Wedding Party

Let's talk allergies...

You ladies are smart. I'm reaching my wit's end with my FSIL and I want your input on whether I'm being a total B or if I'm right in being completely aggravated. This is probably not going to be light reading, so bear with me.

FSIL has an allergy to cats. Not anaphylactic, but pretty severe (hives at times). She decided to start getting immunotherapy allergy shots, basically harrassing your immune system (from what I've read) to get it to become more tolerant of the allergens.

Now she has always had a sensitivity to onions. It runs in their family. Runs in my family too, so I'm sympathetic. She starts to claim the allergy shots are making her more sensitive to onions. Makes sense, I suppose. She goes so far as to say that onions can absolutely NOT touch her food, or she'll be worshipping the porcelain God for a few days. Okay that's fine too.

But then it starts happening with dairy. Then peanuts, Then salmon. Then corn. Etc. I'm thinking, "Shouldn't you STOP the shots if you're suddenly unable to, you know, eat?" But she doesn't. She keeps going.

Now here's where it gets interesting.

She's CONVINCED that "cheese proteins" (her words, not mine) can migrate from someone else's plate at a restaurant and get into her food. She seriously believes that the solid food that she's not ingesting is leaving it's essence on her food and making her sick. Does she continue to go to restaurtants? Of course she does, and makes a scene pretty much every time or takes about 30 minutes to order. I tolerated this when this first started happening, thinking it was an adjustment period. But it still continues, and this is almost 2 years later. Even when SHE picks the restaurant days in advance, it takes her a million years to order when we get there. You'd think she'd look at the menu or something. She also says "I'm allergic to _____" but she doesn't have allergy symptoms, just GI stuff.

Here's the BEST part. She makes cheesecakes for her husband. With real cream cheese. Then she tells everyone not to bring any dairy over to dinner parties she throws cause then she'll have to "bleach the kitchen". But she HANDLES THE CREAM CHEESE. I don't understand. I really don't.

I am quickly losing my patience. She makes every get together that involved food (read: all of them) about her and her "allergies". If she was consistent with her problems, I think I would be fine. I had a good friend with Krohn's disease where dairy would literally kill her because it could eat a hole in her stomach and make her septic. I totally get having issues. But she was still going to restaurants and being pleasant and prepared for what she knew she had to deal wth.

But FSIL is somehow unable to cope with her "allergies". She is always making a fuss over something and dinners that are held in someone else's honor always end being about her and what she can't eat, how "proteins" are getting into her food from someone else's plate, and her basically being a real pain to be around the entire time.

Now, I ask you. Is this real? Could this possibly be a legit problem, or is she just throwing a hissy fit for attention? I'm not a doctor, but I've talked to a couple pharmacists and nurses that are friends of mine and they all think this is baloney. Any medical types out there?

EDIT: And when I say "migrate" I mean, without touching. The proteins literally levitate through the air and get into her food. This is what she believes.
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Re: Let's talk allergies...

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:700b1369-5059-477d-944f-1fa37a13811d">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sounds like she's got a GI problem that isn't related to her allergies, or at least that's what I'm getting.  I've done those shots and while yes it does often make people A LOT more sensitive, I haven't personally heard of too many cases where it creates NEW allergies so severe that they can't be in the same room as a dairy product. Now, obviously I'm not a doctor or anything, and am only going off of my experience and my friends' experiences, but yeah, this sounds pretty drama queen to me.  Not sure what you can do about it, but there ya go.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Not a whole heck of a lot, I'll admit. I told FI that he can either say something to her himself (her whole family buys into this BS, including her RN mom which just boggles my mind, but they basically dance to her tunes all the time so it's nothing new) or when I'm no longer the FI but the SIL, she can expect an earful from me the next time she makes a scene around food for no good reason.
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  • I'm also not a real-life medical type, but I'm inclined to think that she's crazy.  As far as I'm aware, allergies don't usually come with GI symptoms, that's intolerance.  I know that people with severe enough allergies to things like peanuts or onions can have reactions just in proximity to the food, but that doesn't happen with intolerances.

    How does her husband react to her issues?  Does he play along, or is he on your side in this?  It honestly sounds like her actual, and likely somewhat serious issue, is psychological, like Munschausen's or a form of OCD or something.  Hell, maybe it's even a side effect of the shot she's getting.  If her husband is in agreement with you, he might start by taking her to a different doctor than the one she's been seeing to run an allergy panel to see what she's actually dealing with.  And then maybe get her to a therapist as well...

    But again, I speak from a position of having no actual medical training.  Both of my sisters are nurses, though, so I could pass the info along to them and see what they make of it.

