How much the wedding party should spend

marcie0512

I haven't had anyone complain about the prices of things yet but I had a few questions:

how much on average should the bm and gm be spending and who pays for what?

heres what I was thinking, the the bm's pay for their transportation to the hotel, 1/2 the hotel room, their shoes and dress. I would take care of the other 1/2 of the hotel hair, makeup jewlery (which i made ) and wedding day transport (obviously) and then the gm's pay for their transport to the hotel, 1/2 the hotel expense and their tux package rental. we were going to pay for the other 1/2 of their hotel and a day of "freshen up" hot shave, trim that sort of thing.

And what about the ring bearer and flower girl, should i be offering to pay for 1/2 of their hotels (family too obviously) or let them float the whole bill.

I want to do as much as i can for my party because lets face it everyone is in a slump in michigan but at the same time i dont want to bankrupt us too. *sigh* OH and what about our mom and dads, do we pay for their rooms and tux rentals too? So so confused.

mbcdefg

They should pay for their dresses and tuxes, but you are obligated to ask them what they can afford to spend (individually and privately) before you start shopping. Get everyone's budget and then only look at dresses/tuxes that they can all afford ... so if the lowest quote is $125 for a dress, then only look at dresses that are under $125. If you want to chip in money to everyone bring up the budget a bit, that's fine.

That's the only way to determine what they "should" spend. Anything beyond that ... as long as you're not requiring it, then it's entirely up to them. There's no magic number aside from what they actually tell you. I asked my BMs what was reasonable for a dress and they both said "Anything $200 or less is O.K." and I found dresses for $129. I don't know what they spent beyond that ... they both elected on their own to buy new shoes and get pro hair and makeup, they wore their own personal jewelry, they paid for their own alterations, and IDK what they may have spent on the shower or bachelorette or whatever since it wasn't my business.

They should pay for their own alterations. They should also pay to get themselves to your wedding area and back home again, unless you are demanding that they fly in earlier or stay longer than they otherwise planned to.

Anything beyond that, if you require it then you have to pay. Pro hair and makeup (even if they're allowed to pick the style), specific shoes (which are unnecessary anyway, since nobody ever notices the shoes and like PP said, people have specific comfort needs), specific jewelry, if you tell them they have to stay in a hotel, etc.

If you ask them to wear any black shoes they want, they can pay. If you say, "Wear these specific black shoes," then you must pay. If you tell them that your hairstylist charges $x for bridesmaids, but they're welcome to use another stylist or style their own hair, then you do not have to pay. You DO have to pay if you say, "Use this stylist" or "Get your hair professionally done, but you can pick the stylist" or "You have to get an updo but I don't care where you get it done." (No need to dictate the style, either.)

The couple always pays for the flowers, limo, rehearsal dinner meal and wedding meal. And a thank you gift for each attendant (aside from the jewelry).

If you're not requiring something, but feel like paying anyway or giving them things like jewelry so they don't have to buy themselves something, then that's nice of you but not mandatory. Talk it over with them and see what they want to do.

marcie0512

i dont care about hairstyle, makeup and nails really i was just going to be nice and throw that in there, like a pre wedding pampering kind of thing since we are doing a late afternoon ceremony and late reception. and the shoes thing i just want all black shoes they are full length gowns so it doesnt really matter height and all that as long as they are comfy and black is all i care about. hmmm i still wonder about the flower girl and ring bearer. well, now that i think about it both of them are children of someone in the party lol i totally forgot. thanks ladies for the advice ill just have to shoot some numbers by them and see where their comfort level is and see what we can do beause there is a certain dress i want them to have and we have found it for under a hundred at this point but like i said a couple of them are double party people (gm and ring bearer, bm and flower girl etc)

banana468

Definitely ask them a budget before you even LOOK at BM dresses.

And don't be afraid to shop around.  Bargains are everywhere.

mbcdefg

i dont care about hairstyle, makeup and nails really i was just going to be nice and throw that in there, like a pre wedding pampering kind of thing since we are doing a late afternoon ceremony and late reception. and the shoes thing i just want all black shoes they are full length gowns so it doesnt really matter height and all that as long as they are comfy and black is all i care about.

Then your plan is fine

hmmm i still wonder about the flower girl and ring bearer. well, now that i think about it both of them are children of someone in the party lol i totally forgot.

Talk to their parents and ask what they can afford for their outfits. Beyond that, everything else is up to them. Help out if you wish, but you don't have to as long as you're not requiring anything.

thanks ladies for the advice ill just have to shoot some numbers by them and see where their comfort level is and see what we can do beause there is a certain dress i want them to have and we have found it for under a hundred at this point but like i said a couple of them are double party people (gm and ring bearer, bm and flower girl etc)

Well, see, the problem with that is that they might feel pressured into agreeing with you about the price, even if they can't afford it. If a good friend said to you, "I really love this BM dress for you and it's $x, is that O.K.?" or "I was thinking that $x is reasonable, how about you?" wouldn't you feel really bad if you had to say no? I think most friends would say they're fine with the price, and then maybe worry about how to afford it. Plus you may run into problems when it's time to order and they don't have the money.

Call or e-mail each girl (not a group CC'ed e-mail) and say, "What do you want to spend on a dress?" And once they all give you a price, take the lowest price and that's what you need to stay with. If the price quote is lower than the dress you want, then either find a cheaper dress or give them each some cash to cover the difference.