Bridesmaid Trouble--Kinda long--Sry!

jenniferjo42

Okay...I'm a little peeved right now over this situation! I am getting married in March of 2010. We, as in all my girls in my wedding, went and looked and tried on dresses at the beginning of August...had them picked out and everything, they new the cost! Well, so I sent everyone emails letting them know the style and color and the direct link to the dress. Okay, so I told them to all order them by mid-September because they were going on discontinued on David's Bridal....so I emailed them all and asked them if they had ordered them....not a problem 3 out of my 4 had ordered them...so I contact my 4th who had not ordered hers, shes like I'll do it the first week in October...fine I'll give her til then...I kept an eye on them to make sure that they were still available.... Come the second week October I email her, text her, facebook her to see if she has ordered it...never hear from her...she's like no...so I get irritated....she said oh yea I'll do it this week...so I let it go...forgot about it because we are in the midst of packing up and getting ready to move, so things have been totally hectic.... I email her Monday, asking her if she had ordered her dress yet, she said no I am trying to lose more weight....Let me add this note....I told her if she did not have the money to order her dress to let me know and I will order for her and pay for it...she is on unemployment right now because of a problem that happened to her at work...anyways....my mom even told her if she needed money to order her dress to let her know...she's like oh no...I got it covered...fine... So, I am instantly ticked...well a lot more than ticked....I get on DB website and it can only be bought in the store...which means she has to go get it from the store...I cannot honestly see that happening at all! I couldn't even get her to call in and get it.... I would of just ordered it...but they did not have her size in the same style dress that we wanted....and she has got some boobs, so she wanted to go try it on in her size and make sure that she got the right size so it would fit right around everything. Well.....I am so stressed and ticked right now over the whole thing and trying to pack up and move and work on this wedding stuff...that I am at the point of just gettting another girl for my wedding party who I wanted in it anyways...but we were trying to keep the parties even because of money... What do you all think? Should I just ask the other girl that I wanted in the wedding as my 5th bridesmaid and I know I can depend on....hopefully...lol...or should I just keep on her butt about the dress?

baystateapple

You can't kick her out if you want her to still be your friend.  If you're okay with losing a friend, then by all means, kick her out.  But it will reflect poorly on you.She still has the time to order the dress, you are five months out.  I would contact DB and find out the absolute latest she could order a dress, let her know that date, and tell her that she has until then to order her dress.  If she fails to order it by then, you'll be happy to see her at the wedding as a guest.And please don't ask a fifth person to replace her.  It looks bad all around.

aerinpegadrak

If she doesn't get the dress, she's excused herself from the wedding.  That's it, really.Please don't ask someone else to be a place filler.  It's an insult to the original bridesmaid, and an insult to the person who was a second choice.Why would trying to keep the parties even have anything to do with money?  Does the church charge you a fee if you have an odd number of attendants?

mbcdefg

You gave her the info about the dress and she said she'd get it done. You offered to pay for her and she turned it down. You've done all you can do ... she knows that she needs to get the dress, so if she wants to be in the wedding then she will get it done (maybe she can rush-order it if need be, or find it on eBay). If she does not have the dress in her hands by February, then apparently she does not want to be in the wedding and you would be within your rights to tell her to just wear whatever she'd like and attend as a guest. You do not need to keep nagging her, because that will just make her MORE reluctant to get it done. Treat her like an adult and hopefully she will act like one. Treat her like a child and she will act like a child. Asking a replacement BM would be INCREDIBLY insulting on a number of levels:* you're telling the original BM that a dress ultimately means more to you than a friendship.* you're telling the new BM that she wasn't good enough to make the cut in the first place, and that an even bridal party meant more to you than including her in your wedding, but now she's good enough to be a BM because you need a slot-filler.* you're telling the other BMs that they are easily replaceable should they happen to upset you.So, no, if this girl does not get her dress then do NOT replace her. If you want to add the fifth girl because she is genuinely a very good, close friend (not because you think she can help you out or get the dress better than this other girl can), then add her now, because adding her now is not treating her as a replacement (because the other girl is still in the wedding). If you would mainly be adding her to be a warm body to keep the sides even, then forget about adding her, and if you have three BMs in the end then so be it. The world will not end if your bridal party is uneven.

duckie1905

Do you think people like telling their friends and family that can't do things they said they would because of money issues?  Do you think it is easy or fun for this friend to admit to you see can't afford the dress.  Do you think it is easy for everyone to accept charity, even when offered?Just buy her the dress without a word and be done with it.

gottahavashorti

Don't kick her out or replace her.  If it's discontinued and they run out of her size, a lot of DB dresses can be found on ebay, craigslist, the Trash to Treasure board, Weddingbee classifieds, etc.  Or she could get a coordinating dress in the same color when she's able, DB dresses come in pretty quickly.

bablingbrooke

I think you've been micromanaging her and that's why she's delayed it. I think she knew when she had to get the dress and opted not to for whatever reason and it's still possible for her to get it, albeit not online. I think it's just a dress.

megk8oz

Don't "replace" her ... that's incredibly rude to do. And most of the time, when brides do this, it's to maintain "even sides", which you really don't need. The only job a BM has to do is get the dress and show up (clean and sober) wearing it. Not getting the dress implies she is removing herself from the WP. So pretty much until she comes to you and just says "I can't get it", you have to give her the benifit of the doubt to get her butt to DB to get the dress.

banana468

I'm curious, did you ask her what her budget was in advance?  When you take a group shopping and they agree on a dress as a group, she may have felt pressured into saying it was fine because she didn't want to be the odd one out.I'd have a heart to heart with her.  Don't be accusatory and tell her that she didn't uphold her end of the deal.  Ask her if things are OK and see what YOU can do to help alleviate some of her stress.

jeannigirl

Very simple you tell this BM that she has by this date to purchase her dress. She's an adult if she doesn't get it then she has taken herself out of the BP. No do not kick her out and replace her with someone else that is a slap in the face to both girls.

jenn.daniel

Is she one of those people who procrastinates on everything? If that's the case, I'd say back off and don't worry b/c she'll get it done. Do you ever talk with her? It sounds like your only contact with her is about her getting her dress. She may feel that you're treating her more like an accessory than like a friend. Or she could just be distracted b/c she doesn't have a job and is worrying about it. Try to really talk to her and don't bring up wedding stuff. She's likely to say something that will help you figure out what's going on.