Advise: Bridesmaid trying to take MOH's role over!

tombraider21

Okay...here is that back story. My older sister and I have not been close since she started middle school. That is why I asked my best friend (who is more like a sister to me) to be my MOH. At the time, I was debating between my older sister and my little sister as a BM and ask the other to be my personal attendant. I told my mom I was torn and my little sister over heard and said she wanted to be my personal attendant. So my older sister a BM and younger sister is my PA.
This is when my older sister started trying to be the MOH. Ever since Christmas my older sister has been trying to get me to okay the plans for the BP. First it was: "Lets go to Kansas City." I said was going to be expensive and my MOH (who lives in AZ) and I will have to fly back to Nebraska for the BP and the bridal shower (I am planning to do both in one weekend). "Oh don't worry about money, "WE" will take care of it" my sister says. Ah..excuse me? My MOH and I have to buy a plane tickets back to NE twice...money is an issue. Now my sister wants to go to a vineyard and bed and breakfast! I have told her she needs to talk to my MOH about the BP repeatedly! "If MOH needs help making the arrangements, she will ask," I told my her. She doesn't listen to me! I have tried to tell her about my plans to come back once before the wedding and have the BP and bridal shower in one weekend. I have also told her what I would like to do for my BP. Still doesn't listen. My mom, my aunt and the MOH think one weekend is the BEST thing for everyone. My older sister just won't listen to me, our mother, or our aunt!
I don't know what to do! I feel so bad that my MOH has to put up with this. I'm almost at the point I just want to ask her to step down as a BM if she is going to continue act like this. I don't see it as being helpful, because she should be talking to the MOH and not me.
Has anyone had this happen or any advise one what to do?

AdeleDazeem

Don't ask your sister to step down.  Period.  The end.

If your sister wants to plan a party, then your MOH is definitely not obligated to attend.  If your MOH wants to plan a party for when she is in town, then she should either a. get in touch with your sister to put the pieces together or b. just plan it.

Pass along contact information for both of them to each other and then stay out of the situation.

gottahavashorti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advise-bridesmaid-trying-mohs-role-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:235cd429-5a1e-4bd7-9701-d31518f36bbdPost:cd7d9945-a96b-4f09-ad5b-47e9c789f157">Advise: Bridesmaid trying to take MOH's role over!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay...here is that back story. My older sister and I have not been close since she started middle school. That is why I asked my best friend (who is more like a sister to me) to be my MOH. At the time, I was debating between my older sister and my little sister as a BM and ask the other to be my personal attendant. I told my mom I was torn and my little sister over heard and said she wanted to be my personal attendant. So my older sister a BM and younger sister is my PA. This is when my older sister started trying to be the MOH. Ever since Christmas my older sister has been trying to get me to okay the plans for the BP. First it was: "Lets go to Kansas City." I said was going to be expensive and my MOH (who lives in AZ) and I will have to fly back to Nebraska for the BP and the bridal shower (I am planning to do both in one weekend). "Oh don't worry about money, "WE" will take care of it" my sister says. Ah..excuse me? My MOH and I have to buy a plane tickets back to NE twice...money is an issue. Now my sister wants to go to a vineyard and bed and breakfast! I have told her she needs to talk to my MOH about the BP repeatedly! "If MOH needs help making the arrangements, she will ask," I told my her. She doesn't listen to me! I have tried to tell her about my plans to come back once before the wedding and have the BP and bridal shower in one weekend. I have also told her what I would like to do for my BP. Still doesn't listen. My mom, my aunt and the MOH think one weekend is the BEST thing for everyone. My older sister just won't listen to me, our mother, or our aunt! I don't know what to do! I feel so bad that my MOH has to put up with this. I'm almost at the point I just want to ask her to step down as a BM if she is going to continue act like this. I don't see it as being helpful, because she should be talking to the MOH and not me. Has anyone had this happen or any advise one what to do?
Posted by tombraider21[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]I forgot to mention that my mom's sisters (my aunts) are putting on the bridal shower not my MOH or sister. My sister has my MOH's phone number and email and vise versa. I know for a fact she has not contacted my MOH about anything related to the BP. [/QUOTE]
There's no reason you need one, and no reason both of your sister's can't be BMs.  Please, please promote your sister to BM.

Next, anyone who wishes can throw you a bachelorette or shower.  You have no say in what those parties consist of and cannot ask for them.  If you do not wish to have the parties that are being planned, turn them down.

You cannot remove a bridesmaid without ending the friendship.  Or in this case, possibly having long term problems with your sister and a lot of awkward Thanksgiving dinners.

NatandIsaac

I know that this isn't what you want advice on, but personal attendant is a job not an honor. I really think you should reconsider, and ask your younger sister to be a BM.

banana468

I'd just remind the sisters that anything they do wouldn't be fun unless your MOH was included.