I’ll try to condense this as much as possible and apologize for the length of this post. My MOH is a friend I’ve had since I was 3. We grew up together and always talked about being in each other’s weddings. In the last few years, however, we have become completely different people and all we have in common is the fact that we grew up together. As soon as I got engaged she said how excited she was to be in the wedding. After giving it some thought over the next few months (before I personally invited each member of the BP) I decided to include her. The reasons I was/am hesitant are because she is into drugs, has expressed her jealousy of me to others and directly to me, causes drama when things aren’t all about her, doesn’t have any money (she is making her mom pay for her dress, hotel, etc.) and recently starting dating a guy who is abusive and may also be a criminal. It really upsets me how she has ruined her life by making a series of bad decisions. I’ve tried talking to her, but she always lies and says she’s working on making things better or breaks up with the BF and gets back together with him and says "he's changed." Her parents just ignore the problem instead of addressing it so I can’t talk to them about it.
She is supposed to come down to Philly with the other BMs (they all live in NY) on Oct. 2 to go dress shopping. We went shopping twice in NY but didn’t find anything and there aren’t a lot of dress shops in my hometown. I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks and she hasn’t returned my messages (I think her BF uses her phone most of the time). While I was away on vacation last month she went down to Florida (where she used to live) to take care of some stuff. She was supposed to be back two weeks ago. Her parents don’t talk about her to my parents and she hasn’t returned my messages so I have no clue if she’s even coming back. So I’m thinking that if she bails on the Oct. 2 dress shopping that would be the final straw and I’d have to let her know that she needs to focus on straightening her life out right now and not be in the wedding. Maybe she could have a smaller role? It kills me to think about doing this but I don’t think it is fair to me to have this added stress surrounding my wedding. My FI and most of my friends and family don’t think it is a good idea to have her in it. I just know that this will be the end of our 20+-year friendship and since our families are close friends it will be the end of their friendship as well. The other issue is that I may not even be able to get in touch with her about this since she isn’t answering her phone. Any advice?