It's not always about the wedding

trix1223

Consider this a public service announcement, reality check, wake-up call, whatever you'd prefer to call it.

In the months between now and your wedding, not everything in your life is related to or has to somehow impact your wedding.

If you get in a fight with a friend who also happens to be in your WP, you've gotten into a fight with a friend.  Fix the friendship and stop worrying about how it **might** impact your wedding.

If a friend changes her appearance by any of the following:  hair length, hair style, weight gain, weight loss, tattoos,  it's about what she wants to do for herself, and not about your wedding.

If you get a bunion on your foot and have to wear different shoes, get the shoes.  It's about a sore foot, not about your wedding.

If a friend gets engaged, or has a baby, congratulate her instead of worrying about how it **might** impact your wedding.

I'm sure that others can help me out here with things to add.  Please remember that in the coming months, you have a life.  Your friends have lives.  Your families have lives.

Please remember that between now and your wedding day, every single, flippin' thing doesn't have to, nor should it, be related to your wedding.

That is all.  Thank you.

bablingbrooke

Bless you!

I can't fathom how some people can tie everything in life back to the wedding.  It almost makes me sad, like the only thing they have going for them is this one party and they dropped everything else in their lives to prepare for it.  Our wedding wasn't even on our (DH's and my) radar until about a month beforehand--we had too much other shiit going on to worry about the details, which only the moms cared about anyway.

ETA: Was there something that prompted this post, or was it the boards in general (i.e. the 15 separate "I'm firing my BM" posts" in the last 5 days)?

trix1223

Just the dozen + posts about how brides (and/or grooms) got into a fight with a member of the WP and even though the wedding is months and months away, it's all about the wedding, not the friendship.  It made my head hurt. 

stina93446

Loves it! Bravo!

bablingbrooke

Yeah, those make me sad.

My BFF and I have gotten into one fight in our lives, and it of course happened after I asked her to be in the WP.  I don't even remember what it was about anymore.  For about three days we were really pissed off at each other (and it didn't help that we were backpacking through Peru together so we had to see each other the whole time!) and then by day three we just said, "This is stupid, let's just agree to disagree and stop fighting" and like that it was over.  The wedding didn't cross my mind once--it was about 11 months away at the time.  

Weddings are a big deal, but I've always considered them less important than 1) the decision to get married and 2) staying married afterward.  In Lebanese culture you celebrate your engagement anniversary in addition to your wedding anniversary, and they actually give the engagement more "weight" than the wedding.  They see it as more important that you chose to spend your lives together.  The big fat party is just what happens after you made that big decision.

kathrynhabibti

thank you trix :^D

[Deleted User]

I kind of forgot to plan our wedding until about 4 months to the big day. I can't imagine letting the wedding rule every single day from the moment we got engaged.

The only thing that happened that I thought of in a "woe is me and me wedding" kind of way was a foot problem. It wasn't quite healed by the wedding and I could only wear my heels for the ceremony, then I had to change because it hurt too bad. I'm still dealing with the same issue some 6 months later but no way was I going to let it ruin the wedding.

tldh

I'd also add that I've noticed that weddings are like alcohol when it comes to the bride.  Alcohol will intensify who you are: sentimental, mean, bitchy, etc.  I think weddings have the same effect which is why some people flip out when people don't fit their imagined day perfectly. 

These are the ones who freak at weight, tattoos hair color and length, WP pregnancies, MOB or MOG wearing a dress that isn't to the bride's liking (and horror, is champagne color) while others are more concerned about how comfortable and welcomed their guests are going to be.

kathrynhabibti

bree, you came over here! yay!

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:17113ac3-b5d3-474b-85bf-204c20062fe4">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]bree, you came over here! yay!
Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

I told her we needed her over here, especially in light of the mass firings that went on last week in WPs across the country.

jaimed99

*Standing Ovation* Thank you Trix! Again your brilliant insight helps to put things into perspective

Manwaithiel

The economy takes a downturn after the significant number of layoffs in wedding parties everywhere....

Nice job, Trix.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:90ca7252-9a0b-42b0-8226-ac52563402fb">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]The economy takes a downturn after the significant number of layoffs in wedding parties everywhere.... Nice job, Trix.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]


Well, yeah, now all those former brideslave-I mean bridesmaids aren't spending tons money on awesome showers and those super-important matching up-dos and mani-pedis. And having less attendants also means brides now have less matching embroidered tote bags (Filled with matching engraved picture frames and jewerly) to purchase.