    I definitely sympathize, though.  The wife of one of DH's former friends claimed to be fatally allergic to any form of MSG, but boy did she love her tomatoes.  She did not take kindly to DH pointing out that tomatoes are naturally rich in MSG, and that's part of why the friend is former.  And MIL is a horrible hypochondriac.  Whenever a doctor tells her that she doesn't really have a problem with her legs and doesn't need the wheelchair, she gets a new doctor.  Seriously.
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  • Her husband pretty much plays along, but it's kind of embarrassing for him. We all went out for dinner after my recital and she pulled a similar stunt (this time she got up and went to the bathroom for like 15 minutes before he finally went to go get her). Before she left, she sat there at the table, pouting, refusing to speak with anyone. Then she disappeared (so of course we're waiting to order and my parents are getting increasinly mad) and he went to go find her. He came back and looked so ashamed and said, "We're going to have to leave. I'm really, REALLY sorry." She didn't even come back herself to say she wasnt' feeling well. And her mom kept making all these excuses for her, which to me, just shows that she know sher daughter is being ridiculous and just doesn't want to do anything about it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:521c5dab-738c-4353-beb9-640b6a1f3629">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Honestly, I'd avoid the scene regardless of pre or post wedding.  Nothing good will come of it, especially if the rest of the family is with her on it.  Plus giving your FI a threatening ultimatum like that just seems mean.  It's not HIS fault after all.</strong> What about tactfully suggesting that this sounds like a much bigger problem and that she should see the doctor about it?  That way, you are kind of playing up her issues (which gives her more attention) and still making a valid suggestion. My mom's had horrible GI problems for about 3 years now, and until it was properly diagnosed, they really did hit anytime anywhere, so she was also making some pretty odd conclusions about what was causing the flair ups (though no levitating cheese molecules, I must say).  Once it was diagnosed and they figured out what the triggers actually were, eating out with her has gotten MUCH easier to deal with. Once again, I don't KNOW that your SIL is having the same problem, but whatever it is, it's bigger than normal side effects of allergy shots, and she really SHOULD consult a physician.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    You're right. I'll apologize to him when he gets here tonight. And I really do think it's a completely different problem, but I want to avoid saying anything about seeing a specialist or something until I'm actually a member of the family, KWIM?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:14a982cd-63c7-4038-8651-520add56ce96">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's talk allergies... : Actually, my allergy to Penicillin is bad enough that if I handle it (even without ingesting it at all) I get wicked diarrhea and vomiting for 24 hours in addition to the hives and swelling.  This also happens if I eat blue cheese (though not if the blue cheese is at the same table).
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
    Interesting!  I didn't know that could happen.  As I said, not a medical professional, just a fairly well-read English major.  :)
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  • My mother has a ton of issues with wheat, dairy, citrus and eggs. Your FSIL could legitimately have these allergies, it's quite clear that she's NOT handling it well- at all. She'd have to be tested to know for sure and how severe they are. I don't blame you for dismissing it considering how she's handling it.

    I know my mom hates not being able to have certain things, but she works around it and is used to doing so. She doesn't make a big deal about it, but will mention it when necessary.
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  • That would drive me nuts.  I don't know how anyone handles it.

    FI has a dietary restrictions, but he's always trying to keep it on the DL and not put people out.  I work really hard to make sure that he's accommodated, but he never puts them on other people.

