Help! Do I have to make my future sister in law a bridesmaid?

missalysa326

My future sister-in-law and I have had a VERY rough relationship. We are currently cordial to each other.  I have 3 sisters to serve as bridesmaids but also I would like to include my 4 closest friends. My girls are all very special to me ... Advice, please!

mocha beans

No, as far as I know you don't HAVE to include anyone in particular, sister or friend of FSIL.  Chances are if you've had a rocky relationship, she won't really want to be in the wedding anyway.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_future-sister-law-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:230a2360-0645-4fc2-9a07-a41bb3700fbePost:27e86fe2-cabf-46bc-84c7-eb91de7e3eec">Help! Do I have to make my future sister in law a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]My future sister-in-law and I have had a VERY rough relationship. We are currently cordial to each other.  I have 3 sisters to serve as bridesmaids but also I would like to include my 4 closest friends. My girls are all very special to me ... Advice, please!
Posted by missalysa326[/QUOTE]

You should have whoever you like stand by your side as bridesmaids. Although, if you think it would cause years of drama with your in-laws if you don't ask her, it may be easier to just ask her and avoid the whole years of drama thing.

duckie1905

I included my SIL but we have an excellent relationship.  If you don't have a great relationship with her, chances are she doesn't want to be included anyway.  But, as emilykathleen said, if its going to cause drama with your ILs for years to come I'm in favor of asking her just to keep the peace.

But no, you aren't required to have any BMs you don't want.

stina93446

No requirement. If you don't want her in the BP, don't ask her.

swim1011

No, you don't have to ask anyone you don't want to. But.  Like PPs said, if you think it will cause drama, just ask her, and don't expect a lot.  My older brother and his FI didn't ask me to be in their WP, but they did ask our little brother, and I was a bit upset about that, even though we're not that close. That being said, she's not in my WP either.  In the end, it's your choice.

[Deleted User]

No, you don't have to. I have a great relationship with my two FSIL's and I still chose not to ask them to stand up because they're quite a bit younger and I have a lot of very close friends. I've asked them both to do a reading in the ceremony instead. I'm very happy with the decision. Do whatever YOU feel is right for you, not for your family or theirs.

KappaK

I didn't include my FSIL.  I didn't not include because of a rocky relationship or anything.  She and I are just very different and we knew we wanted a small wedding party so I just included my close friends.  Including her didn't even occur to me until I came on here!

ellorinkr

I know exactly how you feel.  I don't get along with my FSIL either.  And the crazy thing is that my FMIL has been dropping questions as far as what her (my FSIL)'s role going to be in the wedding!  I think the reason she is doing this is because she wants to "show" to everyone that our families are coming together all happily, but in truth, our families don't get along real well...ALSO my FSIL is going to have 2 young babies by the time we get married (twins), so I figured she would rather be sitting with her 2 newborns rather than standing in the front with me.  In the end the final call is up to you.  Don't let anyone else sway you because its your day...

aerinpegadrak

She can always stand on your brother's side if she really wants to be in the wedding.  Mixed gender wedding parties are becoming more and more common.  I'm considering asking my brother to switch to my side, since he and FI don't really get along.

jeannigirl

Equitette would tell you yes. I really think that is a dumb thing if you two do not share some bond or closeness. I would not do that and am not just for the fact that I am not close to any woman in his family.I am not even including my sisters in this event has BP.

If your FI wants to include her then he can add her to his side. Alot of B&G's are doing that these days. You have who has been there for you has a friend and that you could not see not having them be a part of this special moment in your life.

moshi's paw

I am asking my FSIL because she's like an older sister to me.  FI is asking her husband because FI was asked to be a groomsman for their wedding, even though they are far from bromantic. 

If you are clos(er) to your FILs, especially your FMIL, I'd ask her what she thinks.  If she knows that you two have had it rocky for a while, maybe she wouldn't mind if her daughter weren't included on your special side.  Or, as someone else suggested, if she is to be involved, she can more than readily stand for her brother (honor attendants are all the rage these days!).  But no matter what, go with your gut- but you might have to be ready to defend your decision to the future family.

love_jael

NOPE As pp have already mentioned-you dont have to have your FSIL in your wedding party. I'm not

bablingbrooke

You don't have to but sometimes it's worth it to buy some family peace.  Not having FSILs (or sisters) in the WP isn't a problem until it becomes one.  So if you foresee it being a big family drama, ask them (all they have to do is buy the dress and show up, it isn't a big deal).  

Friends understand that family sometimes gets an automatic "in".  My sister and I don't get along, she was my MOH because in my family that's just how we do it.  None of my friends were upset, they totally understood and assumed that she was going to be MOH before I even asked them to be BMs.  So don't think that it will make their parts any less special.