Older Ring Bearer and Flower Girl

lightmuse

I don't have too many younger kids in my family, and the ones that I do have I don't think would be the best choices for either of these roles.  I have 4 younger siblings (ages 12F, 14M, 16F, and 21M), and I want them all to be involved in the wedding. 

The 16F and the 21M are already going to be a bridesmaid and a groomsman. I would like to make the 12F and the 14M junior members of the bridal party, but do you think they could also double as the ring bearer and flower girl? 

It would be a break on tradition, but maybe the flower girl could carry a special bouquet instead of petals and the ring bearer could do something else other than the pillow.  I was thinking that the two of them could be at the front of the bridesmaid/groomsmen procession.

Any thoughts on this, or ideas how I could turn these two roles into something more fitting for teenagers?

Thank you!  

bablingbrooke

We had older RBs (11) and FGs (9 1/2) but I think teenagers and an adult (21!) would be mortified at the idea of being RBs and FGs.  I would either ask them to be in the WP as BM and GM or just have them come as guests.  Kids in the 12-16 age range can be real brats (they can't help it!) and I know I'd rather be a guest or a BM than a FG at that age.  Especially the 21 year old--are you kidding me?  These people are all old enough to be able to go to an event without having to be included, and making up jobs for them is not a way to honor people.  

lightmuse

"The 16F and the 21M are already going to be a bridesmaid and a groomsman."

These two definitely aren't going to be the flower girl and ringbearer.  Sorry if that wasn't clear.  I  meant for the 12 and 14 year olds.

Edit:
Also, I'm not forcing them into the bridal party. I love them to death and they would love to be bridesmaids and groomsmen reguardless.  I just don't have any good candidates for the ring bearer and flower girl, so I was just thinking about transforming the role into something that the 12 and 14 year olds could do on top of being junior members of the bridal party (I'm asking for advice on how to possibly make the role of flower girl and ring bearer seem more mature for them).

bablingbrooke

Sorry--pumped full of benadryl today and apparently can't read.  You could ask, but like I said, at that age they may not be into it.  

mbcdefg

Why do you even need a ring bearer and flower girl at all? It's fine if you have small kids that you really want to include and they would enjoy those jobs ... but stretching for people to include JUST for the sake of filling those roles is pretty silly.

They're not required jobs. If you don't have anyone immediately in mind for them, just don't have them. They serve no purpose other than to look cute (if you have small kids). The flower girls often are not allowed to scatter petals in some venues, and the ring bearer almost never carries the real rings.

We didn't have either role. Not only is our marriage still valid, but it was a JOY not to have small children to worry about while we were getting ready or while we were off taking photos (or drinking in the limo).

lightmuse

@mbcdefg That's a very good point.  I guess I got a bit wrapped up in it because my family is very traditional, and I know people will start asking about it.  I was just wondering if there was some way to make it work.  My wedding will be very much a reflection of my FI and myself, but its always nice to make the family happy in some areas.

mattycam

Just have a junior bridesmaid, a junior groomsmen and forget about the flowergirl and ring bearer. I have been to wedding without the FG and RB and it was fine.

trix1223

I'm with malphabet.  My first thought, when reading your OP was just have the 13 and 14 year olds as bridesmaid and groomsman as well.  RB and FG are wedding roles that exist for no other reason than "Awwww.  They're so cute".

Our son and DIL and our DD and SIL didn't have any children in their WP.  And they're still happily married.  For that matter,  DH and I didn't have any kids in the WP, nor did my sister and BIL, nor did my brother and SIL, nor did my BIL and his wife.  And among us we have over 100 years of happy marriages.

Skip the FG and RB.  Make them BM and GM. 

mbcdefg

I really doubt anyone will be sitting there on your wedding day and whispering to each other, "Why don't they have a flower girl and a ring bearer?"

If your relatives are bugging you that much about it, ask them if THEY want to do it.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_older-ring-bearer-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:104cbe3f-e081-46e6-bc78-571878a0b30ePost:9cdab7ef-0fab-479d-9253-2ad2a2103494">Re: Older Ring Bearer and Flower Girl</a>:
[QUOTE]I really doubt anyone will be sitting there on your wedding day and whispering to each other, "Why don't they have a flower girl and a ring bearer?"<strong> If your relatives are bugging you that much about it, ask them if THEY want to do it.</strong>
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Aunt Mildred as flower girl really makes my day.

Istremene

Er well my FG is 23 and my RB 24.  It started as us joking about how they would be great in those roles and they have embraced them.  So we are keeping them as FG & RB instead of BM and GM.

You do not HAVE to HAVE either in your party.  I have been to weddings where the best man carried the rings and you can always have a junior bridesmaid.  Though if I had a younger BM I would still call her a BM with nothing junior about it but that is just me.

Try making it fun or funny?  Ask them if they would like to participate as FG or RB?  They may love the idea or be mortified.  Just see how they react.