Choosing my BMs. Is fam necessary?

kcalpin

Hi,I'm getting married early 2011 and my fiance and I are in the process of choosing our attendants.  Ideally, we'd like to have between 3-5 on each side.  I have a step-sister and a half-sister, neither of which I'm close to.  We get along fine, but we only see/talk to each other once a year at Christmas.  Do I have to ask them to be a part of the bridal party?  I would rather choose my 3 best friends from college (who I talk to at least once a week) and a close friend who I see at least once a week.Thank you!!

trix1223

Only you know the family dynamic here.  Will your sisters be disappointed if they're not in the WP?  Will they hold a grudge, or will they understand?I'm of the opinion that family should probably be included, but that's because I have a good relationship with my family.  My own experience from years ago:  I had my sister, who was not at closest to me at the time as MOH, and 4 friends.  Fast forward 31 years.  I haven't seen the 4 friends in at least 25 years, but I'm extremely close with my sister.Friendships ebb and flow, but family is always around.Again, I have a good family relationship, and so do my kids.  So when it was time for their WP's family came first.  If you don't have a great relationship, it's a whole 'nother story.Can your sisters do a reading or bring up the gifts if it's a Catholic mass?Finally keep in mind that your side and your FI's side don't have to match.  WPs are not about symmetry, and you should choose people to stand with you because you care about them, not because of an arbitrary number.

aerinpegadrak

Don't think about it at all until Christmas '10.  Then choose the people you're closest to, but be aware that not choosing your siblings may create family drama.

trix1223

good point, aerin.  I usually look at wedding dates too and agree that this is WAY to early to be choosing attendants.kc:  scroll down this board and see the countless posts from brides who asked this early and now are trying to find out how to "demote" or "fire" or "kick out" bridesmaids because they're no longer as close.....they've had a falling out.....they've lost touch.  Happens ALL THE TIME.

aerinpegadrak

It doesn't always have to be a falling out, either.  We asked our WP early, because it consists of only family and closer-than-close friends and we couldn't possibly imagine any kind of falling out.Then we had to take a very, very serious look at our budget, and determined that our initial plan just wasn't going to work.  We wanted to just JOP it, but since we had already asked our WP, we were basically stuck and had to figure out other ways to scale back.  Regardless of your timeline, don't ask your WP until you've started putting down deposits and are certain what the size of your wedding will be. 

kcalpin

Thanks for your input, everyone.  I wasn't planning on asking anyone for a while, but we're trying to get our budget in order, so we'd like to have a basic idea.  I should also note that I was not asked to be in my step-sister's wedding party (nor was I offended...I was actually a little relieved) and my half-sister is a 15 year old tomboy, so I'm not sure she'd even be interested.  She's very interested in photography, so I thought it might be a good idea to ask her to take photos of the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to supplement our wedding album.  Any thoughts?Thank you so much!

bablingbrooke

Don't worry about choosing your attendants until early 2010. If your sisters will hold a grudge by not being asked to be in the wedding, even though you aren't close, I would do it just to keep the peace. Some people take this as a personal insult and will bring it up for months, sometimes years, after. If your family is the type (like mine) where it would look bad to not ask your sisters, and people will assume something happened between you if you don't, I would also ask. I also think it's a nice gesture--I see it as not being a big deal for siblings to show up, hold some flowers for half an hour, take some pictures, and that's it. Only you know your situation. I will say this: I asked my only sister out of obligation, she was a terrible MOH, and I still had a perfect wedding and no regrets. I'd do it all over again because I know it was the right thing to do. So I'm in favor of asking siblings regardless of the circumstance, but I'm certainly not in the majority on this board in that opinion. So I'd just consider your situation and in a few months make the final decision.