So, FI fired a groomsman yesterday...

akhensley81

Over the weekend FI was making fun of something his little brother put on his FB page.... and little brother TOTALLY over reacted. He sent a huge nastygram to FI calling him all kinds of things I'd get banned for, if repeated here.

((A little history... these two have razzed each other like this for the 30 years they've known each other.))

I suggested to FI that maybe FB wasn't the best medium for an argument, and maybe there was something more going on.... so he picked up the phone and called little brother. Who continued to chew him out. Apparently the kid barely took a breath.

Suddenly the ass chewing took a hard left turn, and little brother told him, "the next time I come home (he lives 1,000 miles away) I need to talk to you about this marriage and your relationship..."

FI cut him off right there and told him not to worry, because he wasn't coming to the wedding.

Within minutes, FI had a replacement lined up.

Part of me wants to say, "AAAAACK somehow I know I'm going to have to answer for this once his mother finds out!!" .... and the other part of me wants to know WTF he thinks he had to say about our relationship. However, all of me knows this is his issue with his brother and it's not my place to get nosey.

Thank you, FB, for turning us all back in to high schoolers.

SarahPLiz

Well, at least you recognize that your FI made a rash decision that he will probably regret.

duckie1905

Even though the brother drama sounds bad I don't think it was cool to replace him.

Edit: I think that they both need to cool down then your FI needs to call his brother and talk this out.  Their relationship may be full of issues but it sounds like they are at least sort of close to each other.  Your FI kicking him out and replacing him almost immediately may have lasting and horrible reactions in the family.

Besides, your FI has no idea what his brother was going to say.

akhensley81

I told him this is going to come back to bite him but that didn't seem to phase him in the least. He said he's had enough with little brother.

He apparently had the replacement "waiting for the call".... oy.

Huskerfanz

Is he not invited to the wedding at all now? 

CTGirl30

Wow, that's pretty drastic...I'm wondering if your FI is going to regret kicking his brother out of the WP, hasitly replacing him, and basically telling him he's not even invited to the wedding in what was a very heated, emotional argument.  People sometimes say & do  things in the midst of arguments that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do. 

His brother is going to be his brother forever...this is the kind of thing that can cause real rifts in families. 

It doesn't sound like the little brother helped the situation any so if they're both being stubborn and nasty to each other it's going to be tough...at least until they can both cool off and maybe behave like adult men here. But that's between the two of them.  And he can explain to their mother why he did what he did when she asks about it.  

akhensley81

Yeah, last night after I let FI cool down a little bit, I asked him if he was sure he didn't even want little brother invited. His response was, "take him off the list."

(I've still got him on there, for now.)

These two are known for getting on each other's nerves but I never in a million years would have seen it escalating this far - this fast. I also know both of them well enough to know that they hold grudges for a veeeerrrrry long time. 

I kind of want to call little brother's GF (who I'm friends with) and get a read on this, from her perspective. But at the same time, I don't know how involved I should really get.

CTGirl30

Honestly, I'd stay out of this.

britne28

Do you get along with that brother?  Or is he just jealous of the relationship you have with your FI?  We all want our FI to be on our side most of the time but it is a shame your FI didn't count to 10 first.  Well if they reconcile he could always have an uneven side.

akhensley81

I get along with little brother just fine... I've never gotten the sense that he was jealous - or had any sort of problem - with our relationship. And frankly, we see him once a year and talk to him once or twice a month. He lives on the other side of the country. He has completely separated himself from the rest of the family. (That in and of itself is a lot of the problem that FI has with him and how he's behaving.)

I think I'm going to opt to stay out of this. If they kiss and make up... we'll have an extra groomsman. I actually have a junior bridesmaid who will be walking by herself... that way, she'll get a partner. LOL!

MyNameIsNot

Wow.  Mature.

banana468

Kudos to you for staying out of this!

emilyinchile

Oh yes, stay far away from this. It sucks, and it sounds like your FI is being pretty immature, but no good can come from you trying to convince him otherwise. You've got enough time before the wedding that hopefully they'll calm down enough that FBIL is at least invited as a guest. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but it sounds like you're taking the right approach.

And FWIW, I'm kind of curious too as to what this guy has to say about your relationship when it sounds like he barely knows you/your relationship and has never seemed to have a problem with it!

Barakins

I know I'm playing devil's advocate here, but in defense of your FI, there may truly be issues between them that you're unaware of.  For all you know, this isn't the first time that the "little" brother has said something derogatory towards your relationship, or perhaps even to a previous one and your FI just knows how it's going to turn out.

I've been personally dealing with issues with my one of my FI's best friends who is also his business partner, that was almost the BM.  I tried to get along with him for nearly 2 years, but he has a spout of jealousy and power hunger that I just couldn't deal with anymore.  I've been upfront with my FI the entire time about this, but the other day I finally just broke down and told the ******* that he could saw a log and [bleep] himself with it, that I didn't want to be friends with him, and to leave me alone.  I've known it was a long time in coming, but I thought I could at least deal with him through the ceremony....  but it exploded in a flash. 

Essentially, the same thing might've happened with your FI and his little brother.  If he had that guy waiting on the call, then he knew that things were volitile between the two of them, and was hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.

Just my two cents.

britne28

Wonder if little brother has depression and that is why he is withdrawing from the family.

My sister had a horrible time with her BIL when they got engaged.  Jealously came out of nowhere,  her H had to say knock it off.   Her BIL and I both had a hard time when they got engaged because we were older and still single.  However, I recognized my being blue had nothing to do with them being happy.  He didn't get that.