MOH

TIFFIET82

I REALLY STARTING TO HATE PLANNING MY WEDDING. I DON'T WANT TO BECOME A BRIDEZILLA BUT THE MOH IS A PAIN IN THE BUTT. I DIDN'T WANT HER BUT MY SO CALLED BEST FRIEND GOT JEALOUS OR SOMETHING AND BAILED OUT. NOW THE FIGHT IS ON BETWEEN ME AND THE MOH. I TRIED TO STAY OUT OF PLANNING THE BRIDAL SHOWER BUT SHE WANTS TO HAVE IT AT MY DAD'S HOUSE. CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP. HOW DO I DEAL WITH HER!! HELP ME PLEASE.

Leah&Christian09

1) Stop screaming. 2) If your chief complaint is that she isn't spending enough money on the party she's throwing for you, you aren't going to get much sympathy.

aprilrose975

I think we can all guess why the first MOH bailed. 

mbcdefg

If you feel like you're too good for a shower at your dad's house, then decline the shower and then you won't get one at all. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and be grateful anyone wants to throw you a party at all. I'm sure your new MOH is pissed that you're dumping all over her plans - because she's nice enough to throw you a shower and you're just complaining that it's not good enough for you.

peachkins

God forbid you have to have a wedding shower at someone's house.  I think we're beyond "becoming" a bridezilla...

ffmaid

STOP YELLING Nobody owes you a shower at all. The only involvement you get is to accept or decline the offer. If you think you are too special for an at home shower then decline the shower and realize you probably will not be given one. BM/MOH are spending lots of time and money on you you should be very greatful and gracious and that is not what is coming across here at all so I would think long and hard about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You sound very bratty and childish in this post

CTGirl30

MUD all the way.

peachkins

We can only hope.  That, or this is gonna be DD'ed in about a minute.

megk8oz

I call troll. Or clinically insane. Your pick.

banana468

OP, please don't type in all caps, it's considered yelling.The first issue is that you chose someone you didn't want to be your MOH as your MOH - but what is done is done.  When it comes to the shower, you should not be involved in the place at all.  If you're anti the location it can come across that you're not appreciative of what she's trying to do.Relax and undertand that you don't get to choose how people give you presents - and the shower IS a gift.

duckie1905

Stop yelling. Okay, now. First of all, regardless of whether you wanted her or not you have her and it would be poor form to kick her out. Second, a shower is a gift, not a requirement to get married and certainly not an obligation of the MOH. She is planning what she can afford, which is very sweet. Showers get expensive and if you dad has offered to let your friends and family into his home to throw a party in your honor the least you could do would be to show a little tact and be grateful that you are getting a shower at all. So basically, stop stomping your feet, be a gracious bride, and accept the gift of a shower from her with grace and overflowing thanks.

TIFFIET82

Ok, first, I usually type in all caps due to my job. I am sorry for "yelling" but I am not that mad. We had a meeting a few months ago and everyone was on the same page with a theme and getting to know one another. At the meeting, we discussed locations and I didn't want to have the shower at my dad's home due to I would have to clean up everything and he has light carpet that he will make me pay to clean, along with the rest of the house. I have asked my dad to have the rehearsal dinner at his home, that will be outside. Plus, the MOH would leave me hanging like she has done in the past. We had a meeting about the shower a few months ago and now she is acting like all the plans are too big for her. She is not asking for help or advice from the other bridesmaids. She has a strong personality and she comes off confrontational. I tried to take the shower off her hands before and she got really upset. She lives out of town, has a family and I didn't want her to plan something that would take a lot of time or cost a lot of money. If I am wrong, I wrong but I am trying to be nice and keep the peace in the wedding party that is ready to move forward with a place we found and is reasonable. I hope this helps.

