MoH trouble!

nicholssquared

Alright, girls. Here's my situation and I need some advice.

My bridal party is all picked out. However, two of my three girls are both looking to be my Maid of Honor. I know which one I want to choose - even though I've been friends with her for a shorter amount of time she's really been there for me throughout the wedding process and has included me very intimately in her life. She and I have a much deeper friendship, but I know the other maid feels entitled to the position because she's known me longer, even though out friendship has recently become lukewarm. She also has a tenency to blow small things way out of proportion and become really upset at people, like to the point of not speaking to them, guilt tripping them, etc. She's not a bad person, she can just be a bit of a drama queen sometimes (I think we all have those moments).

My question is this: how can I break it to maid B that I want maid A to be my MoH minimizing hurt feelings? I know that if maid B becomes too upset, she might leave my bridal party and while I can accept that as her desicion and let her go, I really want to include her and that situation would make me a little sad on my special day. So, it's really important to me to be as conciencious as possible. How can I break it to her nice and easily?

tidetravel

If it were me, I would probably avoid the drama all together and just have 3 BMs.  If anyone asked why they we're MOH, just tell them that you love them all too much to choose between them.

frogurt814

You don't "break the news."  You simply ask A to be MOH and B to be a BM.  Not at the same time.  You should ask them each separately as with any other BMs so that if they don't think they can be a BM and need to decline the offer, then can do so privately with you instead of in front of everyone else.

nicholssquared

@ PP: That's a good idea. So I should just invite her out to coffee or something and mention it during some one-on-one time? That way if she feels the need to make a scene, I don't have to embarrass my other girls, and if she wants to decine to be in the wedding she can do that to without feeling pressured.

If it was me, I would still feel pressure to stay in that situation. I hope she doesn't feel that way. One can only hope, though.

marissa_claire

Ditto PPs - you can either not have a MOH and split some of the things a MOH does (holding bouquet, signing the license, making the toast) OR just don't tell B that she's not MOH.  She should get the hint.  

For everyone else, just want to ask - why in the world do girls get upset over who is their very best friend??? I literally had this argument in kindergarten over my friend Amanda.  

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:11300c57-2cc9-4fd7-b7d3-26ea46e3a5dcPost:e01b8693-e84c-46db-9e5d-30c9c76e4d0d">Re: MoH trouble!</a>:
[QUOTE]@ PP: That's a good idea. So I should just invite her out to coffee or something and mention it during some one-on-one time? That way if she feels the need to make a scene, I don't have to embarrass my other girls, and if she wants to decine to be in the wedding she can do that to without feeling pressured. If it was me, I would still feel pressure to stay in that situation. I hope she doesn't feel that way. One can only hope, though. :)
Posted by nicholssquared[/QUOTE]
You should ask each BM individually anyway, regardless of who would/would not make a scene.

Yes, take her out for coffe...go get your nails done...go out for lunch.  Whatever is a normal casual activity for you and your friend, do that.  You can even call her on the phone to ask your MOH and BMs.  It doesn't have to be something super duper extra special.

nicholssquared

@ Marissa: I think that's a little dumb, too. I'm stressing out over hurting her feelings when really she should be a mature enough person to see that [A] is a closer friend to me now and to not be offended by it. I doubt I am [B]'s best friend, and I don't think I will be her MoH when she gets married, and it's not bothering me one bit. /shrug/

[Deleted User]

If she's going to dislike you for not asking to be your MOH, I hate to be blunt but, you've got more than MOH issues with her.  No one should get so upset over not being a MOH that they want to end their friendship with you.

MrsMack10612

Another option is you can have 2 MsOH.

lindsaynewbride10

Before I say anything else, I have to point out that if "MOH B" would be mad enough to just drop out of your wedding because she's not the MOH- then I'm not sure that she should even be considered for a BM.

As for "how" you tell "MOH B" that she's a BM and not MOH- I'd simply say that you would love to have her as a bridesmaid for your wedding- don't go into giving reasons why she didn't get the part. If she asks, well, then I'd give a short and sweet answer like, "I feel you would have the best time as a BM," and leave it at that- if she gets pissed or just keeps digging, then I'd have to re-evaluate whether I'd even want her in my wedding. Good luck!