You shouldn't fire WP members, the wedding industry really can't afford to take the hit.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:a86883f9-d86b-4aa9-8ca6-6ff5a1aa2493">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of forgot to plan our wedding until about 4 months to the big day. I can't imagine letting the wedding rule every single day from the moment we got engaged. The only thing that happened that I thought of in a "woe is me and me wedding" kind of way was a foot problem. It wasn't quite healed by the wedding and I could only wear my heels for the ceremony, then I had to change because it hurt too bad. I'm still dealing with the same issue some 6 months later but no way was I going to let it ruin the wedding.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE
]
Seshat:I swear that I didn't put in the shoes part about you.  Honest!  I actually put it in because my foot is really hurting today, and it was one of those little things that brides begin to obsess over, making it about their wedding instead of just being hurting tootsies.

 I wasn't making light of your foot problem!  And I'm sorry that you're still having problems.  It's hard to keep a smile on your face when your feet hurt!  =)

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:e0e50bcb-ca19-48cf-9872-a55f623005da">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's not always about the wedding : Well, yeah, now all those formers brideslave-I mean bridesmaids aren't spending tons money on awesome showers and those super-important matching up-dos and mani-pedis. And having less attendants also means brides now have less matching embroidered tote bags (Filled with matching engraved picture frames and jewerly) to purchase. You shouldn't fire WP members, the wedding industry really can't afford to take the hit.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Seriously. It's a very Communist thing to do =P

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:754464f7-e4bf-4c6f-b164-da35ce81ec3c">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's not always about the wedding : Seriously. It's a very Communist thing to do =P
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]


If you fire a WP member, you're against America.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:bd3be304-c008-418f-9148-b4e08f020292">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's not always about the wedding : If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
::snort::

megk8oz

I think I have a new siggy quote, lol.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:530402e5-ace3-48dd-9ca1-13930c9ea1b3">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I have a new siggy quote, lol.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Yayy!!!

stina93446

Meg, I love the new pic. Very classy looking affair you had there....

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:24900c89-7623-4724-b612-594678ca60be">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Meg, I love the new pic. Very classy looking affair you had there....
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]


Aw, thanks! "Classy" and "fun" were what we aimed for.

Going through all of our formal pics was fun, we realized that my family sucks when it comes to all looking at the camera at the same time, lol. We're a special group of people, we are <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

jaimed99

Can someone please sticky-note this? Not that the umpteen brides coming into this board to ask the questions to which this pertains will actually READ it, but it will give everyone something to refer them to when they ask those questions...

marinabreeze

If only there were a *like* button...

I totally agree, this should totally be a sticky-note :-).

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_its-not-always-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1c82b98f-f081-440b-8d98-3c006d289345Post:19eec542-efed-4e04-8e48-cf356cf6d4db">Re: It's not always about the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: It's not always about the wedding :  Seshat:I swear that I didn't put in the shoes part about you.  Honest!  I actually put it in because my foot is really hurting today, and it was one of those little things that brides begin to obsess over, making it about their wedding instead of just being hurting tootsies.  I wasn't making light of your foot problem!  And I'm sorry that you're still having problems.  It's hard to keep a smile on your face when your feet hurt!  =)
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Ha, I know it wasn't about me. I wasn't even posting on WP or anywhere other than my month board at that time. You mentioning the foot problem just made me think of mine and how worried I was it wouldn't heal in time. The strap across the toes put too much pressure on my foot so I couldn't wear them too long. Very sad.

KaylaSue19

When I started lurking about a month ago, I couldn't believe what some people were asking/suggesting. Apparently what seems like common sense or morals to one person is not even on others radars. The mass of firing questions this past week just cemented that for me.

I am happy for the AW bridezillas that all the smart married ladies stick around. Hopefully the reality checks hit some of them. To the ones that want validation and don't get it, and choose to retaliate claiming Knotties to be so mean, I just feel sorry for them. Don't ask if you're right if you are not. Don't ask if you are justifed in your actions if you are not. Don't ask if people agree with a ridiculous situation or idea. People here will tell you the truth, and I love it.

All of the honest, realistic, non AW questions I have seen are given great answers. Those same smart married ladies have some great advice to those who seek it.