help..."dumping the in laws" Long! Sorry!

AUTeach

Took this down...felt wrong to post it. Sorry! and nvm.

bablingbrooke

Wow you need to cut that down or at least summarize.

AUTeach

Haha...you're right! Sorry! But I did warn that it was long....I really neede a good opinion based on all the info!

bablingbrooke

But no one's going to read that novel, so you need to help us help you and summarize it somewhere.  Breaking it up into paragraphs would also be helpful.

Based on the title alone, I'm just going to say that unless your FSIL tried to kill you, you don't have cause to dump her.  It'll cause lots of trouble with your future family and it's not worth it.  

MyNameIsNot

Congratulations.  This may actually be the longest post ever on TK.  

You can't dump your FI's family, not from the wedding and not from your life.  They are his family, and they always will be.  If you make an issue of this, you'll only create a wedge between yourself and your FI.  It doesn't matter who they are or what they've done, they are his family.

If he decides he wants to cut ties with them, that's his decision.  But honestly, this all sounds like a bunch of high school drama.  Annoying, sure.  But it doesn't rise to the level of cutting family out of your life.  Suck it up and deal with it.

MyNameIsNot

CN: MIL, SIL and BIL are a bunch of drama queens.  SIL bought a BM dress that OP doesn't like, and was whiny about the original one.  BIL won't be in the wedding and is causing some drama because his girlfriend isn't allowed to ride in the limo.  They are all talking trash about OP behind her back.  

bablingbrooke

Thanks MNIN!

I think my original advice still goes with a couple caveats:

1.  If FI isn't standing up for you and putting up boundaries, he needs to.  My MIL is an almost stereotypical old world overbearing MIL (constantly feeding us, telling me when I look bad or gain weight, and badgering us to have kids).  I get about 10% of it because DH immediately steps in and puts a stop to it.  He's a lifesaver.  Your FI needs to do the same.

2.  If FSIL wears something ridiculous, so what?  She'll look bad, not you.

3.  Kicking FSIL out of the wedding is only going to hand them another reason to hate you, only this one would be justified.  Why would you want to give them more reason to dislike you?

AUTeach

OK OK!!! haha! both SIL and MIL are crazy LIARS. No one likes them...even their own family who doesn't speak to them.  They are making my life miserable and my FI always says he hates them and doesn't wanna be around them anymore...but I always said "no, they're family." Well, recently, they started with me AGAIN and LIED about it...and it's really causing me a lot of mental turmoil.  I just can't take it and I wanna know if in this situation I can just not talk to them anymore and pretend they don't exist (like they are doing to me).  Unless, of course, (and i forgot to mention this) they call and sincerely apologize for what they've done to me both now and in the past.
There, shorter, better?

banana468

I think the best thing to do here is to tell your FI to handle it.

They sound like drama queens but tell your FI that this is his situation for him to deal with.

bablingbrooke

I wouldn't hold your breath for that apology.  And unfortunately, this behaviour wont' stop after the wedding.  So you need to figure out (WITH your FI) how you're going to manage these people.  But just booting them from the wedding isn't an option.  It's only going to make things worse.

emilyinchile

I honestly tried, but it's just all over the place, I'm sorry.

I did however get that you asked your FSIL, who is in the WP, to drive your FBIL and his girlfriend, who aren't, because you don't want anyone in the WP to have to drive and you want them all in the limo. But your FSIL is in the WP. And the brother isn't. But you invited him in the limo anyway.

Why not explain that there are no dates in the limo, just WP and fmaily, and let the brother and his girlfriend figure out what to do like grown ups?

mbcdefg

Unless you and FI plan to cut your in-laws ENTIRELY from your lives, I would not suggest removing them from the bridal party.

Kicking them out of the bridal party does not teach them a lesson. It will not affect their behavior. It will not make them sorry for how they treated you. Taking away a one-day position that essentially means nothing will just make you and your FI look like pretentious a-holes who take their wedding entirely too seriously.

Either talk it out with the in-laws, boot them from your lives entirely and don't invite them to the wedding at all, or suck it up and deal.