dropped out groomsman- kinda long!

rasdreamer34

Here's the deal: 2 of our friends got married in May...30 days later they were divorced. Well my fiance and Erica have been best friends FOREVER! But we also got to know David and really liked it! My fiance asked David to be a groomsman (way before thier wedding). Recently David and Erica have had to see each other. Dividing up property, picking up things she left and packages that came in the mail. So David called a couple weeks ago and said that he didnt realize being around Erica would bother him so much. He's just not ready for that right now so he wanted to gracefully step out of the wedding party. We are ok with that! We don't want him to be uncomfortable! We would love for him to be there and be apart but we'd much rather him be comfortable. So with that long story, we have tried and tried to tell him that its ok, we understand, it's not the end of the world. But he thinks he's ruined the whole wedding....how can we get him to understand that we don't hate him and we are still here for him? Thanks!

trix1223

wow.  Can you really get a finalized divorce decree in 30 days in Tennessee?

rasdreamer34

I dont know exactly when the divorce was finalized...I do know it was a non-contested divorce which may have helped. But 30 days after thier wedding she was looking for a new place to live!

bablingbrooke

I'm sure they filed after 30 days but even if it's not contested I doubt they were formally divorced within 30 days of the wedding. I don't care what state you're in or how clear the docket is. One of my friends got divorced in Utah (a state with a VERY low rate) that was uncontested and it still took several months, even though they filed within a few months of the wedding. Anyway, back to the question at hand: In the past four months this guy has been married and divorced. Even someone made of stone probably couldn't handle that without being kind of a mess. Keep reassuring him that nothing's wrong and just be there for him. I'll bet he's an emotional roller coaster.

trix1223

ditto brooke.  I was so surprised by the post that I looked up Tennessee divorce laws, and apparently even an uncontested (no fault) divorce takes 60 days in Tennessee.Ditto brooke also:  this guy has been through a lot.  I'd just let him know what you said that the end.  You don't hate him.  You're there for him.  But add that you're not going to crawl up his butt and if he needs/wants to talk, you'll be available at any time.I'm pretty sure the last place he wants to be right now is around people planning a wedding.

Leah&Christian09

Uncontested =/= no fault. Uncontested means you aren't fighting over how to distribute your stuff. No fault is about the grounds for divorce (adultary, abandonment, irretrievably broken...). 99% divorces are no fault, but most are contested. /random. I spent way too much time working for a divorce firm. Anyway, the status of their divorce isn't the issue. I would be sure to invite him anyway, and make an effort to be friends with him otherwise. Invite him for dinner, invite him for drinks, introduce him to other friends. He's understandably upset, and may decide not to come to your wedding at all, but by keeping up the friendship, you'll reassure him that you don't hold it against him.

rasdreamer34

Thanks! Thats what we've been doin- i guess I just needed to hear that we were doing it right. He's an awesome guy and I hate that he's going through this! I hate it even more that there are people who would make him feel like crap for screwing up thier day or whatever! My day is about wearing my BEAUTIFUL dress that my mommy bought me and marrying my pookie! lol! Thanks again!