Mini vent about shoes.

Alko726

I'm a BM in a wedding and the bride just showed me the shoes she was thinking about having us all wear. Dyeables, which look as though they're about 80 dollars on sale online, and really the bride's style more than most of her BMs that I know. I don't think I could even dye those black and ever want to wear them again. Does the price usually include the cost of dying the shoes too? I didn't even know she was going to make us wear matching shoes until she sent me the link. I thought they were for her, and when I said, "I like, are they your shoes?", she says, "No, yours I think". "Ohh... okay. Sounds good." I don't want to be a PITA bridesmaid, but am I weird for thinking that's slightly ridiculous?! I hope we don't all end up looking like robot clones of each other with the same hair and everything too. ::sigh:: thanks for the vent!

blackfire5th

Yikes! That stinks. If they are out of your price range or style maybe you could do some searches and ask the bride what she thinks. Maybe you can convince her to just let her pick a color and let you pick the shoe. I know payless has some dyeables for about $40.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I have no idea why someone in their right mind would get dyeables and dye them BLACK. I mean, don't most shoes already come in balck? I'd say something like, "Oh, I think I already have some shoes that are similar, so I'll just wear those." Or, "I think I'd be more comfortable getting my own shoes. Should I wear satin or leather?"

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, never mind, I thought she wanted you to wear black shoes. Yeah, like the other poster said, Payless definitely has cheaper dyeables, and they are way cuter than they used to be.

banana468

If she's insistent on dyables, I'd be honest if the shoe is out of your budget.I'm wearing a satin pump in a wedding this weekend but I'm fine with it.  If I wound up buying it to find that it was the most uncomfortable shoe ever, I'd have made mention to the bride that unfortunately, my crazy clown feet weren't happy in them.Some people just think the dress and shoes are part of the outfit.  In the wedding I'm in this weekend, I've only been asked to buy the dress and shoes.  Tomorrow morning we're going for mani/pedi appointments (because I WANT to join the bride) and she doesn't care what I choose for colors.  The wedding day when I get hair and makeup done, she doesn't care either.  If she did I'd mention anything that put me out of my comfort zone. 

tinydancer842

Who knows maybe her mom or someone else told her she needs to have u guys wear dyables -- my MOH said I should make everyone where dyables, but I put my foot down & just said for them to get silver strappy sandles, which most already had in their closet. If every1 is paying attention to my BM shoes then I did something wrong lol.

tinydancer842

*wear...it's too damn early!

Alko726

Thanks for the feedback ladies. I'm not going to complain to her about what she wants for her wedding, but I just wanted to come vent about it on here where I can't hurt feelings. :P I can afford it, and I'll do it, though by looking at the picture I'd go ahead and say they're going to uncomfortable. I feel the same way you do, tinydancer. I just don't see why the BM shoes need to match exactly and for us to spend 70+ dollars on them plus whatever it may cost to dye them. I can't remember what shoes anybody wore to any wedding, nor do I care. Her mom isn't that involved in the planning, so I don't really think anyone is encouraging her to make that decision, though. She was in a wedding just a few weeks ago and got to wear her own silver shoes -- something I'm sure she's grateful for (she pushed the bride to go with silver shoes). Blargh, oh well. At least her pictures will look more uniform, I guess.

swim1011

I was MOH in a clone situation over the summer.  At least yours hasn't mandated hair has to be up or anything.    Bff's antiquated hairdresser told her she didn't have to pay for it, if she didn't require a specific hairstyle, lol.  There were 8 BMs, and how much we looked the same was utterly boring.. but that's what she wanted.  Grin and bear it, and vent to us, not the bride!

ffmaid

Honestly I would suggest to the bride that that type of shoe although cute on her might not be the style for all teh bm and perhaps she should suggest a color and all the BM can get shoes that color that fit their feet and style

Leah&Christian09

I would tell her that $80+ dye for shoes I would only wear once is just not in my budget, even if I routinely spent $400/pair on shoes. If she insists on matching shoes, she really should be paying for them, but if not she needs to pick something budget friendly. You may be able to afford it, but there is probably at least one BM that can't and is embarrassed about it.

mbcdefg

Tell her to get a Knot account and start posting here. If she posts the shoe issue here, I'm sure she'll get a ton of people who ask her to reconsider.

Alko726

Haha, actually, duckie, she has a Knot account, and I actually hope that she doesn't see this post! I don't want her feelings to get hurt, even if she has made some ridiculous requests (that I won't even begin to get into). She doesn't think shoes are an issue, so I doubt she'd even think to post a question about them here. http://www.amazon.com/Dyeables-PASSION-Womens-Passion-Sandal/dp/B0027CTE1K Now I understand may be the only one, but from my own experience, the front part of these kinds of shoes hurt, and I'm just not a fan of the overall shoe, the shape, the heel, or anything for that matter. Our wedding is a month before hers, and I don't want to be a 'debbie downer' about hers. When she first put money down towards a venue, I had passed along bad reviews about her original choice to her (out of kindness! The venue had a horrible reputation both on and off TK -- something I would have wanted to know to avoid myself), and she told another friend that I was being depressing, so I felt bad and decided it was best to leave my negative opinions out of my friends' weddings. I left my WP to family only and details quiet for this very reason, actually. lol. I'm all about avoiding drama. You're right -- there are other BMs that can't afford them and find the more hideous than even I do, and they have no problem saying something about them. If she asks me for another opinion on the price, I'll tell her that I think they're probably too much to spend on shoes that no one likes but her. She didn't tell me the price when she showed them to me, so maybe she didn't know???

Alko726

Woops, that one part of the response was directed towards mbcdefg, not duckie. Sorry! :P

megk8oz

Technically, as the bride she can dictate the shoes, but its really not a "fair " move.I was in a friend's wedding where the BMs had matching dresses, and the bride had allegedly originally planned on just letting us pick our own shoes, but then her "mother" had stepped in and told her we HAD to have matching shoes. I'm not sure how true that actually is, since her mom is the saner of the two.She wound up picking God-awful silver gladiator sandals that cost $60 (Which WE had to foot the bill on), and didn't even GO with the dress. The shoes might have been cute with a pair of jeans later on, but they were so cheaply made, that by the end of the reception, only 1 of the 5 BMs had both shoes in tact.I wouldn't "demand" that she pay for them, but if  $80 for a pair of shoes that you will only wear once (And judging from the looks of them, I can't imagine they'd even stay on too long after the reception started) seems like too much, you might want to let her know that you just don't think its in your budget. She might be willing to pay for them or just let you pick your own in the end.

mbcdefg

If some of the BMs can't afford it, that's when I would step in (or maybe MOH can do it if the bride gets along with her best) and gently convince her to go with something neutral. Or at least pick up the tab for them. If not, that's when I think you just need to suck it up and appease her, even if she's not really right.

briar.rose

tbh I do think that it's the bride's choice with shoes, but you're right, they look uncomfortable.I much prefer matching shoes at weddings (lol, I'm down with the clone look!) but I think I'd go for something almost flat - possibly a flip flop, and I would certainly factor cost into things.maybe do some research and send her the links, under the guise of being helpful 'what do you think of these?!'

LarissaAnn

Wow, I'm usually an advocate of dyeables, and even I hate those. Point out to the bride how the bows on the back, even in the photo of the AD look frayed and cheap! And ask her if she'd mind leaving the shoes' (even if she dictates dyeables) styles to the bridesmaids since everyone can handle different heel heights and shoe shapes.