Head Tables

bablingbrooke

People keep justifying them as "traditional" and "what the bride wants". I'm totally okay with that justification for almost anything if the tradition/bride's preference is significant in some way. So what exactly is the benefit of a head table? What can the bride and groom not accomplish by not having one? As someone who didn't have one and the wedding, gasp!, wasn't ruined by not having a head table, I really can't see why some brides are so "wedded" to the idea of one (pun intended).

bablingbrooke

I am going to head off some things: 1. It allows the bride to spend time w her friends: FALSE. You're deluding yourself if you think you will get more than 20 minutes to sit and eat. And trust me, you will use that time to EAT. And you won't be lonely either--DH and I had many, many visitors to our sweetheart table. And no shortage of time partying w/ the WP. 2. It's a good photo op: QUESTION: How many wedding albums have you seen that included said photo? And relative to all the other wonderful photos you will take that day, is one of you eating REALLY that special? 3. Everyone has one: FALSE. Not everyone has one. And since so many brides want to be "unique" why would you want the same tired thing that "everyone else" had at their wedding?

Liz4444

i don't get it either, why would you want to be on a pedestal while you're eating?  but i'm also one of those brides that doesn't like a sweetheart table either.  i like a family table, my parents, his parents and his sisters (and their dates, obviously)

Licia&Wayne

I don't really understand it here. I have to be honest, I think "traditional" head tables (bridal party on one side, groomsmen on the other, no significant others, blah blah awful time) are there for the sole purpose of more pretty princess attention.What could the other reasons possibly be?"Well I really like being watched while I eat""I want pictures of only myself, husband and wedding party sitting in a row, eating""I cannot survive without sitting next to my (insert wedding party member here)"No way. It's all for the attention. And it is such a frickin' pain for everyone you force to sit up there. So just do away with the "traditional" head table and let everyone be comfortable.

Licia&Wayne

Oh, and I think "here" was supposed to be "either," but I'm running off of fun size candy bars and diet soda so it's possible it's just the sugar taking over.

aerinpegadrak

I think there's also the idea that your wedding party are all just as good of friends with each other as they are with you.  I suppose that's true in some cases, but usually not so much.  My bridal party consists of my two sisters, two friends who are inseparable from each other, and one friend who knows the other two but isn't really close with them.  FI's side is his two brothers, my brother (if I don't kill him first), his best friend from college, and two former coworkers who don't know anyone else and have a slightly awkward history together.Perhaps people just really, really want to do Last Supper reenactments?

Licia&Wayne

I think a last supper reenactment would be the only acceptable reason to have a head table. Hi-larious.

megk8oz

Oh dear lord, and I'm only saying this because Brooke is now the OP, and I know she won't get offended: This topic has now become PAINFUL to discuss. Like seriously, this past week I've started to feel my blood pressure rise a little everytime I see "HT" in a thread. Apparently, nobody that really wants a HT can be reasoned with into seeing how rude and pointless it is. Let's just let 'em all be Biotchosaurus Rex's to their friends and family and all hope that when the marriage is in the toilet 20 years (Most likely due to the bride being a total control freak that can't bend on anything) from now the bride can take solace in the fact that "At least I had a Head Table at the reception".

bablingbrooke

meg, I'm terribly, horribly, awfully offended and will DD this thread so fast it will make your head spin!

megk8oz

andplusalso, for all the women that say "Oh, well, it's not just me, FI really wants one, too": no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ... a billion times NO! He just wants what you told him YOU want so he doesn't have to fight with you about it, because to him, a table is not something you go to war over. Especially since HE really doesn't care what he sits at that day, so long as he gets the 10 minutes to wolf down his prime rib in peace.

megk8oz

~Reflects upon my rantings~: "Holy crap, Meg, you need anger management".

[Deleted User]

Perhaps people just really, really want to do Last Supper reenactments? Fantastic! Also photo op, I REALLY don't get that one.

aerinpegadrak

I can't bring up the Last Supper point to FI, he find the idea so sacrelicious that he would insist on finding some way to do it, even though the reception is in a hotel suite where we won't exactly have tables.I think the biggest reason people have cited is that it "recognizes" the WP in some way.  Umm, I think having them standing next to you at the altar is plenty of recognition. 

lalap69

To be fair, there are groomzilla's who want things like that too.

Liz4444

meg, your fiance thinks he's going to eat?  mine is convinced that we aren't going to get to eat a single bit because we are going to be too busy up and talking to people all night so we don't really even need seats for the two of us.  i told him he can do whatever he wants, i'm sitting my butt down and eating something!

megk8oz

Hahaha, Liz, yeah, actually he keeps saying "Well, I might be hoping in vain, but ..." regarding doing just about ANYTHING that day, lol. I'm with you though, come hell or high water, I'm getting my dinner!

