Should I be upset if she(bride) has not asked me yet?

grafixgrl81

My close friend and I have a strange relationship that involves us not seeing each other often and not always talking for months on end. That being said, we try to catch each other on email and consider each other close friends. When she emails me she will say "you will always be my best friend". She has this other friend she calls her best friend that she sees a lot and a sister in law she is close to. 

Anyway, she got engaged in February and is getting married December 2013 but she is already planning. She has lots on Pintrest and even went gown shopping. Her mother and SIL are even planning shower ideas. Should I be upset she hasn't asked me to be in the wedding yet? 

jagore08

She may not have asked anyone yet.  December 2013 is still far off.  However, if she doesn't ask you to be in her BM just be happy with being a guest. 

OBX2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-i-be-offended-that-shebride-has-not-asked-me-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ec6fe61-5a64-4b68-bd72-5b31c7a94f22Post:8fe64511-e88b-4bba-ad89-7359eecfae14">Should I be offended that she(bride) has not asked me yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]My close friend and I have a strange relationship that involves us not seeing each other often and not always talking for months on end. That being said, we try to catch each other on email and consider each other close friends. When she emails me she will say "you will always be my best friend". She has this other friend she calls her best friend that she sees a lot and a sister in law she is close to.  Anyway, she got engaged in February and is getting married December 2013 but she is already planning. She has lots on Pintrest and even went gown shopping. Her mother and SIL are even planning shower ideas. <strong>Should I be offended she hasn't asked me to be in the wedding yet?</strong> <strong>I always assumed I would be as she doesn't have many close girl friends. I was also with her when she met the groom 8 years ago when her and I went away to celebrate my 23rd bday.  Thoughts?
</strong>Posted by grafixgrl81[/QUOTE]

1) No, it is way too early for her to be asking anyone to be in her WP.  The bride should not ask anyone until April-June of 2013.  Things happen, friendships change....blah blah blah.

2) Don't assume anything.  Maybe her and FI don't want a big WP.  Maybe they just want a MOH and a BM.

3)  Just b/c you happened to be with her when she met the groom does not mean that you get an auto-pass to be in her WP.  That is beyond selfish on your part to even throw that in there (and I am not saying that you ARE selfish, but just the thought of you mentioning that to her would be)


Whatever you do, please do not ask her if she had planned on having you as a member of her WP.  That is just asking for all sorts of trouble and puts the bride in a really awkward position....as if she doesn't already enough to worry about with planning the wedding and all.

grafixgrl81

This got taken out of context. I think offended wasn't the right word. I guess I really wanted to be involved because we have gone through so much together in the past 13 years and I love her. I think upset or disappointed is the right word here and if it just her SIL and friend that is fine and I wouldn't be offended at all. 

The part about being with her when she met him is just something we find funny. What are the odds you go on a vacation and meet someone who lives in the next town? 8 years later they are getting married ,which she has always wanted. I am excited she finally got what she has dreamed of for so long. 

mbcdefg

Don't assume anything. Because you know what happens when you assume. If you want to be involved, ask her if she'd like any help or a sounding board for her ideas. You don't need to be a bridesmaid to help. If she doesn't want your help, don't take it personally. A lot of people prefer not to involve others in their plans. For all you know, her SIL/etc may have invited themselves into the planning and she's secretly unhappy about it.

grafixgrl81

You are right. I told if she wanted any help to let me know. I also comment on her board. 

Chels&Jimmy

I can understand your disappointment, but like PP's said, maybe she hasn't even asked her WP yet. Either way, don't ask her about it... that would just be really awkward. If you want to do something special for her, you can always plan a shower for her something. You don't need to be in the WP to do that.

JessicaPop

If I were you I would just ask her if she needed any help with anything. Be enthusiastic and try to get involved so that she can see that you really care and want to be a part of it. 

cwaggoner07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-i-be-offended-that-shebride-has-not-asked-me-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ec6fe61-5a64-4b68-bd72-5b31c7a94f22Post:dbe98f72-b7df-41b0-a644-1898d529b7d2">Re: Should I be upset if she(bride) has not asked me yet?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were you I would just ask her if she needed any help with anything. Be enthusiastic and try to get involved so that she can see that you really care and want to be a part of it. 
Posted by JessicaPop[/QUOTE]

I agree. I always advise to wait until you are about 9 months out from your wedding to finalize your WP, as relationships can change and you can't uninvite someone. Just be involved, be a good friend, and either way it will work itself out.
I only have 4 bridesmaids and one just got engaged last month and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be in her WP (LOTS of sisters), but I don't really care. I know I will be invited and no matter if I am WP or not we will still have a great time!

graysquirrel

I think that all you can do is to let her know how excited you are for her and that you would be happy to help with whatever she needs. For some women it is very important to be involved with their friends' weddings, but some brides really like doing things by themselves and being secretive. That doesn't mean that they don't like you and shouldn't be taken personally. I had a friend who didn't ever want to show anyone any of her wedding stuff. She just wanted it all to be a surprise and liked to have control over her stuff. Point of story: don't be upset if she doesn't ask you. Just let her know how happy you are and enjoy the excitement in her life.

RamonaFlowers

I have 2 best friends-one of whom has been my best friend since we were 11 (We're 27 now). We've never had a major falling out, though we do go through periods where we just don't see each other/talk much for a really long time (Life happens, we get super busy, etc). The other one has been my best friend for 6 years, and we do manage to talk and see each other a lot, because we live near each other.

Anyway, I love both of these girls to death, and truly couldn't imagine getting married without them at the wedding ... and I didn't ask either of them to be a BM. It wasn't because I was mad at them or anything, but I had my sisters and DH's sister standing up for me, and I just didn't want to deal with having more BMs than that.

Anyway, if this bride doesn't ask you to be in the WP, that's her right as a bride. Unless she flat out gives you an offensive reason why she didn't include you ("I don't want your tattoos in my wedding pictures", "You can't afford the dress I want everybody to wear", "You're fat and I only want skinny BMs", etc), you really don't have the right to be offended by her choice.

nikole712

I would not be upset if I were you. I am also a Fall 2013 bride in the very early stages of planning (just engaged 4/15 and researching venues). I am not going to ask anyone to be in my wedding until this fall the earliest as it is so far away. Perhaps she is thinking the same way. Hope this helps you!