sticky situation.. help!

barefootedkisses

We have a crappy situation in that I'm not comfortable with the choice of best man. Originally, it was the perfect idea. He's my fiance's best friend, and also happened to be a long-time friend of mine (he was the one who introduced us). But about a month ago we had a huge falling out and haven't talked since. He doesn't even talk to my fiance anymore, unless he's saying something insulting against me. So far, he and my fiance are still best friends, but tensions are there. Anyway, with him not thinking kindly of me anymore, it makes me a bit nervous about having him as the best man. He's suppose to be supportive of the wedding. What if he does something to screw this up? What if he (knowing about the things I'm not comfortable with for the bachelor party) throws a bachelor party he knows I'll be pissed about. Granted, my fiance will try to set limits, and I trust him, but get a bunch of guys drunk together and reality doesn't quite happen.
Do I mention something to my fiance about this? I hate to put him in a tough place. Or do I just hope this blows over?

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sticky-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c011141-bbd0-417a-851d-f3b43f2cf3d4Post:c581c125-0fdf-49e0-9b97-d3f92138ae77">sticky situation.. help!</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a crappy situation in that I'm not comfortable with the choice of best man. Originally, it was the perfect idea. He's my fiance's best friend, and also happened to be a long-time friend of mine (he was the one who introduced us). But about a month ago we had a huge falling out and haven't talked since. He doesn't even talk to my fiance anymore, unless he's saying something insulting against me. So far, he and my fiance are still best friends, but tensions are there. Anyway, with him not thinking kindly of me anymore, it makes me a bit nervous about having him as the best man. He's suppose to be supportive of the wedding. What if he does something to screw this up? What if he (knowing about the things I'm not comfortable with for the bachelor party) throws a bachelor party he knows I'll be pissed about. Granted, my fiance will try to set limits, and I trust him, but get a bunch of guys drunk together and reality doesn't quite happen. Do I mention something to my fiance about this? I hate to put him in a tough place. Or do I just hope this blows over?
Posted by barefootedkisses[/QUOTE]
Let me get this straight...
He insults you and your fiance is still best friends with him.
You don't trust your fiance to go out drinking with his friends.

Have you gone through any premarriage or couples counseling? I think a trained, experienced counselor is really what you need right now. :) Best of luck!

saxy414

I agree with PPs.  If your fiance is still best friends with someone who only talks to him to insult you, you have a fiance problem and not a BM problem. I do think you can address that with FI, tell him that you are not comfortable with how this guy talks about you, and you don't appreciate that your FI does not stand up for you.  Then it's up to your FI to handle it. 

And ditto everyone else on the bachelor party thing. 

bablingbrooke

I think this is a relationship issue more than it is a wedding issue.  It's a relationship issue between your FI and his friend, and also between your FI and you.  

MaryJ1981

I have to agree with the majority of people here.  If your fiancee is still best friends with this guy, even after talking crap about you, then you guys obviously have problems that you need to work out.  You shouldn't feel uncomfortable at your own wedding, and this situation will clearly make you uncomfortable.  I suggest you talk to your fiancee and come to some sort of an agreement. 

kimp67

Ditto pps.  My FI would never take ANYONE talking crap about me.  The guy would be looking for his teeth!! 

SSaltzman87

I too agree that this is more of a friend/relationship issue than a wedding issue. My FI would be kicking arse and taking names if someone were to insult me repeatedly in front of him, and I'd do the same for him. He needs to man up and defend you. Perhaps he needs to spend some time apart from this guy for a while.

As far as the bachelor party stuff, I wouldn't even worry about it. It's just ONE night, not worth worrying about. Just trust him to have good judgment.