MOH issue! ugh. Kinda long.

SaraJR83

So I just asked one of my best friends who is also one of the bridesmaids to be MOH for my wedding. I did not ask her earlier since she just got married 2 weeks ago and was busy planning her wedding and I didn't want to add any stress to her (I was MOH in her wedding). I have 6 girls standing up on my side. 3 of them are friends, 2 are my sisters and 1 is my cousin. At first I didn't think I would pick a MOH since I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings since I have my 2 sisters, my cousin who I was MOH in her wedding this past june and my best friend who I was MOH in hers also, and 2 close girlfriends standing up. Finally I decided just to ask who I wanted to from the beginning and make it easier...Well now I have hurt some feelings. My youngest sister who is 18 & has not done anything for the wedding and didn't even make it to the bridal shower is all ticked off. She told me this morning that she would rather not be in the wedding at all anyways (after I told her I picked a MOH). So now I am feeling bad and worrying about hurting peoples feelings.I'm not sure if I should un-ask my MOH now to save everyones feelings or what.I also thought of coming up with alternative titles. For example instead of Samantha-bridesmaid have her Samantha-cousin of honor, then have sisters of honor and friend of honor. That way everyone is an 'honor'. Does that sound lame?Just need some opinions.Thank you!

melishka716

There's a "hurt feelings" post down. But, she is an adult and needs to act as one. Don't un ask. That's going to end a friendship. Or you can have 2 MOHs

mbcdefg

I don't really get why you selected a MOH with about a month to go ... but whatever, that's all in the past now. MOH is not a title for the best helper, so your sister not helping you plan and not coming to the shower has nothing to do with it. MOH is your closest friend. If that's not your sister (her lack of help aside), then she's just going to have to deal with it. However, if you picked the friend because she was a good helper and you wanted to "reward" her with a title, then your sister may have the right to be mad, because that was a petty move on your part. No, don't un-ask the MOH. That's just rude. No, don't come up with alternate titles. That's just silly and unnecessary. Just deal with your decision and move forward. If people have a problem with it, tough ... they need to learn that you can't always get what you want.

ffmaid

Yes you shoudl have known that it would hurt your sisters feelings to pick a friend over family as MOH. But you made your choice and you and your sister need to live with it. The silly titles are just silly and not an honor but an insult

tidetravel

just to ask who I wanted to from the beginning and make it easier...^THIS is the right thing to have done.BM is an honor.  Don't make up ridiculous, meaningless titles so everyone can feel special.And tell everyone else to grow the heck up.

vgmartinez

Don't un-ask your MOH. Your sister, who is 18, needs to grow up. Your MOH is your choice. Just because you choose a friend over a sibling doesn't mean you're not close to your sibling, you're not obligated to do so. I have two sisters and I asked my best friend to be my MOH, needless to say, my sisters didn't throw a fit. My sister did the same when she got married.

jeannigirl

Ok people really need to go some bark and grow up and stop acting hurt over stuff like this. They should be honored to have been asked to be in your wedding and that you thought of them to include them. If your sister wants to act like a baby and have her feelings hurt and throw the concherion of "I would rather not be in your wedding" because you are not going to let me be MOH,then its her business. I am sure that you did nothing intentionally. I hate that if sis is a BM and not a MOH then she gets all twisted. Its just a studip title. I don't think that you should play into that emotional mantipulation that your sister is trying to pull. I would just say "I am sorry you feel that way, I want you to be part of my day however you will need to make a decision if you are going to be part of my BP or not. If she doesn't then leave it the way it is.

duckie1905

I'm not really sure why you designated an MOH now but that really isn't the point.Your sister needs to calm down and realize just being a BM is an honor.  Don't unask your MOH and don't ask your sister to be MOH too (because then you'll just be encouraging her to complain because she gets what she wants).  Tell her if she really feels strongly about not being in the wedding then you respect her decision and will miss her.  I bet she changes her tune.Making up titles for everyone is not a great idea, either.  The more you have the less any of them mean.

banana468

ffmaid, I have to respectfully disagree.  The role of MOH does not need to be family just at the role of BM does not need to be family.  BIL was not DH's best man but he was a groomsman and loved the role.  Part of being in the wedding is understanding that by being in the wedding it's already a place of honor and you can't dictate where you are with the bride.OP, I wouldn't change the bridal party now.  Just talk to your sister and let her know that you truly love her dearly and she is very important to you and she would be doing you a huge honor by being a BM.  Don't justify why someone else is MOH.  Tell her how wonderful it would be if she were your BM.

ffmaid

Bannana- I did not say that MOH needed to be family. I said that Op should have considered the very likely posibility of hurting her sisters feelings before she made this choice. I do not think moh needs to be a sister just that if you have sisters and pick someone else you should be at least prepared with the idea that it may hurt feelings. It is not an unexpected thing. To a month before the wedding be promoting a friend when sisters likely felt that all bm were equal is likely to hurt feeling. Now that saiod she has done this and needs to live with the out come whih is that she hurt her sisters feeling. Yes sis shoudl be adult about it and not complain or say anything but the hurt feelings would have been expected unless they were very not close. Chances are she has hurt the feelings of both sisters, cousin who she was moh for , and who knows on the otehrs. But there is nothing to be done but to live with the choices she has made.

jeannigirl

I bet she did think about that making someone a MOH would hurt the others feelings. How can you not. Some people just walk around with these big "oh you hurt my feelings" signs. Theres a time to grow up and become adults and stop letting yourself be hurt when ever you don't get your way. I don't have any of my sisters in my wedding, has I am not that close to them. I love them because their my sisters. I choose to just have my daughter and one close friend be in my BP. So my sisters can come has guests if they so choose.

bablingbrooke

I think changing up the WP with a month to go is never a good idea. I know I certainly was tempted to give my sister the boot with a week to go but as zen as I was about almost everything wedding-related, I wasn't thinking about things the way I normally do. I'll bet you're in the same boat. I would be upset too but she's an 18 year old girl. 18 year old girls are know-it-all brats for the most part. Take a breath, drink some wine, and get a pedicure. You'll feel better and be glad after all is said and done that you didn't make any changes.