    [QUOTE]But you don't get to handle cream cheese to make a cheesecake and then claim my cheeseburger is poisoning the food that is  5 feet away from my plate. [/QUOTE]
    Not gonna lie, I'd pick cheese over most people.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:de883ecd-2cee-4b06-b64b-6ebec23a35fb">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]That would drive me nuts.  I don't know how anyone handles it. FI has a dietary restrictions, but he's always trying to keep it on the DL and not put people out.  I work really hard to make sure that he's accommodated, but he never puts them on other people. <strong>Not gonna lie, I'd pick cheese over most people.</strong>
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]
    DH and I have both been having some mild GI issues, and he thinks it might be lactose intolerance, because from his reading, everyone develops LI to some degree as they get older.  (Don't know if that's true or not.)  I don't care if it does mean spending an increasingly high proportion of my time on the john, I am not giving up cheese.  It's too amazing.
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  • I'm LI.  For some reason cheese never sets me off, even though pretty much everything else does.  Even if it did, I still wouldn't give it up.  I'm hard-pressed to find something I love more - and this includes chocolate and ice cream!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:cf41f80d-28ff-48ff-8ddd-6516eee51183">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm LI.  For some reason cheese never sets me off, even though pretty much everything else does.  Even if it did, I still wouldn't give it up.  I'm hard-pressed to find something I love more - and this includes chocolate and ice cream!
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]
    I think the only thing I love more than cheese is bacon.  We'll buy the good bacon when it's on sale even if we don't need it for anything in particular, because we know we'll use it.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Mmm bacon!  I think I'd still take bacon only because I've had bacon that was really crappy - cut too thinly or over/under-cooked and it just wasn't the hallelujah I was looking for.  But cheese is always good.
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  • I'll confess to being a bit of a bacon snob.  We go for the Oscar Meyer center-cut thick-sliced bacon.  Vons had it 2-for-1 today, so we picked up two even though we had no immediate plans for bacon.  We'll find a way, dammit.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • I'm mildly lactose intolerant. Lacotse in general is just really hard on your stomach, so it's a pretty common problem. I still will eat cheese though.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:4f145bd9-2b90-4c73-a140-9493bfb8bcaf">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll confess to being a bit of a bacon snob.  We go for the Oscar Meyer center-cut thick-sliced bacon.  Vons had it 2-for-1 today, so we picked up two even though we had no immediate plans for bacon.  We'll find a way, dammit.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    BLTs!!!
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  • This thread is making me hungry...
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  • I don't think it's allergies.  I have a strange sensitivity to mayonnaise that if I even taste it and then spit it out, I'm sick and in the bathroom for the next 12 hours.  The only real allergy I know of that can waft over to someone is a peanut allergy.  I worked with a woman around whom I couldn't even open a Resse's Peanut Butter Cup package.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:7e080a80-eb0e-41e7-b8f7-7588dc4ae6f4">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's talk allergies... : DH and I have both been having some mild GI issues, and he thinks it might be lactose intolerance, because from his reading, <strong>everyone develops LI to some degree as they get older.  (Don't know if that's true or not.) </strong> I don't care if it does mean spending an increasingly high proportion of my time on the john, I am not giving up cheese.  It's too amazing.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    I've also heard this, and I don't know if it's true either.  Regardless, I'm never giving up cheese either.

    It sounds like it's mostly in her head.  Why doesn't she get tested for these "allergies"?!?  Since she's getting shots, she must be seeing an allergist.  For food I think this is usually done my an elimination diet.  If it really is something in the air, I would think the prick tests would show this.  Right?

    As far as the cream cheese issue, one of my BMs is only allergic/intolerant to certain dairy products (anything from cow's milk, goat's milk is ok). 
  • It is possible that she has developed a food allergy to one thing, but because she doesn't actually know what that one thing is, she thinks EVERYTHING is making her sick. I developed celiac disease at the age of 22. My doctors took forever to diagnose it, so I was eliminating things like fruit, dairy, etc. thinking that those were the problem (I had never heard of celiac before). Anything I put in my mouth went right through me, water included after a while because my stomach was so destroyed. I actually ended up hospitalized because I couldn't keep any food in my body, and lost 35 pounds in six weeks. My point though, is that she could have a legitimate food issue unrelated to the allergy shots, but she obviously is a little nutso too, which isn't helping the diagnosis. It could be exacerbated by the allergy shots-- my doctors believe my celiac is a product of my arthritis, and I also developed anemia. I don't see why something that is aggravating her immune system, like those shots, couldn't do the same.

    In order to get a correct diagnosis, she needs to cut the shots and go for the tests. Being wacky and making everyone around her miserable is not going to help anyone. My fiance has PKU (he can't have protein-- yes, protein)-- if the two of us can go out to dinner without a scene, I am sure she can manage.

    Good luck with that ;-)
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  • PS -- If protein could "fly", my fiance would be dead. She's crazy.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:4f145bd9-2b90-4c73-a140-9493bfb8bcaf">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll confess to being a bit of a bacon snob.  We go for the Oscar Meyer center-cut thick-sliced bacon.  Vons had it 2-for-1 today, so we picked up two even though we had no immediate plans for bacon.  We'll find a way, dammit.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
    Ditto the rec for BLTs... but with a little bit of pesto!  We probably have BLTs with pesto on a weekly basis.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:587501d9-2ac5-4144-ac92-2b0533d6f03f">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Let's talk allergies... : I also want to know what allergist allows their patient to continue these shots knowing that she's developing all these issues because of it. She doesn't even want a cat, so it's not like the shots are exactly necessary. If it's truly an "allergy" wouldn't they take her off the shots with the thought process of not wanting to develop a crap ton more allergies just to get rid of one? I also would totally think this was legitimate if it was a consistent problem. But you don't get to handle cream cheese to make a cheesecake and then claim my cheeseburger is poisoning the food that is  5 feet away from my plate.
    Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

    I know sometimes with allergy shots and stuff, other allergies CAN get worse for a little while (the whole sometimes it gets worse before it gets better mantra), but then they go back to normal. As long as she's doing it under doctor's supervision she should be ok.

