Help..

bnelson79

I've been engaged for about 2 months now, and I've been planning since then.
I've been in a alot  of weddings myself as a bridesmaid and MOH, I'm the last to get married of my friends ( I'm 32 going on 33 -in July ) Most of my friends got married before they turned 30 and have been married from anywhere to a year up to 3 years now. My fiance is only asking 4 of his friends to be in his party, which is great so I've decided to have four of my friends, granted I've been in alot of weddings.

I've asked two of my good friends, friends I've known longer like anywhere from 5 to 15 years and they both said  "no", now I know its up to them to decided whether they want to be a bridesmaid, but at the same time I feel disrespected. I was part of there big day, went to meet vendors, went to all bridal shows, dress shopping etc and I really thought that they'd be there for me to stand by me  on my big day. I'm really upset and I've been crying since I asked them which was last weekend.

What do I do now? Who else do I ask?? Should I ask anyone else?? Help!!  

I wrote the above before, but it must have gotten deleted, I read all the advice everyone gave me and have talked about it with my fiance and we decided to do away with the WP, but he has already asked his friends to be groomsmen, what do we tell them or do we make them ushers?

JaxInBlue

I read your original post but didn't comment.  You (meaning you and your FI, though more him) can't really unasked the groomsmen if they've already agreed.  You can ask them to also serve as ushers, though, and not add additional people to the wedding party.  (DH and I did this as we didn't want a huge bridal party.)  

During the ceremony, you don't have to have the groomsmen stand up.  They could remain seated in the first row, maybe second, of your venue. (Still a place of honor, but somewhat less in the spotlight.)  They could either take their seats after escorting in VIP guests (moms, grandmas) or they would walk in as a group after the last guest is seated but before any VIPs process in or you enter.

Or you could ask them to stand flanking both of you, two on each side, or stand together behind both of you.  There are a lot of options to arrange or seat people so that you can continue to include the groomsmen (you could probably even call them Honor Attendants or something less groom-specific).

vicki0508

Why aren't you going to ask your remaining two friends to be BMs?  It's perfectly fine to have 2 BMs and 4 GM.  

aerinpegadrak

When our budget fell through and we had to start our planning over from scratch, we strongly considered just going to the JOP and calling it a day.  What stopped us was the attendants we'd already asked.  Yes, they probably would have understood that it was nothing personal, but it still comes across as, "I love you very much and couldn't possibly imagine getting married without you at my side.  Oh wait, I guess I could after all."  Instead, we replanned everything to account for the reduced budget and intact large WP, and I couldn't be happier that we did.

I don't see how seriously hurting the feelings of six people, possibly to the point of damaging the friendship (not everyone will see it as nothing personal), is the best response to getting blown off by two.

mbcdefg

Kep them as groomsmen. It isn't fair to kick them out just because the girls declined.