Now I'm paranoid...

TiaM32

After the many HT posts last week, someone mentioned something in one of the posts that got me thinking.That poster mentioned about including the WP dates in the limo (or whatever transportation) she was using.  I think other posters chimed in about doing this.  Is this expected?  We weren't planning on doing this (booked a limo bus about a month ago) because I've never actually been to a wedding where they did this.I didn't think much of it until I thought back about other things I have typically seen that go over like a lead balloon here but have seen IRL such as HTs (first saw the WP sitting with their dates at a wedding last Christmas and thought it was a great idea - only saw HTs before that), WP dances (which I never wanted in the first place but almost always see), and the dreaded dollar dance (mostly an ethnic tradition and not a regional one here from the weddings I have been to, and I am currently fighting with the FILs about not doing one after reading things here, not knowing 2/3 of the guests anyhow, being shy, and not wanting people to pay for anything at the wedding).So now I am paranoid that us not including BP dates in the limo bus is a huge misstep.  Am I overreacting or making a huge faux pas?(Sorry, this will most likely be a post and run, but I promise to return and read all of the comments.)

mbcdefg

I thought the same thing when we were first looking into limos. On the one hand, I don't want to separate our WP members from their dates. But on the other hand, I don't want the dates to be bored while they're standing around (hopefully with drinks) during the in-between photos and waiting for things to finish up. All of the dates would have a friend or family member to drive to the reception with, so it's not like they'd be stranded if they didn't come in the limo. FI wants a specialty limo that will seat twice the number of people in our WP, so our plan is to extend the invitation to the dates to ride along. If they don't come along, they can hitch a ride with other friends and relax at the hotel for a while before the reception starts. I don't think it's an awful thing not to include them, unless they would be stranded if they couldn't come in the limo or if it'd be a PITA where they'd have to go out of their way to rent a car or hail a cab or something. Ideally, I think they should be extended the offer and they can accept or decline as they see fit.

mbcdefg

Stage, I think another good point is that the dates may want to drive themselves, so that they and their WP partners will have a way to get home the next day. So I don't think that the dates going on their own is necessarily a bad thing. I think the couple just needs to talk to the WP and see what people need. Open communication is really never a bad thing.

aerinpegadrak

I think it depends on what you're using the limo for.  We're getting a limo for our pre-ceremony photo tour.  We're not planning on including the WP's dates in that, since they won't be in any of the pictures, and I'm sure they'd rather entertain themselves for a couple of hours (it's Vegas, it's not hard) than wait in the limo while we have fun.  If you're just getting it for transportation between the ceremony and reception, I'd find a way to include all of the WP's dates, or see if you can arrange for them to carpool.

KJDOHERTY

Are the WP's SOs coming in from out of town?  If they are coming from out of town, do they have close friends and/or family who will also be attending the weddings as guests?  If they're from out of town  and don't know anyone or the city well, then I think it borders on inconsiderate to not invite them to ride along with the WP and leave them to fend for themselves.  I don't think I would call it a 'huge misstep'. But, if the SOs are from the city where the wedding is taking place or if they are friends with other wedding guests and can therefore find the reception hall easily or find a ride from another guest, then in my opinion it's just a nice gesture to extend an invitation to accompany you on the bus. 

TiaM32

Thanks for the quick comments!  Just a bit more info (which I should have included): BP (which haven't all been asked yet) is siblings (1 of 3 which has a SO, and the SO's parents are invited to the wedding), singles (which of course will get a +1, but we don't know who will bring someone or not), and marrieds (whose weddings I have both been in or will have been in by then - I'm saying this because the transportation circumstances will have been the same for their weddings as ours are currently).The current plan, which isn't set in stone, is that the guys will get rides from wherever they get ready to the ceremony (or, if close enough, have the limo take them first), then pick the girls up at the hotel.  Limo will take us from the wedding to get pictures and then to the reception site.  Ceremony should be over at 4 with a cocktail hour from 5-6 at the reception hall.  The total driving time from ceremony to reception site will be within a half hour.  Once we are dropped off at the reception hall, the limo is done.  We will either have a shuttle that can take us to the hotel afterwards for those staying overnight (or want to leave their cars there), and/or we will have arranged to take people's cars to the reception site the night before or the morning of (it's close and the wedding's not until 3pm).  Does that help?

bablingbrooke

I actually would recommend you have the WP be on their own for transportation. Especially after the ceremony. You'll want some (relatively) private time. We didn't do a limo. My uncle drove me to the wedding and BIL drove DH. BIL drove me and DH to the reception in his unairconditioned camry. WP was on their own. It worked out fine.

