Suitable age for Flower girl

shelly_h

Help!  My fiance's sister has asked if her daughter (fiance's niece) can be in the wedding.  His niece wants to be a flower girl, she is 11.  Are wedding is set for June of 2010 with a small ceremony outside and reception to follow.  Right now, we have planned on a bridesmaid and a groomsman, and did not have plans to have any more for the wedding party.  I'm not opposed to having his niece in the wedding but I've heard that 11 is too old for a flower girl.  Any suggestions/thoughts?Shelly

banana468

It's not too old for a FG if she's OK with being one.It's up to you though.  It's also fine to say, "Oh we're only having one person stand up for each of us.  Can't wait to see you at the wedding!"

mbcdefg

1. Don't put anyone in the wedding party that you didn't originally want (and if this is your FI's niece, then he should make the call on this one as to whether or not you want to welcome her as a flower girl). Just say, "Sorry, but we've got our wedding party set" and then ignore it. Because what if you let the niece in, and then someone else comes up to you and says, "Cousin Sammy wants to be a ring bearer, and you let Niece Nancy in so Sammy should be in it too"? Then things will just get away from you really quick. 2. If she wants to do it, then she's not too old. "Too old" is the point where someone says, "I don't want to be a flower girl because I'm too old for it."

tidetravel

If it's something that she wants to do, and you're OK with her being in the wedding, I don't see the problem.  I wouldn't try to stick her in a foofy white FG dress though - find something more age appropriate.

bablingbrooke

My FGs were 9 and my RBs were 3 weeks short of turning 11 (2 sets of twins). They were all stoked. So ask her if she wants to be a FG (after you ask the parents, of course). Some 11 year olds think it's a baby job, others want to be involved however they can.

ffmaid

Too old for any role is when the kid is old enough to say they think they are too old. She is fine age for FG is this is what you and FI want

megk8oz

There is no such thing as "too old" for a kid until the kid says "I'm too old for that" or "that's for babies". But I honestly wouldn't add her unless you and your FI both want her in it. I know most people say "Oh well, the Bride picks her attendants, and the Groom picks his ...", and I agree with that when it comes to BMs & GMs. But when it comes to children and their roles in a wedding, I personally feel like the couple should decide on that together. I don't have a real basis for that arguement, other than that's just how I feel about it.

bablingbrooke

I also want to add that it was totally inappropriate for your FSIL to ask if her daughter can be in the wedding. Never cool to do that.

megk8oz

Yes, ditto to Brooke: its extremely bad manners to ask if you or your child is/can be in somebody's WP.

bigsillydays

If she wants to be in it and you and FH want to include her, I think it's fine.Reading this thread made me think of my situation. Sorry for stealing the thread.I was only planning to ask my uncle if my younger cousin can be the flower girl, but the other day my brother's step-daughter (who's 10 yr old), made a comment of how she really wants to be in the wedding. I wasn't originally planning to have her be a part of the WP, but how do you explain that to a child? So I decided to include her, but I'm not sure how just yet. Another flower girl? Junior bridesmaid? Some other role? I don't know just yet...

bablingbrooke

I would make her another flower girl. If you don't want to do that, kids who want to be involved will love jobs like guest book, program hander-outer, etc. Just to be part of the action. However, I think it would be a lovely gesture to ask her to be another FG. Think about it: It's 30 seconds of work and she'd feel so special.

bigsillydays

oh yea, I was going to say that it is kinda rude for your FSIL to ask if her daughter can be in the wedding, since it puts you in a awkward situation... you would feel bad saying no. Like you mentioned, her daughter really wants to be a flower girl, she probably asked her mom, and her mom than asked you so that her daughter wouldn't be disappointed if you didn't ask her on your own will.

bigsillydays

thanks bablingbrooke!Even though she's older than my cousin, I'm sure they would both love being flower girls together.

stina93446

If you like the idea of having her as a flower girl, ask her. And she's old enough that after you ask her parents, you can ask her yourself. See if she even wants the job. I'm sure she'll say yes.