I've been having serious issues with my MOH from almost day one when it came to planning my wedding. She lives about 3 and a half to 4 hours away from me in the next state over, so she's not here with me for any of the planning or anything, but I didn't really expect anything out of my BMs other than to buy their dresses and show up for the things they needed to be at (rehearsal, RD, wedding). I even told them all that I didn't mind what dress they picked out, as long as it was the apple red colour from David's Bridal. I wanted them all to feel good in what they were wearing, and also allow them to choose based on their price range.
There were several things that happened that MOH did that really hurt my feelings (telling me my wedding dress is ugly, saying she'd throw me a bridal shower but then expecting EVERYONE on the guest list to travel to where she is, rather than her travel down to where everyone else is, calling my FMIL a B*ch when she offered to host the shower instead, the list goes on...) but the worst trouble i'm having seems to be with her doing the only expectations I really had. When I blocked rooms at a hotel for out of town guests, I thought I got a really good deal, 89 dollars a night at a really nice hotel that normally costs like 130 a night. MOH had a cow and said that that was out of her price range. So I said okay, and spent days researching hotels around that only cost like 35-50 a night instead. She said no to all of them, and said she'd just pay to stay at the hotel I blocked off. When it came to dresses, she went shopping at david's bridal several times, and sent me pictures of all the ones she tried on. Then she kept complaining about how she can't find any dresses in her price range. I asked her what that was, she said $200 for the dress and any alterations. That confused me because I know David's has many dresses that would easily fit in that price range, so I looked on the website. ALL of the dresses she tried on were out of her price range, and when I tried suggesting anything else to her, she said no to all of it, and decided she wanted one of the dresses that was like $180.
Yesterday, I was out with my two local BMs, and they asked me what I was doing for my hair, if I'd researched any salons, etc. So I sent MOH a text asking, in general, whether she'd want to get her hair done at a salon, or if she wanted to just do it herself to save money (it wasn't a requirement or a demand for her to do it). She replies to me jumping all over my case, saying that she doesn't have any money to be getting her hair done, that all this is costing her "like 500 dollars" and it's stressing her out and she's honestly having second thoughts about even being in the wedding at all because I'm not being sensitive to her financial situation. After I calmed down (because it really pissed me off and hurt my feelings), I replied to her saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, I've been doing everything I can to help make this more affordable for you, and i'm not sure what else I can possibly do. It was never my intention to cause you stress or trouble by asking you to be my MOH. I can appreciate your financial situation because money is tight for everyone, and if you can't afford to be in the wedding, I would be sad but would understand. But I need to know."
She said she'd "think about it" and get back to me. She even hinted at possibly not even coming at all, not even as a guest. I mean, did I do something wrong here? Was I wrong to offer her an "out" considering the circumstances? I haven't thrown her out or anything, but considering how much she's been complaining about the cost of everything... I dunno. I guess I just need some reassurance.