Leah&Christian09

Our WP dates didn't ride in the limo. Logistically, it didn't make sense. All the girls got ready at my house and picked up in the limo to go to the church, and the guys got ready at the hotel and also picked up and driven to the church. If the dates had ridden with us, they would have had to meet at our house/hotel early, then ride along and sit through pre-ceremony pics, get to the ceremony early, attend the ceremony, then ride to the reception, then figure out a ride home from the reception. The dates were all local, so they had cars. They got ready at home, showed up at the ceremony at the normal time, attended the ceremony, were invited to hang out during the half hour of pics we had between ceremony/reception, then drove to the reception and hung out with us during the remainder of cocktail hour. I definately think you should invite them to hang out while you are doing pics between the ceremony/reception so that they aren't uncomfortable at the cocktail hour, but I don't think you need to make space for them in the limo. If you're doing one of those drive around for 2 hours with drinks taking pics, I think it starts to get where you should invite them.

TiaM32

Also, to answer a PP, only one person currently lives OOT, but her family is from here (and will also be invited to the wedding).  Obviously I can't speak for the singles, since I have no idea who their guests might be, but currently every BP member that has a specific guest would know other people at the wedding (through work, family, high school, etc.) in case that matters.Stage, I think you said it would be nice to offer letting the dates come with.  Would you say I should try to get a bigger bus then (since it is already contracted), or is it not a big enough deal to change it?

LarissaAnn

It wasn't an issue at my wedding because we got married at the reception venue, but I wonder about the logistics of this. The one wedding I was in that had a limo for us didn't include dates, which was fine with me, because (1) we were driving around taking photos & my date would've been bored and (2) we needed a car to get home afterwards. If he and I were both in the limo, we'd have been stranded at the reception venue. What do people do when everyone's in the limo? How do they get home after the wedding? I'm asking in all seriousness, 'cause now you've got me thinking about it and curious.

TiaM32

Larissa, that's exactly why I am asking.  FI hasn't been in a wedding since I have known him, but I have, and for us personally, it always seemed easier to have him drive and me be in the limo with the WP.  We always know how we are getting home then. I would think I would be bored, personally, if FI was in a wedding, and I was in the limo as his date.  I think I might feel out of place, and if there wasn't a huge gap, I'd probably be even more happy to be seperate, do my own thing while they got pictures, and meet him at the reception site so we'd have a vehicle.  But I could just be weird.

Leah&Christian09

I think this logically works when you have a hotel as home base. You all meet at the hotel, get picked up, and then get driven back to the hotel at the end of the night. If there's a gap, I would prefer to be on the limo if my date is in the WP. At least I can have a drink in the limo and chat with the other dates rather than sitting in my car by myself waiting for the gap to end. Then again, I think gaps are one of the rudest things a couple can do.

banana468

When I was married two years ago, we had just the WP in the limo.  Photos were taking just after the Mass at the church.  Then we piled into the limo with the WP and met everyone at the reception for cocktail hour.  The WP's spouses/dates were already there.At the end of our reception, we got into DH's car and drove to the hotel and the rest of the WP knew in advance to arrange for their transportation from the reception.  It worked well for us.Flash to this year when BIL and SIL were married:  They arranged for a party bus.  The bus picked up the guys from the hotel, dropped them off at the church and then picked all of the ladies up at SIL's parents' home.  After the ceremony, everyone in the WP and their dates piled into the bus and we hung out until we arrived at the reception with our partners.   DH was co-BM but anyone else who was a date was free to hang out at the reception and walk around (it was in an art gallery) while we took wedding photos.     At the end of their reception, we piled BACK into the party bus and we were dropped off at the hotel (where the men were picked up) for the night.  Many of us were from OOT so it worked out well for DH and me.  We never needed to drive our own vehicles from the hotel that day.

banana468

Bottom line:  I think you need to go with what works best for the bridal party and your budget.  I don't think you *have* to provide transportation but if it's at all possible to do that it's nice - particularly if you think your crowd is known to party.

