I know I am being irrational

dana129

I know this, but I am still upset by it.. my best friend is not coming to my wedding. I told her the date 4 months ago and she and her husband decided to try and get pregnant and figured they wouldn't get it on the first shot, and well they did, and now they can't come cause the baby will only be 6 weeks old (they live in Florida and apparently babies can't fly with out immunizations.....) I am just upset that she didn't/couldn't wait. (this will be her second child) I did and have done so much for her and it just makes me mad. I know I am being selfish, but honestly every now and then I should be allowed to be selfish, since in our relationship, I am always the selfless one, and she is always selfish, and she is again. Sorry to vent...

slharbi94

I understand your frustration. Couldn't she leave the baby for a quick day with her husband and fly in real quick and fly out? I wish I was more help.

BeccaC1234

I can see being bummed out, but to be "mad" and think that she should have waited?  Really???  I have 2 friends and a cousin that won't be able to make my wedding because of their due dates.  Yes, I wish they could be there, and so do they, but I couldn't be any happier for them.  Sometimes we want to be selfish, but it doesn't mean it's right.  Just because you are happy and super excited about your wedding doesn't mean other people should put their lives on hold.

dana129

Yes I think me being mad is fine. Her wedding was 4 days before my brothers wedding and she made a huge stink about me being there, and I made the arrangements to be at her wed evening wedding and my brothers saturday wedding. Mind you hers was in FL and my brothers in NY. So yes I think being mad is a reasonable response. Yes I am happy she is having another baby, but I don't think that waiting 1 month to get knocked up is putting their life on hold. Becca, I guess you think this is my fault because I have high expectations for my friends... and maybe that is the case.. because I expect them to act and treat me the way I do them....

MBLove

I am sorry you are going through this. I know how important it is to have your best friend be by your side on one of the most important days of your life. It's okay to be a little selfish if that's what you need to feel right now. My therapist always says that we are exactly where we need to be each moment of each day...so if you need to be selfish today then be selfish. Maybe in the future you will learn to set boundaries with her by not always being the selfless one. Relationships are give and take and when someone takes too much, the other person giving needs to set boundaries on what they are willing to give in the relationship.I know this all sounds like cheesy psycho-babble, but really I am sure you are doing the best you can by venting to us about it--at least your not screaming at her over the phone. You know this is not worth losing your friendship over so you are venting in a relatively safe space (the SA knot board). Hang in there!

BeccaC1234

Look, I wasn't trying to be a biatch.  Just giving my opinion.  You have every right to feel however you want, but it doesn't mean I have to agree.I do find it interesting that you took such offense to my response when you titled your post "I know I am being irrational."  I simply agreed to that title.  Also, your friend would have had to put off trying to get pregnant more than 1 month since in most cases women shouldn't be traveling in their last trimester.  You even said yourself that she didn't think she would get pregnant right away....but obviously it was in God's plan.  How was she supposed to know???I understand that when you give and give in a relationship, and don't feel like you are receiving anything in return it is very difficult.  But that's when you have to decide whether it's worth maintaining that relationship or saying "you know what, I'm going to step back.  Until she can treat me the same way I treat her, it's not worth my effort."  This is not to say you can't be friends with that person, but that you need to back off and decide what's best for you.

rmfriedman

I have to admit that I would be annoyed as well - not that she decided to get pregnant, but because she can't find a way to show up at the wedding.  Like the PP said, your best friend could fly without the baby for at least one day.  I know I would do everything in my power to be at my best friend's wedding.  I think being temporarily angry is not unreasonable, especially when you are venting to neutral parties (like us!).  Just hang in there...and try not to hold this against her for a long period of time.  Don't let this overshadow the rest of your friendship that you've built thus far. I'm so sorry she isn't going to make it.  Hopefully you have other friends and family members who will be by your side and cheering you on. 

irishdancer

I know you don't understand it now, but one day when you are trying to have children you will. Making babies is actually much  harder than most people think, and she was right to expect to not get pregnant on the first try.  She is extremely lucky to even get pregnant, much less on the first try.  And who knows, perhaps this was the only month she would be able to.  If she had waited a few months, and then was unable to conceive, would you want her to feel resentful to you, wondering "what if" about the months that she put off because of your wedding?  Like I said, it's impossible for someone without kids to understand her situation.  I would just let it go, be happy for her,  and fully expect her to be excited for you when one day you tell her you are pregnant.

