Wedding Party

Vent: sister being very irritating (long)

I just need to vent.  I asked my sister who lives across the country if she would like to be a BM.  She said yes and seemed excited.  Now she is complaining about everything.  First it was about the style of BM dress (she called me a Bridezilla because I picked the style), then about having to have it altered (she wanted to do it herself, I said NO, it is too complicated).  I have paid for her dress and alterations because she doesn't have much money but she is still complaining.  Then she called to ask about hotels.  I told her the hotel where we have reserved a block of rooms.  She doesn't want to stay there, she would rather stay somewhere "more historical".  She got angry when I told her the girl doing our hair and makeup wanted to start at 8 am (she doesn't want to get up that early).  Then she mentioned the wedding to her ex-husbands father and asked him if he was invited.  I hadn't planned on inviting him because I have only met him a few times and am not really close to him (we are trying to keep the wedding small).  Now I feel like I have to invite him.  The final straw was last night when she told me she was stressed from all the planning (trying on a dress, alterations, traveling).  I lost it.  I have been pulling my hair out for the last year and a half planning this wedding and trying to keep everyone else happy.  I told her that if it would be easier for her she didn't have to be a BM.  She is still insisting she wants to be in the party.  I just can't take anymore of her complaining!  Thanks for listening.

Re: Vent: sister being very irritating (long)

  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited February 2010
    Yeah, she sounds like she sucks. Just stop discussing the wedding with her at all. If she has a dress, and it has been altered, then that's the end of what she has to do now. Give her itenerary information all at once when you have it. From what you wrote, I don't think your instructions were too demanding, and she just needs to get a grip.

    And she can stay in whatever hotel she likes, but you are not obligated to get her a discount rate there. You did what you could, and should, for your guests. If she wants to pay more to stay somewhere else, that's her perrogative.

    As far as her ex-FIL, SHE can tell him he's not invited. That was rude of her to mention it to him. I really don't think he would expect an invitation to his ex-DIL's sister's wedding. That's stretching it a bit. Don't send him one.
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  • - Let her get the dress altered where she wants or alter it herself. If she messes it up, that's her problem, and she'll have to fix it. But it sounds like it's an issue that won't hurt you to give in on, and it'll make her happy.

    - She can stay wherever she wants. You aren't obligated to block rooms at another hotel, but she doesn't have to stay where you've blocked rooms. This is a non-issue.

    - You don't need to invite the ex-FIL. Just because she mentioned something doesn't mean she speaks for you/your guest list.

    - She can deal with an 8am wake-up call. If not everyone's starting at 8, let her be the last to go, but otherwise that's actually the one day that you get to ask BMs to do things on your schedule.

    - Apologize for implying you didn't want her to be a BM. I'm sure it was frustrating to hear her say that, but it doesn't excuse what you said to her. Just laugh to yourself, knowing that her "stress" doesn't compare to yours, vent on here if you need to, and let it go.
  • Your sister sounds like my sister.  Total PITA, I feel your pain.

    For your own sanity, let all this stuff go, apologize for losing your temper (I know, I know, but you have to for your own sanity) and tell her you'd love it if she'd still be in the wedding.  She will still irritate you.  Let it go.  Keep your eye on the ball here: your FI is marrying you and everything else is just background noise.
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  • First it was about the style of BM dress (she called me a Bridezilla because I picked the style)

    If she got no input on the style, then she really does have the right to complain. But since you said you ended up paying for it, she should shut her mouth.

    then about having to have it altered (she wanted to do it herself, I said NO, it is too complicated).  I have paid for her dress and alterations because she doesn't have much money but she is still complaining. 

    Ditto above. If she was paying for alterations, then she could get them done wherever she wanted, or do it on her own (and if she looks crappy, it's her own fault). But since you're paying, she loses her input.

    Then she called to ask about hotels.  I told her the hotel where we have reserved a block of rooms.  She doesn't want to stay there, she would rather stay somewhere "more historical". 

    If she's paying for her own hotel room, then she can stay where she wants. If YOU are paying for it, just say, "Since I'm paying, this is the hotel I picked. You're more than welcome to pick another place to stay, but that's on your dime, not mine."

    She got angry when I told her the girl doing our hair and makeup wanted to start at 8 am (she doesn't want to get up that early). 

    Tell her, "This is the time that the stylist has to come in order for all of us to be ready on time. If you want to go to another stylist or do your own hair and makeup, feel free, but you need to be back at our hotel room by X o'clock for photos." (And I would tell her to be there 30-60 minutes before you actually need her there, because she sounds like the type who'd be late.)

    Then she mentioned the wedding to her ex-husbands father and asked him if he was invited.  I hadn't planned on inviting him because I have only met him a few times and am not really close to him (we are trying to keep the wedding small).  Now I feel like I have to invite him. 

    You don't have to invite him. If she mentioned it to him and got his hopes up for an invite, that is not your problem. Say nothing to him, don't send an invite and don't bring it up with him. If he calls you to complain, just say, "I'm sorry, but Sis spoke out of turn. We unfortunately can't accommodate everyone that we wish we could." Then politely end the conversation.

    The final straw was last night when she told me she was stressed from all the planning (trying on a dress, alterations, traveling).  I lost it.  I have been pulling my hair out for the last year and a half planning this wedding and trying to keep everyone else happy.  I told her that if it would be easier for her she didn't have to be a BM.  She is still insisting she wants to be in the party.  I just can't take anymore of her complaining! 

    I'll bet she just wants attention. I would just ignore her as best you can. If you find that you're getting frustrated with her, change the subject or politely walk away or hang up the phone. If you're getting e-mails or texts, don't answer them. Hopefully, if she stops getting a rise out of you, she'll cut the crap.
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  • Don't worry about your sister. You don't have to invite the ex-FIL. If you are paying for the dress and alterations then she has no reason to complain. I've had ugly dresses that I did have to pay for and I didn't complain. If she doesn't want to get up quite as early maybe you could fit her into the hair rotation last so that she wouldn't be getting her hair done until 9ish???  Like mbc said...i think she may just want attention too.

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  • Thanks for all the support.  I never told her I didn't want her in the party.  I just told her that if it was too stressful I would understand.  As for the hotel, I offered her a room in the block because it is discounted.  I told her she is free to stay wherever she wants.  I won't let this get between us as sisters, I just needed to vent.  Thanks!!!

  • This sounds fmailiar. Maybe everyone is so busy talking about your wedding; that she is "forgotten" about. I think the bride has the right to choose the BM dresses. I am certainly choosing mine because I have a particular style (long and elegant); but my sister chose purple because it is a great color on her! I feel that it is the bride and groom's day. Getting up early to get your hair and make up done is a nice luxury so everyone will look great for the photos! Just tell your sis what the deal is and that as your sister, you hope she will be a bridesmaid; but if not- to let you know.
    My fsil's best friend announced their wedding date the other day and it is the same day as ours. Hmm, we were then told that we weren't sure about the date (it has been set for over 2 months already). Nope, not changing it. FI said, "I guess you have to make a decision then." I realize we do not own the date or anything; but it seems like it was set after we said when ours was...
    TOO MUCH DRAMA!!!
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