What should I do about this situation?

Sunny0710 · March 2010

Hi Ladies,

I could use some advice here.
I have a friend that I asked to do a reading at my wedding. We were best friends in high school, but drifted over the years as we went to different colleges and post-grad programs. Still, we kept in touch during holidays and saw each other when we could. I thought asking her to do a reading at the ceremony would be a nice way to include her and recognize our friendship.

Because my wedding is a few hours away from where most of my WP lives, I invited all of my BMs to sleep at my parents' house with me on the night of the RD so that they would not have to get a hotel room for both nights. I extended this invitation to this reader as well, which she accepted.

Now I am realizing that maybe this wasn't the best idea, as I am treating the BMs to getting their hair done the next morning for the wedding (if they want it done). I have no problem treating my reader to this as well, but I am worried that she might feel the odd one out partaking in all of this as she is not a bridesmaid (and I think she might have anticipated being one in the beginning).
She might not even want to get her hair done anyway, and probably doesn't want to sit around in a salon for a few hours...

If she doesn't want to come, then she will be at my parents' house by herself (well, with my Dad and brother), and I think this will make her feel even more left out.

I feel like no matter what, I've put her into a situation which might make her feel uncomfortable and I don't know what to do.

All of our other friends (with the exception of the groomsmen) won't be arriving in town until a few hrs. later.

My question is then, what would you want, if you were her? What should I do to make her feel the most included, but not "left out" of the WP?

TIA ladies!

jagore08 · March 2010

Just offer for her to join in with you guys and let her make her own decision. I don't think she'll feel odd girl out.

persphone · March 2010

I would tell her that I realized that she might feel awkward hanging out with the bridesmaids and that you would like to make her as comfortable as possible. Ask what she would like to do... Just make sure that she knows that she is an important part of this day.

mbcdefg · March 2010

I think that pointing out that she might feel awkward will MAKE it feel awkward.

Personally, if I knew I was not as close to an old friend, I would be aware that she has closer friends than me, and I'd be O.K. with it. You invited her to come along ... an invitation is not a subpoena, and she can always decline if she feels weird. If she declines, accept it graciously. If she accepts, just have fun with her and the other girls.

I doubt this would be awkward unless someone goes out of her way to make it so. Relax! Don't fret about something that may not happen at all. Deal with it if/when you come to it.

megk8oz · March 2010

I would extend the offer to her, and let her actually decide for herself if she feels weird about it or not. Don't say "Oh, I know that might be weird for you" in the conversation, because if she hadn't given the "weirdness" a second thought before, she'll probably be thinking about it now.

Just say something like "Oh, FYI, I'm treating all the girls involved in the ceremony to getting their hair done that morning, if you didn't have other plans for your own yet" and let her do what she wants from there.

duckie1905 · March 2010

If she accepted she obviously does not feel that the situation will be awkward. Saying something to her will make it awkward because she'll think you find it awkward.

I'm sure she's not expecting to have her hair done, etc. She knows she's a reader. If she wants to stay then leave it at that and don't bring it up.

LarissaAnn · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-this-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:199111ba-ddc5-4365-8f50-47510cf71a25Post:4f718ad0-7188-44c1-9de0-aad8dddbcdf0">Re: What should I do about this situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that pointing out that she might feel awkward will MAKE it feel awkward. Personally, if I knew I was not as close to an old friend, I would be aware that she has closer friends than me, and I'd be O.K. with it. You invited her to come along ... an invitation is not a subpoena, and she can always decline if she feels weird. If she declines, accept it graciously. If she accepts, just have fun with her and the other girls. I doubt this would be awkward unless someone goes out of her way to make it so. Relax! Don't fret about something that may not happen at all. Deal with it if/when you come to it.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
This is what I was thinking - don't point out potential awkwardness.<div>
</div><div>If she's outgoing enough, she'll have fun just hanging out with you & the BMs at the salon, even if she doesn't want her hair done. If she'd be uncomfortable, it won't be the first time in her life and she'll know how she wants to deal with it. She'll be fine either way.</div>