Monica08

I wouldn't travel across several states and leave my 6-week old at home. I had a friend who didn't attend my wedding with her 3-month old because she put her baby first, and I feel that's MORE than fine and she was only 4 hours away. Being upset she can't be there is one thing, but saying you're mad she didn't wait kind of overboard.You said it yourself- it's selfish and irrational. Be sad/upset/angry and then let it go because there's nothing you can do about it.

tallon617

I would be upset but at the same time I would understand why. Remember that what goes around comes around whether it's good or bad. She'll be there for you, not in the way you would like but nevertheless she'll be there in some regard.

leighzlou

Umm, wow.... You do know the world revolves around the sun, not you, right?This idea that your friend should have waited to try for a baby for the sake of your wedding is ridiculous. They need to do that on their timing. Doctors won't let you travel that far after about 34 weeks, which means they would have had to wait 3 or 4 months. Even then, you sound like the type of person who would have been upset your friend would be pregnant in all the pictures. Top that will the no chance in hell I would leave my baby at 6 weeks to do a one day trip to a wedding several states away.I have to say though, I must give it to the rest of the ladies because they are being must more polite that I would be if I had been the first on you your post. I don't think you have any right to be mad or upset about it. Its life. Get over it. While you are at it, be happy for your friend because having a baby is a bigger deal than a wedding.

marisa39

I understand why she would be upset and have a short bought of selfishness.  I mean, it's her BEST FRIEND, and probably one of the people she wanted to be there the most. However, I do agree with PP that you need to just let it go and be happy for your friend.  Having children is just something you cannot time.  Some people try for months or even years to conceive.  This baby is a blessing. And as much as those of us who do not have children don't understand it, 6 weeks is just way too soon to leave a baby.  Try to look at a different side of things and good luck.

Little_Lily_9

I think some of the knotties on here need to take a chill pill or something. Because the person was asking for advice not for verbal attacks. This is why I like Wedding Bee better

TexasAmanda

leighzlou, i don't think you were being too harsh and i think that you are right. sometimes the worst thing that other women can do for each other is to rationalize our sometimes crazy behavior. planning a baby is a much bigger deal than planning a wedding. human being vs. a one day event. yes, the wedding stands for something larger than a one day event, but so long as your best friend is supportive in your decision to marry your FI, then that all you can really ask of your best friend.

salbert79

This girl's not asking for advice, she's wanting to vent which is perfectly fine. Hopefully, after a few night's of sleep and maybe a bottle of wine she's come to her senses and gotten off the Bridezilla train. For the record, I wouldn't leave my 6-week-old with someone else in another state either...that's crazy.Dana129: It's totally okay to feel bummed about your friend not coming, but cheer up! If you are really that good of friends, you'll stay friends for the rest of your life. That counts more anyway.

sarahhhhhh

Some of ya'lls posts were downright rude. This place is supposed to be a forum where we offer advice,vendor recs, or as a place to "anonymously" vent our frustrations. No need to get nasty.My 2 cents? It is a bit selfish of you to ask her to leave her child behind or go through a long trip to get to your wedding. Babies are extremely difficult to travel with...I know...I drove for 16 hours to Mexico with my aunt, her husband, and baby. If ANYTHING...think of the baby...it's not the baby's fault and it should not have to be put through the kind of stress that traveling brings.

dana129

Thank you to everyone who realized I was just venting here instead of at her. For the record, she left her first child, a 4 week old with her mom, for her husbands' friends wedding, so me thinking that I am her BEST FRIEND to leave it with her mom is not out of line in this context, she has already done it!!!!! So for those who wouldn't leave at 6 week old she has already done it. Furthermore, I am over it now, talked to my college roommate who made me see the light, I have always been a better friend to her then she ever was to me, and I just need to accept that fact. I realize now, that if she is not there, I really won't care, cause those who really love me will move mountains to be there. As I have done for them. And to those who felt the need to yell/set me straight/make me feel worse then I did, a huge thanks but no thanks to you... I needed to vent, not to be told how "wrong" I was in your opinion.

Monica08

Look, if you put a vent/rant on here, you're going to get people who agree with you and those who don't. It's a public message board and that's how it goes. If you want validation and to be told you're right, that's not always going to happen. Just like you have your opinion, others have their own as well, and there's no need to tell them "no thanks to you".

Monica08

And I don't see how anyone yelled at you on a message board.