Matron Of Honor Is Not Speaking To Me Now????

blondie2167

Sooo This is a long story but basically my fiance has a twin brother and his wife has been a friend of mine for the last 5 years, she and my fiances brothe were married this past august and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She is a very passive person and doesnt express her self openly and honestly,atleast not to anyones face. I put in 100% as one of her bridesmaids to make her wedding everything she wanted, however she and her fiance kept wanting to do things on their own and didnt want anyones input and i can respect that because she didnt want to deal with opinions and wants to make her own decisions. However now that I am planning my wedding i have welcomed everyone to help and asked for many people to be involved including my family and my fiances family and my MOH has all of a sudden stopped returning my calls and texts and emails and only speaks breifly when i see her durring family events, this has been going on since before christmas, my wedding is in july... what the heck do i do??? and what did i do to deserve to be ignored???????????

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_matron-of-honor-not-speaking-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:22d7b6d4-75dc-401a-b3fd-4f55ff46dedePost:d6007e0e-4d24-48bc-9f6e-36ad95a7c615">Matron Of Honor Is Not Speaking To Me Now????</a>:
[QUOTE]Sooo This is a long story but basically my fiance has a twin brother and his wife has been a friend of mine for the last 5 years, she and my fiances brothe were married this past august and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She is a very passive person and doesnt express her self openly and honestly,atleast not to anyones face. I put in 100% as one of her bridesmaids to make her wedding everything she wanted, however she and her fiance kept wanting to do things on their own and didnt want anyones input and i can respect that because she didnt want to deal with opinions and wants to make her own decisions. <strong>However now that I am planning my wedding i have welcomed everyone to help and asked for many people to be involved </strong>including my family and my fiances family and my MOH has all of a sudden stopped returning my calls and texts and emails and only speaks breifly when i see her durring family events, this has been going on since before christmas, my wedding is in july... what the heck do i do??? and what did i do to deserve to be ignored???????????
Posted by blondie2167[/QUOTE]

When you say that you asked people to be involved ... did you say something like, "If you want to help out, let me know!" Or did you say something like, "I would like you to do XYZ"? And how often did you put out these requests/invitations for help?

At any rate, contact the MOH and say something like, "Hey, I feel like we used to be very close and now it seems like we're not anymore. Is something bothering you?" Don't mention the wedding or her lack of help/responses to your requests at all, because this is a friend issue and not a wedding issue.

If she says nothing is wrong, then expect nothing more from her than to get her dress and stand up in the wedding. That's all a bridesmaid is required to do, anyway ... any help that they provide beyond that is a bonus, not their duty.

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_matron-of-honor-not-speaking-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:22d7b6d4-75dc-401a-b3fd-4f55ff46dedePost:d6007e0e-4d24-48bc-9f6e-36ad95a7c615">Matron Of Honor Is Not Speaking To Me Now????</a>:
[QUOTE]Sooo This is a long story but basically my fiance has a twin brother and his wife has been a friend of mine for the last 5 years, she and my fiances brothe were married this past august and I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She is a very passive person and doesnt express her self openly and honestly,atleast not to anyones face. I put in 100% as one of her bridesmaids to make her wedding everything she wanted, however she and her fiance kept wanting to do things on their own and didnt want anyones input and i can respect that because she didnt want to deal with opinions and wants to make her own decisions. However now that I am planning my wedding i have welcomed everyone to help and asked for many people to be involved including my family and my fiances family and my MOH has all of a sudden stopped returning my calls and texts and emails and only speaks breifly when i see her durring family events, this has been going on since before christmas, my wedding is in july... what the heck do i do??? and what did i do to deserve to be ignored???????????
Posted by blondie2167[/QUOTE]<div>Just because YOU were an awesome bm, it doesn't mean that she has to be. She has a life outside your wedding and although it's important, she probably doesn't think it's as important as you do. Sorry, weddings aren't tit for tat. If she doesn't want to help, she doesn't have to. Bms are not required to help you. You can ask. She can decline.</div><div>
</div><div>As for the ignoring....have you tried sending her a text or email and just asking how SHE is? Not about the wedding, just about her life. Some bms get very burned out about wedding talk so it's best to go out for coffee or a movie and not bring it up. Another thing you need to think about is that if she isn't returning calls, maybe she's depressed or something's wrong. If you think something is wrong, you need to put the wedding aside and see how your friend is, as it wouldn't be a bm issue, it would be a friend issue.</div><div>
</div><div>And one more thing: if she was a passive friend BEFORE all this, she'll always be a passive person. That's who she is.

</div>

qwerty777

I'm going to make an assumption that may be completely wrong, and if so then I'm sorry. To me, it sounds like you are asking your family for their help and wanting them to do things for you, and also kind of expecting it. If that is the case, then she may have started ignoring you because she doesn't want to be asked to do all sorts of things she doesn't want to (helping with favors, dress shopping, etc). She may also just be all "wedding-ed" out after her own less than a year ago, and doesn't really care to talk about weddings in general.

Try talking to her about anything but the wedding, and maybe things will get better. In any case, she doesn't have to do anything for you just because you did it for her. The only thing she is "required" to do is to wear the dress and show up, so as long as you get that, you shouldn't worry about anything else.

mbcdefg

I also want to ask ... is the MOH your closest friend? You said you've been friends for 5 years, which is great. Is she your absolute best friend?

If she is, has she ever avoided your calls before?

If she is not, why did you select her as the MOH and not someone else?

bablingbrooke

Holy run-on sentence batman!  That was hard to follow.

If she JUST got married last August, she may be weddinged out and not into helping someone else plan her wedding. 

Are you only talking to her about the wedding?  Is that the only reason you're calling her?  Or are you still hanging out like normal?  If it's suddenly all-wedding, all-the-time, that's why she's not returning your calls.  No one likes a single-issue friend, and if that's what you've become that needs to stop.  Even if you think that's not the case, you might be bringing it up more than you realize.  So I'd make a conscious effort to not mention the wedding unless someone else brings it up for awhile.

Are you sure you didn't do anything to upset her?  When someone completely cuts you off, you have to look internally as well as externally.  So rather than ask this board what you did to be ignored, ask yourself.

Did her marriage correspond with a move?  I was in a friend's wedding as BM and after she got married she and her DH moved across the country and started med school.  At the same time, I moved to a different place and started law school.  While we are still friends, we are definitely not as close as we used to be because our lives have changed.  Could something like that be going on here?

bablingbrooke

Clearly you have found the ?????????? button.  Now stop using it.  It's hard to take you seriously when you have umpteen question marks.

What you've invited people to do are chores that most people don't consider fun.  They consider them chores.  So don't be shocked when you don't get any takers.

All I can say is give her some space for awhile.  Maybe your FI could ask his brother if he knows if anything is up.  

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_matron-of-honor-not-speaking-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:22d7b6d4-75dc-401a-b3fd-4f55ff46dedePost:eea4eb74-8a35-456d-b4fc-178dd9ecd3fe">Re: Matron Of Honor Is Not Speaking To Me Now????</a>:
[QUOTE]Clearly you have found the ?????????? button.  Now stop using it.  It's hard to take you seriously when you have umpteen question marks.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
I hope to one day be as awesome as you.  That was fantastic.  And true.

bablingbrooke

Haha thanks