No bridal party, but...

ekislos1

I have known for a long time that I only wanted my sister to stand up with me as my maid of honor/witness, because I have some abrasive friends/acquaintances who would turn a bridal party into something far more complicated than I want to deal with. I'm very happy with my decision, and so far all of my friends have been very receptive to the idea (no money spent, no time obligations, I still will spend quality time with them all but they can just attend as guests). 

Last weekend, though, my FI's sister was acting strangely toward me and I found out later that she asked her mom "whether she was just going to be a guest" at our wedding. She is a few years older than me and got married last year; I hadn't thought she would even want to be required to stand up with me as a bridesmaid. Apparently though she is "stewing" over it so I'm in a tough spot. I have a younger brother and my FI is not having him as a groomsman - my brother is more than fine with the idea that he will be "just a guest." 

I do not have any objection to having my future SIL as a bridesmaid, if it comes to that... but I just wasn't sure whether there was an etiquette-based obligation that I have to ask her. Plus, it complicates my "no bridal party" rule if I, you know, have a bridal party. I also just kind of feel like my hand is being forced - I have barely made any plans yet (we have been engaged for one week) so I could have been planning to ask her and she threw a pre-emptive fit when I didn't ask last weekend.  

Are there rules about who you must have stand with you as bridesmaids? Am I violating an etiquette rule here?

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-bridal-party-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:24d82421-0af9-4dea-a89c-7f7979338f62Post:6b30e710-7e3f-452d-8000-6c429290cde4">No bridal party, but...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have known for a long time that I only wanted my sister to stand up with me as my maid of honor/witness, because I have some abrasive friends/acquaintances who would turn a bridal party into something far more complicated than I want to deal with. I'm very happy with my decision, and so far all of my friends have been very receptive to the idea (no money spent, no time obligations, I still will spend quality time with them all but they can just attend as guests).   Last weekend, though, my FI's sister was acting strangely toward me and I found out later that she asked her mom "whether she was just going to be a guest" at our wedding. She is a few years older than me and got married last year; I hadn't thought she would even want to be required to stand up with me as a bridesmaid. Apparently though she is "stewing" over it so I'm in a tough spot. I have a younger brother and my FI is not having him as a groomsman - my brother is more than fine with the idea that he will be "just a guest."   I do not have any objection to having my future SIL as a bridesmaid, if it comes to that... but I just wasn't sure whether there was an etiquette-based obligation that I have to ask her. Plus, it complicates my "no bridal party" rule if I, you know, have a bridal party. I also just kind of feel like my hand is being forced - I have barely made any plans yet (we have been engaged for one week) so I could have been planning to ask her and she threw a pre-emptive fit when I didn't ask last weekend.    Are there rules about who you must have stand with you as bridesmaids? Am I violating an etiquette rule here?
Posted by ekislos1[/QUOTE]

Well you do have a WP that consists of your MOH (and I'm guessing your FI's best man).  There is nothing that requires family to automatically be members of the WP.  The only caveat I ever give is if there is going to be one sibling left out because that can lead to some hard feelings (and I speak from personal experience on this one, others have been in the same situation and are fine with it).  If you do not want her as a BM, your FI can always have her stand with him on his side.

KateH2013

Don't feel pressured to ask your FSIL. It's a nice gesture to ask her if you have multiple people in your WP but it's not bad etiquette to not ask her. She may feel bent out of shape about it but maybe she doesn't realize you only want your MOH. Maybe you can include her in some of the planning (shower, bachelorette, etc.).

PhoneCardLady

YOU decide who YOU want to be in your wedding party, and no one else!

I most likely will not have anyone stand up for me.  Mom way upset that I would not ask my sister to stand up,especially since I stood up for her at her first wedding. 

Peledreamsofrain

This is a tough situation.  On one hand, I understand your desire to have your wedding the way that you want it to be.  And on the basic level, you do have every right to have your party to your specifications.

On the other hand, you ARE joining another family.  Doing so means diplomatic gestures, politeness till you turn green, and careful consideration of each other's feelings.  If this is seriously hurting your future SIL's feelings, you may want to seriously consider just letting her stand up there with you.  Weigh the pros and cons.  I personally went through the same thing, and just ended up asking my future SIL to stand up with me. 

And you know what?  She has been the most supportive, helpful, wonderful BM ever. I couldn't have put together this wedding so easily without her.

lpowers1118

Have her stand up on her brothers side

slgirl21

there is no rule book on how many ppl have to be in you WP or even not having a WP. Just explain to her that you do not want a big WP, and deligate her to do something else, like plan the shower, have her involved because she is family, but u are not obligated to have her in your WP.

I've been in a lot of weddings, so when its my time am do I have to ask all my friends who got married and I was there bridesmaid to be part of my wedding, NO, I'm going to ask the ppl I'm closest with to stand by me, which currently is one right now.