HawaiianTXbride

I think people just "think" they're supposed to have one because they're in a lot of movies. But, really, the reason they're in movies is because of the camera work necessity. They're not really that important for all the other handheld point and shoot cameras. I doubt people really want to take pictures of you eating. I know when I attend weddings I don't pop up from my seat and think "Ohmigosh, the bride and groom are eating what a great photo op!"

megk8oz

Brooke: I apologize ... for NOTHING!

bablingbrooke

Note to self: Add meg to enemies list...

leeshab1982

I've been reading all of these posts about head tables recently and I've honestly been enlightened.  I even brought it up to my fiance to hear his thoughts.  I would estimate that I've been to probably about 20 weddings in the past 10 years and every single one of them has had a head table.  Before reading on the knot, if you asked me why there are head tables at weddings, I probably would have replied that they are "a tradition."  But that's because I really didn't realize you could do other things.  I had never seen it done any other way and I had never thought to do something different.  I just thought that's the way it was.I've been a bridesmaid twice in the past 5 years and both times I sat at the head table and never thought anything of it.  The first time my date sat with other friends and the second time I didn't have a date.  I have never heard any friends or family members complain about or disagree with having to sit at the head table.I realize, now, that it doesn't HAVE to be that way.  I'm just glad that I never posted something about having a head table on here before, because I probably would have been ripped to shreds by this board.  In my case, I was just seriously clueless about the topic.  I think that sometimes there are other brides on this board that are in the same boat.  When I asked my FI about what his thoughts were on doing something other than a head table, he replied, "What's the big deal?  Dinner is only like 45 minutes long anyway."  I think that people who have ALWAYS seen a head table and nothing else don't really understand the fuss.  After I explained, he said whatever everyone is most comfortable with is fine with him. I will say that if a BM told me that she'd really rather sit with her date at my wedding, I would have had no problem with it as long as she expressed it in a polite way.  I think that a bride being clueless is one thing, but intentionally not "allowing" a BM to do something she'd like to do is another.       

megk8oz

Brooke, you are SO not on my friends list anymore!

bablingbrooke

Aw, meg, just because we're enemies doesn't mean we can't be friends! (I'm totally okay w/ the logic of that, btw.)

megk8oz

So are we "frenemies" now? I think I can handle that. *Note to self: do NOT delete Brooke from Friend's List*

aerinpegadrak

Leeshab: It's not just 45 minutes, though.  Between getting ready, taking pictures, the ceremony, and whatnot, your WP probably haven't seen their spouses most, if not all, day.  My sister's wedding was at a time when weekends were literally the ONLY time we saw each other, and her unexpected head table (she planned another setup, but the venue screwed up) was a major blow, and I was just counting the seconds until dinner was over so I could get out of there.It's one of those things where, if no one has a problem with it, it's fine, but if someone does have issues, it's easy and painless to resolve.

megk8oz

Brooke, I just read your comment in the Dress Fail thread, where you techincally said my BM dresses are nice. Can we be friends again? This past 20 minutes of being "frenemies" has just been a total downer.

bablingbrooke

Oh, well, okay! I really do like the dresses, btw. That wasn't facetious. Assuming your BMs aren't visibly pissed (and I can't imagine they would be), you will have a GORGEOUS WP!

megk8oz

Yay! Brooke loves me again! And thanks, I do like hearing I "picked good", lol. Aside from my one "zilla" moment w/ my sisters (My post where they yelled at me because their dresses didn't fit), I've been pretty chill, so hopefully, everybody still likes me day of, lol.

leeshab1982

Aerin, I posted what my FI said because I was just giving an example of the way that a clueless person views this topic.  Fortunately, we both are able to look at it differently after hearing the reasons why it would be better to NOT have a head table.  The purpose of my post was to point out that not everyone who had/is having a head table is a rude bridezilla.  Some people just don't understand that they don't have to do it that way.However, the people who will allow a GM or BM to drop out or who purposely make them sit at the HT knowing that they don't want to, are, in fact, rude.  The people in your bridal party should mean more to you than that.  Even if you can't understand why it's a big deal for them to sit apart, you should still care about making them feel comfortable.  My mom doesn't like to drive outside of the city that she lives in.  I don't get it at all.  Driving is driving no matter what roads you're on.  But, I would never FORCE her to drive far away, knowing that she'd be a nervous, uncomfortable wreck the entire time.  I also would never let her miss out on an event because she wasn't comfortable driving to it.  I always suck it up and drive her myself because she's my mom and I love her.   

KJDOHERTY

I'm curious, do all of the head table haters think it is less rude to not let WP bring significant others on a bus while you drive around and take pictures for several hours (this is the norm in my area) than it is to separate them for the duration of the dinner?  Seems like those of you who argue saying its not only a 45 minute dinner separation also state the WP has been separated from the SOs the majority of the day due to taking pictures and other events.  But to me, it was a no brainer to pay for a bigger bus so SOs (if they wanted to) could ride around with us and drink and hang out while we took pics since the majority of the pics are were just of DH and I anyway.  Once as a guest of the best man at an out of town wedding where I knew no one, I anticipated being on my own for the duration of dinner, no biggie.  But I was definitely bummed when I was told I couldn't join the WP on the bus  while they were gone for over four hours.  I didn't have a car and had to basically just hang around the hotel all afternoon.  Now that to me was rude. 

bablingbrooke

The bus thing is new to me. I have never been in a wedding that did that; we took photos just at the church and reception site, which had really beautiful grounds for pictures.

aerinpegadrak

I'm actually kind of torn on the party bus issue myself.  I'll probably poll the SOs and see who wants to come, but I get the feeling that very few, if any, will.  Then again, our wedding is in Vegas, so there's plenty for people to do if they don't feel like hanging around the hotel room.I think the main thing that people are trying to get across is that you need to take your guests into consideration.  If everyone (WP and SOs) are totally fine with the head table, then great!  If it works for you, that's awesome.  But when a problem comes up, it's the good bride who tries to make other accommodations, and the bad bride who tells the person to suck it up, it's only dinner.  It's important to remember that the point of etiquette isn't to adhere to arcane rules and traditions, it's to avoid any potentially awkward and painful situations and ensure that everyone is comfortable and happy.