Question to older, married sisters of brides

kit732

Hello sisters of brides everywhere!

I was my sister's MOH (we're 20 yrs. apart), but for my nuptials, I've decided to ask a few friends my age to be MOH/BMs.  My sister is married and is very busy, while my friends are unmarried and, I think, would be less burdened (timewise) by my wedding.  My sister will read at my wedding and is looking forward to planning a shower.  

I think my sister is probably sick of the matching dresses by now!  Thoughts?

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-to-older-married-sisters-of-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b619a0-11d5-41ee-be0d-bfbf961138dfPost:0a2a08e2-3998-4780-a24b-7b3a518c7a8f">Question to older, married sisters of brides</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello sisters of brides everywhere! I was my sister's MOH (we're 20 yrs. apart), but for my nuptials, I've decided to ask a few friends my age to be MOH/BMs.  My sister is married and is very busy, while my friends are unmarried and, I think, would be less burdened (timewise) by my wedding.  My sister will read at my wedding and is looking forward to planning a shower.   I think my sister is probably sick of the matching dresses by now!  Thoughts?
Posted by kit732[/QUOTE]

I have no idea if your sister is sick of matching dresses.

In any event, you should ask your nearest and dearest to stand up with you, not those who can devote their spare time to your wedding, which isn't even a requirement for a bridal party member.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-to-older-married-sisters-of-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b619a0-11d5-41ee-be0d-bfbf961138dfPost:0a2a08e2-3998-4780-a24b-7b3a518c7a8f">Question to older, married sisters of brides</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello sisters of brides everywhere! I was my sister's MOH (we're 20 yrs. apart), but for my nuptials, I've decided to ask a few friends my age to be MOH/BMs.  My sister is married and is very busy, while my friends are unmarried and, I think, would be less burdened (timewise) by my wedding.  My sister will read at my wedding and is looking forward to planning a shower.   I think my sister is probably sick of the matching dresses by now!  Thoughts?
Posted by kit732[/QUOTE]

Thoughts on what?  Do you just want to make sure that you chose correctly in not having her as a BM?  If everyone's happy with the situation, then fine, though personally I think that choosing others because they're closer to your age and have more time to devote to you (which isn't to say that they will, because there not required to do so) is kind of cold.  Surely she could have decided on her own if she was interested if you had actually wanted her.

kit732

Whoa whoa whoa -- just to be clear -- my sister is one of my closest friends and, no, I don't expect the BMs/MOH to do anything for me -- this wedding is going to be small and should just be a lot of fun (no stress, no pre-wedding obligations, no dresses even close to $100). 

I just wanted to know if older, married sisters are tired of being in wedding parties?  Are you?  Are you not? 

msuprincess04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_question-to-older-married-sisters-of-brides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:17b619a0-11d5-41ee-be0d-bfbf961138dfPost:7bab9891-cc6e-4cc5-a9ba-c08f73046785">Re: Question to older, married sisters of brides</a>:
[QUOTE]my sister is one of my closest friends Posted by kit732[/QUOTE]

You answered your own question there. Ask her. And if she's sick of matching dresses she can politely decline and still do a great reading and spend the day with you.

aerinpegadrak

An invitation to be a BM is not a subpoena.  The decision of whether or not she's sick of BM stuff is for her to make, not you.  Again, it sounds like you're just seeking validation of a decision you've already made.  If you were really trying to get some insight on whether she'd like being asked, you would have sought it before you asked her to do a reading instead.

kit732

Thanks for the advice.  Sounds like y'all aren't "tired" of being in weddings!  I haven't asked her to read yet, actually, but will probably ask her to read even if she accepts the MOH offer. 

mbcdefg

In Response to Re:Question to older, married sisters of brides:[QUOTE]Whoa whoa whoa just to be clear my sister is one of my closest friends and, no, I don't expect the BMs/MOH to do anything for me this wedding is going to be small and should just be a lot of fun no stress, no prewedding obligations, no dresses even close to 100.nbsp;I just wanted to know if older, married sisters are tired of being in wedding parties? nbsp;Are you? nbsp;Are you not?nbsp; Posted by kit732[/QUOTE]

There's absolutely no way to answer this. Everyone is different and everyone has different experiences. It's unfair to base your decision on a broad generalization.

Don't use, "Most older sisters are tired of it so I won't ask her" as your excuse. It's not at all fair of you to decide on your sister's behalf what she does or doesn't feel like doing.

If you're not close, then that's the only reason you need not to ask her.

If you ARE somewhat close and you'd enjoy having her as a bridesmaid, then ask her and let HER make the decision. An invitation is not a subpoena ... she has the freedom to say no. Just because you ask doesn't automatically mean that a person wants to accept.

For what it's worth ... I'm four years older than my sister and six years older than my brother. I'd be really hurt if I wasn't asked to be in their weddings, especially over a b.s. excuse like being "too old."

jemmini6

So let me get this straight...your sister is one of your closest friends, but since she's 20 years older than you and 'might' be tired of matching dresses, you are going to exclude her from one of the most important days in your life? 

Your wedding party should be those nearest and dearest to you, not those who can do the most work, not those that are your age, not those that haven't been in any weddings before, but the ones you love.

If she isn't up for it, she'll tell you, but to basically say "I love you, but you're too old for this shiiit now, so you can't be a BM" is pretty rude.

Andplusalso, you don't have to have matching dresses.  In fact, having non-matching dresses is more popular these days than having matching dresses.  So that's a flimsy excuse...

Ali092011

Just wanted to add that I could be a bridesmaid/MOH five hundred times, and standing up in my own sister's wedding would still be special and mean the world to me. Presumably, each bride she joined the WP for was also close to her, and therefore each experience was special.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to Re:Question to older, married sisters of brides:[QUOTE]Whoa whoa whoa just to be clear my sister is one of my closest friends and, no, I don't expect the BMs/MOH to do anything for me this wedding is going to be small and should just be a lot of fun no stress, no prewedding obligations, no dresses even close to 100.nbsp;I just wanted to know if older, married sisters are tired of being in wedding parties? nbsp;Are you? nbsp;Are you not?nbsp; Posted by kit732[/QUOTE]

You are completely missing the point of what people are trying to say to you. It makes absolutely no difference in your situation what the "older, married sisters" on this message board think about being a bridesmaid. Even if 37 women respond and all say "yes, I hate being a bridesmaid," that is no guarantee that YOUR sister will be relieved instead of hurt at being left out. Since she is "one of your closest friends" anyway, just ask your sister how she feels about it.

My younger brother and I are so close that he is my MOH, and I can tell you now that I would be hurt if the only reason he left me out of his wedding party without even asking me how I felt about it was because a bunch of internet strangers told him to.