not to avoid me. She called me back in tears saying she was my best friend and she would never hurt me, and that she had her dress and couldnt wait to stand up at my wedding. It kind of reminded me of desperate attempts in the past to save a bad relationship or trying not to get dumped in high school. Anyways, I said all was fine, I just need to communicate so she would not be left out. A 2 weeks later (6 weeks prior to wedding) one of my bridesmaids back home had a huge mishap with her dress and we needed to buy fabric, and since it is designer fabric, it was costly. I called my local friend, to inquire on what we should do. She said she would get back her dress from the woman doing alterations the next day and we would go on Wednesday to look for the fabric. Huge Emergency came wednesday when her grandmother was diganosed with Arthritis. (really?!?!) and she also updated her facebook that did not reflect this crisis. She rescheduled for Thursday, and of course forgot she made plans with a coworker, rescheduled for Saturday and no call. I got to thinking this girl doesnt have her dress, even though she told me, without me houding her, that she got it, the woman was altering it, and how well it even fit. I called the dress shop to find the following monday. She had ordered her dress the previous Friday. So with little less than 6 weeks, the dress was to be made at the designer work shop, shipped to the store in Florida, then shipped to TN. She would have gotten the dress the week of the wedding on by the grace of God. Then it would have to be altered. So I told her I was hurt. She, instead of trying to make things right, just asked if she should try to cancel her dress. Which I agreed that she should if she cared more about the money for the dress than our friendship. And I have not talked to her since then. OH BUT WAIT IT GETS BETTER... Friday I get a call at my new job, from a former co-worker that also worked with my local "friend" and myself. Apparently she is still telling people she is in the wedding, and that she is helping with the planning and things are great. Here is the kicker... She is offering to take her co-workers who are unable to attend presents to my wedding. She is not invited to the wedding, we are no longer friends, and oddly enough she just moved into her first apartment at the age of 25. The girl is trying to steal my presents!!!! What do I do?!?! I dont want to be rude to my guests that I invited from my old job and tell them she is crazy, but I dont want them to buy me gifts and I not get them, and they do not get thanked. HELP!!!!!!!

banana468

So you made the choice to end the friendship and the person is lying to others about what she's doing?Is she completely aware that she's not in the wedding? 

caitdana

Yes she is very well aware that she was to cancel her dress and she was not invited to the wedding, her and her family who she is/was living with until this point are not receiving their invitation this week

duckie1905

Okay, so basically she's a liar, right? I find it hard to believe that you had no indication of this erratic behavior before you were engaged. I don't think the problem was that you picked to early but that, instead, you picked someone that you didn't know well enough who turned out to be a liar. At this point there probably isn't much you can do about her crazy aside from moving on. I would never give a gift to someone to give to someone else, that's just asking for trouble and maybe some of your old co-workers will feel the same. You can't ask all your old co-workers to send gifts to you because if they weren't planning on giving you one you then put them on the spot. I'd get in touch with her and MAKE SURE she knows that she isn't invited and reiterate that you no longer want her friendship. Be firm, but polite. If she continues to act out there really isn't much you can besides ignore her. It sounds like she craves attention. If you don't give it to her she'll eventually give up-you know-like a child would.

dsouldiva

My head hurts... the only bit I got was that she said she would try and cancel the dress (after saying she already had it). Perhaps she couldn't cancel it and maybe it is due to arrive on time?Like the others have said, does she definately know you de-bridesmaided her and uninvited her all at once?

lizbabydoll

I think you have to talk to the person who's making the dress and make sure she canceled it. Since she's a liar and aparently you'll never know what to expect from her inmature behavior, she might just call you the day before expecting you to be happy bc she got the dress done. you know? * She, instead of trying to make things right, just asked if she should try to cancel her dress. This doesnt sound like she was seriously talking about doing it. To "Try" means another excuse will come up. Talk to her, make things clear, dont play the game of waiting to see what happens, it will give you a headache. Be strong and let her know exactly how you feel and what you want. Good Luck.