Wedding Party mama drama...

ktmarion5

Ugh. So I got engaged about 3 weeks ago. My FI and I have been together for about 5 and a half years, so there had already been a lot of planning/preparing going on. At one point, we were talking about the WP and who we would have. I have a brother and sister who I am very close with (brother is one year younger (25) and sister is 4 years younger (22)), and FI has two younger brothers (15, 22) that he is kind of close with. I have known forever that I would have my sister as my MOH, and then the 4 other girls I would have also. I asked my FI who he would have, and he mentioned 5 people that were not his brothers or my brother... I was a little bummed at first, but upon talking through it, our reasoning was this - his youngest brother is underage. We like to go out and drink, and he wouldn't be able to do that, and it would be hard for us to ask him to be a GM if he couldn't participate in a lot of the activities (bachelor party, ect). Also, if we didn't have his younger brother, it'd be hard to ask his older brother because the younger would feel left out, and we couldn't have every sibling except my brother. So we were going to have all three brothers be ushers. (having a large wedding.. ~300 people). Before FI even had a chance to talk to his brothers about his decision, his mom told them both they were going to be GM in the wedding. I got pissed... first off, it's not her place to be doing stuff like that (she's a little overbearing), and should have talked to us first. And now both of his brothers have their feelings hurt because of this. I have considered asking them both now to be GM, but I feel like they would know it's because of what's happened. And I don't want to have any more BM's, so we'd have 5 and 7, and then we'd have to ask my brother also, which imho, is getting a little out of hand (just don't want to have to manage all those people... ha). What are everyone's thoughts and what would be the best way to handle the situation? I've already left FMIL know she was out of place to mention anything...

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wedding-party-mama-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:208842df-83f7-46ad-b570-32c367896fcbPost:e76fc107-3d44-4f01-a69a-f79654c835fc">Re: Wedding Party mama drama...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the advice, but <strong>maybe I just just have a different relationship with his family that others don't understand, which isn't a bad thing because we are pretty honest with eachother, and she has no daughters, so i'm kind of like the daughter she never had. I guess, in short, I know I wasn't wrong saying anything to her, despite what you guys may think :)</strong> Posted by ktmarion5[/QUOTE]

I don't care if his mother is your bestest friend in the whole wide world, that doesn't change my original response. This is <strong>your FI's </strong>half of the WP, which you don't get a say in (Aside from if he wanted to ask a friend that was begging him not to marry you). And the people in question are still <strong>your FI's</strong> brothers who's feelings were hurt (Which is totally not their fault, they are just victims here-so you don't get to be mad at them), because <strong>your FI's </strong>mother to them they would be standing on <strong>your FI's</strong> side. You need to let <strong>your FI</strong> handle it. If he chooses to "handle it" by ignoring the issue or refusing to be confrontational, then you need to respect that and let it go. But this entire situation absolutely none of your business.<strong>

</strong>If <strong>your</strong> <strong>father</strong> went and told <strong>your </strong>sisters they would be BMs behind your back (Even though you never planned to include them), and then <strong>your FI</strong> starting telling <strong>your father </strong>why he was out of line to do so, I'd be telling you<strong> </strong>that your FI is the one that's out of line, and that you should be telling him to butt out and let you handle your father. And if he really couldn't mind his own business and kept trying to put your father in his place, I'd tell you to run and never look back, because clearly he's got major control issues.

suz62984

His mom should not have assumed they would be in the wedding; however she did and what is done is done. Also, if you decided not to have them in the wedding as GM then stick by it because you are right that they will feel that you only asked them because you had too. Just ignore her emails or just say well we have discussed this subject enough...change the subject.

THat being said. You and your FI were wrong for not including his younger brother based on alcohol. It sucks that alcohol means more to you than family. Pre-wedding parties are gifts and are not mandatory to attend. You will be wise to remember that. It also sucks that you decided not to include his other brother because he didn't want feelings hurt...too late on that I guess. Also, please know that even sides are not necessary. I did not have even sides and no one could tell. No one cared. Looking back you will feel stupid that you chose an even number of people over friends and family. 5 & 7 are perfectly acceptable numbers of WP members esp. if you are inviting300 guests.