TIFFIET82

Retreadbride, thanks for being a little understanding. Ouch to some of the comments. I should have wrote more the first time.

banana468

You're really not supposed to have much to do with your shower.  It's an event thrown FOR you but not by you.  Meetings that you hold on the topic can come across as a bit bridezilla/dictatorial behavior.Instead, back off.  Say, "Unfortunately hosting it at my father's home won't work but I trust that anything you'd plan is lovely."And then stop trying to control those aspects.

duckie1905

You seemed to imply that you "tried" to stay out of the shower planning but it really doesn't seem like you did.  Why are you attending meetings regarding the shower and helping to plan the theme?  If it is too big for her then she needs to be the one to ask for help from the BMs or family; you should not be the go-between for shower planning.If she wants it at your dad's house she needs to ask him and she also needs to take care of cleanup. Stay out of it even if it means you don't have a shower.  You don't have the right to "take it off her hands" because since you can't demand a shower you can't assign someone else to the position.

mbcdefg

Stay out of the shower planning. Period. You should not be attending "meetings" and you should not be giving input other than who to invite and a basic idea of what you want. If your dad has a problem hosting the shower at his house, then that's between him and your MOH. And if your MOH and/or BMs are the ones planning the shower, then THEY are responsible for the setup and cleanup, not you. And I don't get why your original post said that hosting the shower at your dad's home would be "cheap," yet in your followup you're saying that you don't want it there because then you'd have to clean up. Why the backtracking? Which one is it?Bottom line - STAY OUT OF IT. A shower is a gift given to you if people want to throw you one, not your right or entitlement as a bride. Therefore, it is very rude for you to have this much input, and especially rude for you to "take it off the MOH's hands." It is not your MOH's job to throw you one, and to treat it as such is a horrible way to treat your friend. If you are fortunate enough to get a shower, no matter how big or small it is, smile and be gracious and thank the hostess(es) and attendees for the lovely gift. Don't complain because it's not exactly to your liking. And if you don't get a shower, then you don't get one. Sucks, but them's the breaks.

TIFFIET82

I see that I am the one with the problem. My MOH has made comments about how she is allowed to treat the other ladies in the party and these ladies are my friends that I would like to keep after the wedding. Especially since I work with one of them. The shower will happen with or without my input but I don't want angry ladies at my wedding. I was trying to play peace keeper but I guess you would have to be in the situation. Plus, I am dealing with 2 out of town bm's and communicating through emails was not working. The ladies relied on me to calm a stressful situation. Everyone knew that my dad's house was not an option and I don't need a carpet bill or to put my dad out again.

TIFFIET82

The MOH is not listening to the other girls and they are coming to me for help. Should I just leave them hanging?

ffmaid

If your Dad does not want the shower at his house all he has to do is when MOH asks him say he is sorry but that is not an option. It is between teh two of them . Stay out of it your getting in the middle makes it worse

ffmaid

Yes you tell the other girls that you do not want to get in the middle and if they have issues with MOH to either bring it up to her directly or that they are welcome to toally ignore the showers issue

banana468

If people are coming to you with issues with one another just respectfully say, "I really need to stay out of the issues you have with each other.  I love both of you and just need to not get pulled into something that's between you guys."If the MOH however makes comments about things she's entitled to do or comments she makes to your BP then say to her (or to the offender), "I know you guys don't need to be best friends but it's really not OK to say things like that to them." 

mbcdefg

If your dad doesn't want his place messed up, then he needs to refuse to let them hold the shower there. Otherwise, either he (as the owner) or MOH (as the hostess) is responsible for the cleanup. At the end of the shower, load your gifts into the car and go home.

TIFFIET82

Retreadbride, Thanks for you advise. It is very helpful. Maybe I wasn't clear on somethings but I am trying to keep the peace in the bridal party. I just needed help in a stressful situation where my girls are ready to move forward and afraid to piss off the MOH. Again thanks for your help.

banana468

Tiff, I do think it's important that you do your best to not get involved in things.Anytime you' play mediator things can get a bit convoluted and ugly - particularly when you're not partial.  I'd do my best to as nicely as possible tell my friends that I love them all but can't get involved in any disputes.