Vague Budget Answer

eshaufle

So I asked each BM separately about their budget for a dress.  The general answer I got was "I don't care.  I trust your judgment."  I tried to probe further to get a better response or at least an idea of what an upper limit might be but they just said they don't care.

I can't really say too much about this though in the negative because it's exactly the same response I've ever given to a bride when asked a budget for a BM dress lol.  I realize now that's it kind of a confusing answer and not really helpful on the receiving end.

Do I do what they say and use my judgment?  I think of myself pretty reasonable when it comes to this stuff and I guess I would use how much I've spent on BM dresses in the past to kind of gauge this...but it would've helped to have any sort of more clearly stated answer, you know?

bablingbrooke

Something similar happened to me.  One BM said $200 and when the others said, "I'd wear a potato sack if you asked me to, I really don't care" I said, "Well, is under $200 okay?" they all said, "Yeah, totally" and we ended up choosing a dress for $150.  

Like PPs said, I would wait until you're fairly close to dress shopping to ask.  It's fine to browse styles you want since it's highly unlikely you'll find a style that only sells for $300+ or that you can't get as a cheap knockoff.  But peoples' financial situations can change.  Had you asked me to give you my BM dress budget in May, $200 would have been out of the question for me (we had just completed a very expensive cross-country move), but if you asked me today $200 would be no problem.  Asking around the time they'd actually have to pay will give you (and them) the best idea of what price range you're looking for.  

eshaufle

Yeah, I'm just looking now...not seriously shopping or anything or intending to order any time soon.  I just wanted a rough idea from them so that when I have free time to look I'm not looking at things that end up being outside of a budget. 

I tried dropping specific price points to them like mentioned above but that didn't get anything out of them either lol.  Oh well, I'll check with them again when it gets closer but I don't think they were being vague because they thought it wasn't time to order dresses yet.  Some have even asked about ordering them already and I'm like "errr I haven't even looked at any yet..."  So I guess I should prepare myself for the same answer in a few months haha (hopefully not).

eshaufle

No, they had been asking me about dress shopping already, which I was totally unprepared for because it hadn't even occured to me yet.  That's why I asked their budget and wouldn't think any vague-ness would be a result of them thinking it's too early since it certainly wasn't my idea lol.

Sorry if that was mis-worded.  Haha, if they were being vague because they thought it was early I'd be like what the heck...why are you asking me about ordering dresses then? 

eshaufle

They're all kind of over-achievers/people who plan things WAY in advance (to my annoyance sometimes lol) though so I guess it doesn't surprise me that they're like months ahead of normal timing. 

eshaufle

Haha, ok timing totally aside...we're getting away from what my real question is which is:  What do you do if your bridesmaids never give you a clear budget and just say they don't care?  Do you really just go ahead and trust your reasonableness?  Let's talk about this hypothetically if it helps.

saisongbird

I would say to do two things:  First, since they're not giving you answers, find some dresses you like, but don't show them to the girls yet.  Find something around $150, around $200, $250, etc, that you like.  Don't get married to the idea of any one of them - just browse, since you want to get ideas.  Pin the pictures aside somewhere (as a bookmark on your computer or in a binder) and let them sit.  Second, after the new year, when it's realistic to start looking at dresses, then ask the questions again.  See if their answers have changed.  Drop the price points again.  And then go back to the pictures to see if you even like what you liked before.  And then go dress shopping.

bablingbrooke

I personally would err on the side of lowballing it and aim for about $150 (not including alterations) when looking at styles.  In my experience you can find BM dresses in just about any style, color, and length for $150 or less if you can live without a "label." 

I also think what I did worked out pretty well: Go with the number one BM gave me and searched for $200 or less and found a dress for $150 (I also negotiated a 15% discount for them since I bought my wedding dress at the same shop.  You obviously know your friends better that I do, would they react well to an email saying something along the lines of, "I started looking and most dresses out there are in the $X-$Y range.  Is that workable?  If not let me know and I'll keep looking."

jenn.daniel

Similar situation here, with BMs asking about dresses 11 months before the wedding (ie pretty much right after I asked them).  My MOH was asking about deciding on a dress a month after that, but I wasn't ready yet!!!  I continued looking for dresses under $100 b/c everyone seemed ok with that, though I didn't get an solid answer from everyone.

Then MOH randomly finds an awesome dress at Target for $40.  I wasn't planning on deciding this early, but at that price, I didn't want to pass it up. Everyone liked it, so now 8 months before the wedding my girls have their dresses!  Keep your eyes open for great deals.  You may find something way under the price you were expecting.

marissa_claire

Odds are they are uncomfortable discussing a budget.  I would do a trial run - choose three dresses you like at different price points (maybe even all somewhat similar) and send an email asking which one they like.  Odds are they won't vote for the expensive ones if they can't afford it.  

aerinpegadrak

Are you set on them all wearing the same dress?  Since I just told my girls to wear something black, it was up to them how much or how little to spend.

But I agree with Brooke: you gave them the opportunity, so now you should just try to keep it as cheap as you can manage.  It might be a good idea to earmark some of your budget to contribute to the cost, for your own peace of mind if nothing else.  If everyone ends up being able to afford the dress just fine, you can put that money toward something else.