Do you have to chose your sister as your Maid of Honor MOH?

snlyons914

Ok fellow "Knot-ers.."I went with my heart and did not chose my twin sister as my MOH.Without going into too many detail, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister even up until this point. My sister has done things to me that you simply dont do to family, or your own worst enemy (i.e, writing my boss informing him that i should be reprimanded and trained on how to use company materials for business use only instead of using them to contact her and even attached emails, print screens of an argument we've had)I'm not saying that I haven't forgiven her, but just because I'm getting married I dont feel that I should have to pretend that she is worthy of that title, i feel that its a title you earn and not born into..On top of that, when I initially told her my wedding date was August 28th of next year she told me it MIGHT be a day that she might be in school and she hinted that I should move it to May (mind you this is even before I made a decision about my MOH) and when I told her I couldnt her response was "F.. it, I wont go to your wedding!" And, shortly after informing her she would be a bridesmaid she informed me that she was dropping out of my wedding because she didnt support the marriage. But, she said that she wants to go to the reception. Isn't that hypocritial??I could go into great details why I didnt choose my sister, and I really feel justified... but, was I wrong NOT to chose her?

mbcdefg

MOH should be your closest friend. Nobody is entitled to a spot in the bridal party or to a specific role, whether they're family or not. If your sister is not your closest friend, then there's your answer. To play Devil's Advocate, though ... if she told you she'd likely be in school on Aug. 28 and you said you wouldn't consider moving the wedding, she may have been hurt by that. I'm not saying that you are obligated to move your wedding to suit her schedule (or that she shouldn't try and rearrange her schedule to be there), but she may feel like you basically said, "Too bad" when she tried to tell you that she wanted to be there but Aug. 28 might be hard for her. Maybe that's why she reacted why she did, because maybe she felt like you didn't care that she might not be there. Just some food for thought.

snlyons914

I dont know, I told her in a very nice way that if we could married sooner we would, but we can't afford it and it STILL wasnt good enough for her.... And, her worry was about school was for something she had applied for and wasnt sure she would get in yet!  

Leah&Christian09

You aren't wrong. You don't have to have her in your WP or as MOH just because of DNA. If you aren't close, you aren't close. To avoid future conflicts with other people, though, I suggest you adjust your perception of the WP. You do not INFORM someone that they are in your WP. You ask them whether they will be in it. MOH is not a title that someone earns like a dog treat. It is an honor that you give your closest friend.

snlyons914

No, no, I didnt tell her that she would be my bridesmaid. I did do it the proper way and asked her. She said "Yes." and then a week later she dropped out. I would be lying if I said I wasnt disappointed, but I'm honestly not suprised. My engagement party is this week and I had a gift for all of my BMs. So, I'm a little bummed.

peachkins

I think you're fine not choosing her.  I think you deserve an award for even asking her to be a BM.  I would not hesitate to leave someone out of the BP that wouldn't support my marriage.  You've been more than accomodating.

ffmaid

No you are not obligated to pick your sister even your twin sister ( mine was my moh) but one shoudl consider the long term reprecusions of ones actions. So you were not obligated. that said telling you that she has a conflict of school on the day of your wedding is not being a jerk it is making you aware. Ideally one should plan the wedding around the conflicts of those that matter most to teh bride and groom. She is right to do school over attending your wedding as you are purposefully planning a wedding that you know would cause a conflict. So yes if she matters very much to you you would have planned a weddi9ng not to directly conflict and not to be at a day and time she could not attend. The wedding is the important part the reception is a huge family party. Even if she does not support your wedding it is reasonable that she would have fun at the reception since it will be a great huge family party

momofayden

I wouldn't have even invited her to be in the bridal party at all.  And if she doesn't support the marriage and doesn't want to come to the wedding then she does NOT need to come to the reception.  Just because she is your sister doesn't mean you have to deal with her.  life is too short to deal with such negetive people in your life.

momofayden

P.S. August 28 is a saturday.  The only colleges that have classes on saturdays are community colleges and If she can't miss a single class for her sister's wedding than so be it.  She would find an excuse for any date you pick to be a problem for her.  Also, weddings/receptions are not for family reunions. It's for celebrating the marriage of 2 people.  If she isn't celebrating the two people getting married then why go.  Would you go to a wedding of someone you didn't like because you knew some other people going.  That's pretty ballsy and rude.

snlyons914

... its just frustrating. One thing I should have mentioned was the fact that she is in the military, so its really hard to just pick one specific date that would "accomodate" her schedule. On another note, I dont think that anyone should have to pick their date according to anyone's schedule. The wedding is so far back into the year and you would think 14 months notice would be enough notice for anyone.... It bothers me that my sister spent the entire time of my three year relationship with my future hubby telling me how much she disliked him, "Why dont you give a "brotha" a chance, "You better not have any kids with him because I dont want any ugly neices or nephews.." and now you're upset you're not my MOH? Are you kidding?? I just HATE it when people treat you like crap, and then when something "important" comes up they want you to make them the center of attention, so to speak just because.... sorry fellow "knot-ers"... im just venting....

momofayden

I agree with you (if you couldn't tell from my previous post).  It's hurtful but i think you just need to inform of things that are need to know and plan everything else with people who are happy for you.

mbcdefg

The only colleges that have classes on saturdays are community collegesWell, to be fair, I went to a state university and my school offered several Saturday courses. Carry on.

npfan812

As many other posters have said, I don't think you were wrong not to choose her as your MOH. IMHO, family members should get carte blanche privileges just because you happened to be born related to them. Relationships are something that need to be earned by both people in them with mutual love and respect. It sounds like your sister is falling really short on the second part.

tymee88

I don't think you were wrong...chosing who should be in your bridal party is something you should chose wisely and follow your heart! If you didn't feel she should be MOH that is perfectly okay. You did ask her to be  BM...and if she drops out, that is on her. If she truly wants to attend your wedding, to support you and your marriage, she will come...you did your part by asking her and by giving her the date, it is now up to her to come and support you, or not. Try not let it ruin your day or all your excitement, as this is truly one day in your life that is about you and your future husband! Best wishes!