...a circus?

Heathers22279

Hi everyone - I'm newly engaged and just starting to think about logistics.  I knew I was in trouble even before we took this step regarding my bridesmaids.  I have a lot of girls on the family side that I HAVE to include (between mine and his) and also have a group of extremely close girlfriends.  I'm able to take 2 of his sisters and 2 of my cousins and have them escort our grandmothers down the aisle but i'm still left with 12.  A lot of my friends have had extremely large bridal parties but I just want to get some advice here....

What do I do?  Will this be a circus or is it ok to have a large bridal party and simply just have the walk down the aisle be a tad breezier (bridal party would be seated during ceremony)????  

bablingbrooke

See the post below you: Too many sisters.  It's a very similar situation to yours and I think you'd find a lot of the advice would be repeated.

The long and the short of it: Don't be concerned with the "look" of the WP; the more important factor is who is in it.  If that means 12 BMs, that means 12 BMs.  So long as you make your decision based on, "Who do I want standing next to me when I say my vows?" without regard to numbers, symmetry, gender, etc. and asked accordingly, in my book you've done it right.

But if you're just engaged, and haven't even booked anything and are more than a year out, I would recommend waiting before asking anyone. Not only may your relationships change, your wedding plans may change.  No need to ask until you're less than a year out (some on here would say 6-9), since there's nothing for them to do at this point and again, if you haven't booked anything, you really shouldn't ask until you can give them a time or place to commit to (could you commit to something if you didn't know where or when it was?).

Manwaithiel

Take a step back. You just got engaged. Which is awesome.

Your wedding is a little too far away (is September 1st a definite?) for you to be choosing BP members yet.

Now, here are some things to think about.

1) Wait until about 6-8 months before the wedding. So until Valentine's Day has come and gone, don't think about asking anyone. I would wait until March even.

2) Have your nearest and dearest up there with you. The girls on his side can stand on his side if he really wants them there, but it's your FI's responsibility to include them if he wants them. You're only obligated to include people attached to you family and friend wise as you see fit. Some families are absolutely crazy about including every single sibling and cousin, others don't mind so much. Like I said, waiting for a few months will give you some perspective.

3) When you DO ask everyone, be sure to ask them each individually for a dress budget. Do not require hair and makeup unless you are willing to pay for it. Don't try and force anyone into hairstyles/dresses/shoes/etc that they absolutely hate. Choose a reasonable dress that they can afford and give them a neutral color shoe (silver, gold, etc.) and you'll be much happier for it.


The key here is WAIT. Just let things marinade for a little while before you make decisions. Remember, once you ask someone, you can't take back the offer.

mbcdefg

Ditto PPs on everything.

Yes, the bridal party can sit for the ceremony. This happens in Catholic weddings. We had the Best Man and MOH on the altar with us, and the others sat in the first pew on either side after they processed into the church.

aerinpegadrak

Don't do anything yet.  I know my ideas for the wedding changed roughly 4.7 billion times in the first few months of my engagement.  If people ask about the WP, just say you haven't made the decision yet.  Once you've started booking your venues and are committed to the date and style of your wedding, then you can start assessing attendants.

If you still want everyone up there, then go for it.  (And the girls who are closer to him can absolutely stand on his side, mixed-gender bridal parties are becoming quiet common.)  It's probably easier with that many to give them some basic dress guidelines and let them find their own rather than come up with one that works for all of them, and you can maybe double up the processional so that it goes a little faster.  The more people are involved, the more flexible you have to be to keep everyone happy.