sgstraub

I'm really late on this one, but FI was in a wedding a couple months ago and the WP dates/spouses were invited to ride in the limo. We were from OOT and the only other guest I knew at the wedding was the mother of the groom, so had I not been included in the limo I would've had a lot of trouble getting around. As a WP date, the option was greatly appreciated (although unexpected). They had a HT also, so I probably would've been super irritated if I had to find something to do for the 3 hour gap, find my way around town, AND then get stuck at the singles table.  Just make sure you do your math right, there definitely wasn't enough room for all of us on that limo, there weren't enough glasses for champagne or enough food, and we were all sweating since we were practically sitting on top of each other.  Now that I'm thinking about it, that wedding was really disorganized...

tiffspff

If everyone is coming from out of town, have you considered getting a bus? My mom rented a giant van and drove the bridesmaids and myself to the venue, then my dad went back for guys. We had a bus that brought all the guests to the site (ceremony and reception, same site) and then everyone (including me and DH) rode the bus back to the hotel at the end of the night. That way we didnt have to worry about anyone drinking, or getting lost...

TiaM32

We don't have that many people from OOT, and out of them, maybe up to 3 people total didn't grow up around here.  While the bus would be a nice idea, I think the shuttle option for both hotels we are looking at for the room block would be sufficient.  There will also be specific directions to the cermony and reception sites with free parking for the guests.  If anyone disagrees, though, I am open to hearing comments.It seems as though not having the WP dates in the limo is not a major problem and a lot of people are split on whether they would prefer as WP dates to be included or not.I'm really trying to make sure everyone is comfortable and at ease.  I think our "gap" is more or less non-existent (and suprise, we are having a Catholic wedding!), and nearly all the WP dates would know people invited to the wedding, so I think I am doing ok.  I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a Bridezilla in any way. :)Thanks for the help!  Any additional comments are appreciated!

dsouldiva

I wouldn't include the dates in the limo but it might be an idea to put them in touch with each other so if they want to organise sharing cars or booking a cab they can

sakelp

i was a wedding widdow at my future brother in law's wedding... my fiancee ( botfriend at the time) was in the wedding party, but i was not. He rode in the limo, but i just went back to the hotel with some friends and had a few drinks before the reception started.... wedding tailgating we called it. it wasn't a big deal to me, or the other girls whose significant others were in the limo, and they were not. When we get married this summer, we most likely will not include the people who are not in the wedding party in the limo ride... their dates can just drive from the ceremony to the reception by themselves, or ride with friends... it's only a few min that they will have to be seperated.. they can deal.

phut_action

No way, its absolutely not necessary. It would be a nice gesture if you can afford it, but absolutely not necessary. I've been to several weddings now where my fiancee was in the party and I was expected to provide my own transport. This is not a bad thing, and I was not offended. Its actually a good thing. How else do you expect them to get home at the end of the day if the dates ride in the limo with you? The limo won't drive everyone home, will it? Someone's got to bring a car!

Sparkette19

Ya know, I think it really makes a difference if you know the couple vs. if a member of the WP's date is kind of new or is a random. For example, my FI and I are good friends with my BM and her BF. I wouldn't hesitate to include the BF in the limo. However, a lot of my FI's friends are single. We are extending them a +1 invite b/c I think it's the right thing to do. That being said, I don't want random people in our limo that I don't know.

asl71476

I've been in what feels like 800,000 weddings and am finally planning my own. I have never had my date in the wedding party limo for a single wedding I've been in. I like to think too that the two of us can survive without each other for a brief period of time!  =)In our case, we are not including WP dates in the limos. My fiancee will be picked in one limo from his hotel with his party, myself and the girls will be picked up at our house to be transported to the church. Once the service is over, the guests will drive to the reception site while we have pics taken. Limos will drive us and the WP to the reception site, and then be gone! My bridesmaids know that their dates will be driving around solo for a bit, and no one seems at all miffed. As a matter of fact, they're relieved to know they have a way home from the reception and won't have to wait around!

sunnybloom

We have invited the members of the wedding party's guest in the party bus.  They are our friends/family too so we wanted them to be there!!

mphfoil

To skip all this drama we are only having one Limo (a small one) to bring the BM's, my Mom, and me to the church (cause we are all getting ready together) and then the limo is taking just my FI and I back to the reception  (this will also give us some alone time to just sit back and go "wow we're married now" and bask in the glow).  We are making sure though that there will be transportation for everyone in the WP to the reception but most of our WP's dates are driving so that there will be transportation to the reception and from the reception home (which was a problem at another friend's wedding).  I have seen this method done before at a few weddings and it has worked out great!  And it helps keep our budget down (which is always a good thing in this time of belt tightening).