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Flower Girl and FMIL-Yikes! Help!!!

Okay so here goes- I LOVE my FH's family. they are some of the nicestest kindest people I know, I only have 1 problem. His 6 yo little sister is going to be our flower girl and she's adorable- but my FMIL insists upon making her FG dress.... and normally that would be okay but recently I saw the dress that was made for her for another family wedding from before I was in the picture and I was, a little let down. I wouldn't mind paying for the FG dress if I can choose something I really like, but I don't in any way want to hurt my FMIL's feelings. I really do love them. So do I just keep my mouth shut or do I try to find some really nice way to let my FMIL down? I already got with my fiance and we toldher that she wouldn't be baking our wedding cake because "We want her to sit back, enjoy the wedding and be able to relax, baking the cake would just be too much stress" I love that they are great at the DIY thing, and some things I am totally willing to budge on, but when my FSIL (who is 6) and I went shopping to look for my dress she picked out one she loved and said she wanted it and she "doesn't want Mommy to make it".... I don't want to step on any toes, I just want EVERYONE to have a great time and feel beautiful and relaxed- but if the little one isn't happy- nobody will be. HELP!!!!

Re: Flower Girl and FMIL-Yikes! Help!!!

  • "she picked out one she loved and said she wanted it and she "doesn't want Mommy to make it".... " Is FMIL aware of this? I think your best bet is to just let FMIL deal with it and let her make the dress. Unless it is falling apart at the seams, a plain dress won't be a big deal. You could always suggest to FMIL what you would like. Such as color, sash, etc.
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  • Ditto PP - if it's a matter of the dress looking like total crap, I would say something like, "FMIL, I really appreciate you making FSIL's dress but I don't want it to be a burden on you. Would you like it if the three of up went shopping to look for a nice party dress for her? Maybe we could go out for some ice cream later, my treat." If the dress would be presentable, just not exactly what you'd pictured ... I'd personally just let this one go. Get her a flower wreath or pomander or whatever that's exactly what you want, and let FMIL have the dress if it makes her happy. If FSIL really doesn't like it, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. Also, not to be nosey, but is FMIL contributing financially to your wedding (not that she's obligated to)? If not, maybe she feels that this is her way to pitch in. I don't know if I'll be in a position to assist my future kids with their weddings, but I think I'd feel really bad if I didn't do ANYTHING to help them, whether it be monetary gifts or helping out with projects.
  • Well, you could just buy the dress and explain to FMIL by saying, "Well, we wanted to treat her - she just fell in love with it in the store! And how wonderful that it's now also one less thing for you to worry about doing for us!" BUt there is the risk that would seriously hurt FMIL's feelings...sounds like she really just wants to be helpful and I don't personally necessarily think it's worth hurting your FMIL's feelings like that...if the dress is too plain, dress it up with a pretty sash or wreath for your FG's hair...maybe the little one can get a pretty new headband and jewelry set for the big day and that can be the compromise between the homemade dress and still having something new and fun?
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  • FMIL is fully aware but says the little one is jst being whiny (I have never heard her complain or whine once ever) and plain is no problem. She actually fell in love with onethats just a simple ivory shantung silk dress with a full skirt and pink sash... The one my FMIL wants to make is covered head to toe in crazy lace and beading which doesn't match our wedding at all and everytime she adds some beading it falls off I don't know if it's just not structually sound? I am definetly not good at even sewing buttons just not my cup o tea.
  • Try and compromise ... see if she'll make the dress, but if she'll make it according to what YOU want. If she won't bend, though, I think it'd be best to just let it go. It's your FMIL, and I don't think a flower girl dress is worth an argument over. If it weren't such a close family member I would just say to buy the dress YOU want and let that be it. But if it's going to offend FMIL and make her mad, then it's probably better to just let her get her way on this one. Wait and see what the dress looks like. Who knows, maybe it'll be great. And like PPs said, a sash or some cute new accessories could help it along. If it's just not presentable at all, though, you can always get a party dress at Target within an hour if you have to. Or, if the dress you love is returnable (or can be given to her as a gift in the future as a party or holiday dress), buy it and keep it hidden in case you need a backup.
  • Actually my FILs are paying for 1/3, my parents are paying for 1/3 and we are paying for 1/3 - that's for the ceremony and formal reception.... Our family is HUGE so we are having a second more casual reception when we get back From our honeymoon which we are paying for completely on our own and FMIL is baking the cake for that since we offered to pay so we are all splitting for the formal affair and FH and I are paying for the latter. I thought planning one big even was crazy and two is just nuts. I'm really trying not to sweat the small stuff and my BMs are super helpful and my FFIL is great too I just really want everybody to be happy I love these people even if I am going crazy lol
  • Oooohhhh I love that idea if she doesn't need it for the wedding she can wear it for her aunts 50th anniversary party...... And if we do need it I can use the I got it for Uncle Mike and Aunt Sylvias party as a surprise excuse- thank you sooooo much for the idea!!!!!
  • I'd let it go. It seems like a small thing to fight over, considering you're going to have to deal with this woman for decades. Plus, lots of times FG dresses don't match the whole wedding party.
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  • So ok let her know what you are looking for has far has what you wanted to see her in. Tell her about the dress that you and your little FSIL liked, maybe she may be more flexible. Good luck with this!
  • My mom is making my FG dress, which I and FG's mom really appreciate, as FG will be 3, with a 9mo sister by the time the wedding comes around.My plan is to buy the pattern, material, and notions and give them to my mom so she can make the dress. that way, I pick the design and fabric and she just does the construction. A good compromise might be to take a pic of the kid in the dress, buy a similar pattern, and if FMIL thinks that the construction is too complicated, she might decline and let you get the pre-made dress.
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  • Do you already have bridesmaids dresses picked out? If so, has your FMIL seen them?If not, maybe you could show her a picture of the dresses and ask her what she thinks she could make that would compliment the dresses. Or if she has seen them, ask her anyway! That way, you are allowing her to be "creative" and get a FG dress that's more complimentary to your wedding party.I know that probably sounds easier than it actually is!
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