    I do agree with your assessment of her supposed dairy intolerance, if it's as severe as she says it is- she wouldn't be able to handle cream cheese, let alone the cheese on someone else's burger.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_lets-talk-allergies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b27053-25e6-4471-929a-adf8f05fe176Post:c3378e80-5f29-4b2e-b5d2-1dec5fe0d41e">Re: Let's talk allergies...</a>:
    [QUOTE]PS -- If protein could "fly", my fiance would be dead. She's crazy.
    Posted by bdulli13[/QUOTE]

    Lol. I think that's my biggest problem with her issues. My best friend and I have a regular laugh over the flying protein. And I've heard of PKU and celliacs. I commend you guys for still being able to eat in restaurants.

    I definitely think there's a legitimate problem here, but I'm loth to give any sympathy when you're clearly only interested in using it to cause problems.

    Jenn, I know there are certain kinds of dairy that doesn't both some LI sufferers, but she insists that any and all lactose is like "poison to her". So I guess if she hadn't said that already, I wouldn't care so much about the cheesecake making.

    Obviously there's some kind of problem, be it mental or physical, but I guess my next question would be, how would you approach this? I don't want to corner her husband and ask (I would be very offended if I was her and someone did that to me). I guess I could do the PP suggestion and say, "That seems a lot more serious than usual...maybe you should see a GI specialist?" if it comes up again. Beyond that, I'm not really sure.
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  • I would be hesitant to make that comment to her, only because indicating to her that you think her condition may be serious will probably give her more fuel for the fire, and she may take it even further. The fact that everyone still goes out with her for meals and puts up with it is antagonizing her, unfortunately. It's like giving an actor a stage and an audience. I know that realistically you can't skip all meals together, since most are family functions, but maybe it's a case of waiting it out (since your wedding is soon) and then just saying to her, "Look. I am concerned that with all these things you can't eat, your body may not be getting the nutrients you need. Why don't you see a GI who can help you pinpoint the problem and find a solution?" It gives you a caring tone while not exactly admitting that you think she is full of crap, or giving her a reason to up the theatrics. Offer to go with her if she is nervous, or to help her reasearch doctors.

    Also, it could be something as simple as IBS, which is a VERY common problem in young women. That could easily make her think that food is doing it, since it could be happening so often. Her nervous and anxious tendencies make me think this could be a strong contender-- she gets herself so worked up about all these "things" that are making her sick, she gets major stomach issues.

    I do think that if she is having so many GI problems, she needs to see someone, and that she genuinely does have a medical issue. I also know how embarrassing that is, because it took a trip to the hospital for me to admit that I might have some kind of issue. But they are generally easily fixed, without cutting out every kind of food under the sun. If it goes untreated, it could cause serious long term damage to her insides (but God, don't tell her that, LOL).
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  • This reminds me to the post-doc in the lab next to ours.  She was convinced there were proteins from our lab getting into her reactions.  The kicker: we didn't even do anything with proteins. 
  • Bdulli - I was also diagnosed with Celiac Disease at age 22.  It was such a horrible time trying to find out what was wrong with me!  I stopped telling people how sick I was and only my aunt knew, which was because I lived with her.  My fiance (boyfriend at the time) was very supportive but I thought he was beginning to think it was more in my head than anything - which was very hard.  I would refrain from eating at college beccause I would get so sick afterward.  I would eat and need to strip down to my bra and underwear, crawl in a ball and sleep until I woke up again.  No time limit could work with my naps and they usually ended up being almost 4 hours at a time and I NEEDED them every day.  I would then sleep an entire night and still feel so fatigued and ridiculously foggy.  I also ended up in the hospital and had 4 peptic ulcers, Barrett's esophagus (lining of the stomach started to work its way up my esophagus and damage the tissue), had pancreatitis, a disgusting amount of bile removed, endometriosis, my gallbladder was deformed and had to be removed, etc.  It was a nightmare but now that I know, my life is amazing!  We eat so much healthier than most people we know and my fiance is absolutely amazing to me!  He eats whatever I can eat and my dietary needs are very important to him.  His friends know of my condition before I even meet them because he tells them as soon as we are invited over.  I will end up with a phone call asking what they can serve me, etc.  We have great friends.

    So, in repsonse to the first post, is your SIL probably overreacting or is there possibly more than meets the eye, I think so.  It's hard though because you begin to question everything you put in your body and know you feel so awful after you eat but don't understand why.  There are still things I am learning my body doesn't like.  Phenalyline (pretty sure I spelled that wrong) and modified food starch is absolutely horrible on my body.  I do feel for you though because you are in a very hard spot.  Your MILs behavior is very strange.  My sister is an RN and she was the complete opposite.  She thought I was crazy and acting like I was insane, when in reality, something was wrong. 

    I think there might be something wrong with her but she doesn't know what and it is just consuming her life and everyone else's life, which is a shame.  I hope she figures it out - which will definitely save you a lot of grief!
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