questioin from a bridesmaid

dandelion17

.Should I say something or should I offer to pay ?

CTGirl30

Wow...your friend is being very rude by inviting essentially double the number of people she and her FI can actually afford to host. Because a reception is, in essence, a party that someone is hosting. If the bride & groom are paying for their wedding, then they are the hosts and as such, have a responsibility to their guests. And the basic responsibilities include providing some form of food & beverage & adequate seating for all invited.

It is absolutely rude to only invite some people to the dinner and to exclude the rest. And I agree that your parents would be quite justified in declining altogether. The bride is also misinformed that it is "tradition" to invite the parents of the WP. You can if you want (in some cases it would make sense, as in if you were childhood friends and knew each other's parents well), but there's no mandate that you must do this and in many cases, parents of the WP members aren't expecting an invitation usually.

Whether or not you say something depends on how close you are to this friend and how comfortable you are raising a difficult topic like this.  Either she can hear it from a friend (you) or she's going to get the side eye (and possibly a lot of declines) from her other guests once they figure out the scenario - or, it's going to be a very awkward scene if the invites are totally confusing and everyone arrives anticipating dinner only to find that some people are turned away to make their own arrangements to eat (to do what? Go find a Burger King??).

This one is tough b/c she's clearly already sending out the invitations and the wedding is coming up very soon, you said.  Ugh.

Your friend is not comign out of this one looking very good, unfortunately. And needless to say, these tiered receptions are not well received by many.

jagore08

There is nothing more to add that these girls didn't cover already.  Just remember this situation when your time rolls around.  I'm sure you and your FI have a bit more class than your friend.

lalap69

And this is why we are so adamant in telling brides that want to do this how rude it is.  It's rude, rude, rude and it has the potential to damage relationships.

I think it's terrible that your friend is doing this and I don't blame you for being upset.  Honestly, I would probably confront them about it since the groom told you that they were invited to dinner and it was just a mistake and your parents have been relying on that.  Otherwise I'd decline the invitation. 

I'm sorry; that really sucks.  Perhaps as a wedding present you might want to gift the bride "Emily Post's Etiquette"?

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_questioin-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:21fbd420-7a56-45cc-9045-a9a63d4b3529Post:d5af3c80-75d6-4902-bef7-56ccc88fd21c">Re: questioin from a bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]i would offer to pay. you dont want to upset the bride or your parents. i would just try and settle it yourself. plus you never know the circumstances, she could have just said that to them and could be sending them an invite only to the ceremony. you never know
Posted by karahiggins[/QUOTE]

This is just poor advice.  YOU should not, ever, be paying for guests at someone else's wedding.  I agree with just telling your parents to decline the "honor" of this invitation, which is really an invoice for a gift.

What the bride is doing is just astonishingly rude and smacks of entitlement.  But I also have to say that it may be a custom in your cirlce to invite parents of WP, but it is not at all proper etiquette. 

My children have been members of WPs for their friends on many occasions.  I have never been, nor would I expect to be, invited to the wedding.  They're my kids' friends, not ours.