no one for the groom

jpgoodie529

This is turning into my wedding only. My fianc's family and friends will not be attending the wedding. They did not have enough time to plan for travel 4 months so he suggest we honeymoon on his home island of trinidad and have a 2nd reception to include his family and friends. Im not excited about this idea because they will expect us to stay with them. How can I get out of this?

jpgoodie529

I want to get out of this because I dont want to spend my hmoon with his mother in the next room. Yes we are joining families but this will be both.of our 2nd marriage. I'm dissapointed they wont come, so it's only my friends and family at the wedding

SugarFoote

If it bothers you that bad, then why don't you see if you can stay in a hotel the wedding night and then spend the rest of the honeymoon at his parents home? It's not like the honeymoon is the only time your going to be having sex...you have the rest of your lives to do that.

mbcdefg

I want to get out of this because I dont want to spend my hmoon with his mother in the next room. Yes we are joining families but this will be both.of our 2nd marriage. I'm dissapointed they wont come, so it's only my friends and family at the wedding

So, again, tell them that you will stay in a hotel. It's not that hard to say that. And it won't kill them if you don't stay with them the whole time.

What does the second marriage have to do with it? You're still joining families and everyone in attendance will be there to support both of you. It sucks if his family can't make it, but it sounds nice that they want to throw a party for you guys.

If the issue here is that your fiance cannot stand up to his Mommy and tell her that he won't be obeying her wishes, then THAT is the real problem. And you need to fix it before you marry him. Or else you're in for a lifetime of bowing down to his Mommy on everything.

Have you had prior issues where your fiance expected you to go along with whatever his family wanted from you guys, even if you personally weren't happy with it?

Kate61487

I think it's really selfish to refuse to go to Trinidad and have the second party.  If it's an issue of finances or not enough time off work or something that's one thing, but really?  You're refusing to go because you don't want to stay at his mother's house?  SO DON"T STAY AT HIS MOTHERS.  It is not that hard to say "No thanks, we'll stay at a hotel"  They cannot force you to stay at their home.  And honestly I think they'll be realistic about the fact that you're on your honeymoon and want to be alone.

Go to Trinidad.  Celebrate with your new family.  Stay in a hotel and don't tell any of his family where it is.  Better yet; only stay in/near is home town for the reception itself and then go to the other side of the island where you're less likely to bump into them for the rest of the honeymoon. 

catwine

I'd go to Trinidad but lie and say someone gifted you with a honeymoon at another resort besides the one they are staying at.

mbcdefg

I'd go to Trinidad but lie and say someone gifted you with a honeymoon at another resort besides the one they are staying at.

I don't think that's a bad idea, in theory ...

But I'm curious as to what the real issue behind this is. If the in-laws are repeatedly insisting that OP and her FI stay with them, and OP and FI are just rolling their eyes and don't want to do it but can't get them to STFU about it, then I think this response might work to get the in-laws off their backs.

But if the issue is that the FI sees absolutely nothing wrong with him and OP staying with his family for their honeymoon - or even if it's a case where he personally sees nothing wrong with it, yet he's not sticking up for OP when she says that SHE hates this idea - then the problem isn't how to get away from the in-laws. The problem is that OP is marrying a total puss who can't stand up for himself or his wife, and they're in for a miserable lifetime of him always bowing down to his Mommy's wishes because he can't bring himself to say no to her (or because he enjoys letting her call the shots and has no problem letting his wife get screwed over as a result).
 
jpgoodie, where does your fiance stand on this issue?

jpgoodie529

we can visit trinidad another time... He says she will be offended if we dont stay with her. I suggested hmoon on tobago sister island in a resort then spend weekend in trinidad with his family and have the party. I think this is an excuse to go home. He dosent get there often. But the wedding ceremony here will be attended by only my friends and family. im dissapointeda

jpgoodie529

His mother is elderly and wouldn't have come anyway as she dosent fly. But he has 4 sibings. Christmas is a good time for a family visit home...not my hmoon.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-one-for-the-groom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:23634212-560e-4f32-93b8-c17568b2ef2ePost:1ee7681c-7015-4a9f-b027-444d85686f68">Re:no one for the groom</a>:
[QUOTE]we can visit trinidad another time... <strong>He says she will be offended if we dont stay with her.</strong> I suggested hmoon on tobago sister island in a resort then spend weekend in trinidad with his family and have the party. I think this is an excuse to go home. He dosent get there often. But the wedding ceremony here will be attended by only my friends and family. im dissapointeda
Posted by jpgoodie529[/QUOTE]
This is what I was going to say. Yes, it may be easy to say 'we're not staying with you,' but people don't understand that they will NOT take no for an answer. My FI is from Martinique and when we go visit in the future, it isn't a choice. We won't be allowed to stay in a hotel. It's madness. <div>
</div><div>I think your idea of staying in Tobago and then spending a weekend in Trinidad is a good compromise. Your FI has to explain to her that you want to enjoy your honeymoon enjoying each other. Not visiting & entertaining guests. Because you know that once you go there, they'll be taking you around to meet all of the family. Not a bad thing for a vacation, but not exactly the rest & relaxation you're looking for on your honeymoon. You need your FI to back you up on it.</div>

Lark2013

How would you guys feel about taking a few days in Trinidad for your HM (3-4 days) and then going to his family for the rest of the time (3-4 days). I know where you are coming from about wanting to have your HM to yourselves, but your future family in law has offered to host a party for you, and if your FI doesn't get to go home all that often, it would be really nice for him.

Or do like others have said, go to Trinidad and stay in a hotel.  I'm sure that if you explain to FI and his parents that you would like some of that special time alone because you just got married, they will understand.

Either way, for the sake of the relationships to come, please don't totally disregard his family immediatly after the wedding.

mbcdefg

we can visit trinidad another time... He says she will be offended if we dont stay with her. I suggested hmoon on tobago sister island in a resort then spend weekend in trinidad with his family and have the party. I think this is an excuse to go home. He dosent get there often. But the wedding ceremony here will be attended by only my friends and family. im dissapointeda

Sounds like a good compromise. Spend some time alone elsewhere, and then spend time with the family.