maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!

LindsayMarieLayton

Well, let me start by saying that my best friend since 2006 is my maid of honor and my 15-years-older-than-me sister is my maitron of honor... and I'm at a complete loss with both of them.

My Maid of honor really has no interest or drive to help me. She is too wrapped up in her own boyfriend and her own life to really care. I have been best friend with her almost 7 years- but as of lately we have drifted apart. We still love eachother but its so much different.

My maitron of honor is my sister, and we barely have a realtionship what so ever. When she got married I wsa her flower girl, and at that time we were best friends. I always looked up to her and she was my hero. Now... 15 years later... we barely talk. She is overly jealous of what I have and is as cold as ice. I have been told that i "HAVE" to have her in my bridal party.. but it just doesnt feel right. She doesnt call, text, or even email me and she thinks this is all stupid ( becasue it isnt about her). 

I need to figure out what to do.. becasue these are the two women that are supposed to be helping me the most. But they just dont care.

What should I do?! Should I tell them how I feel? Should I just ignore their behavior and suck it up?! 

erbear84

They don't HAVE to help you with anything.  And if you already asked them, you can't unask them to be in your wedding.  I will say I was in a similar position with my older sister (she's 17 years older than I am) but I held my ground and she's not in my wedding.  If you haven't asked yet (although it sounds like you have), I wouldn't ask her.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:beb0ce1d-deee-4764-9ffc-013aa164c054">maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, let me start by saying that my best friend since 2006 is my maid of honor and my 15-years-older-than-me sister is my maitron of honor... and I'm at a complete loss with both of them. My Maid of honor really has no interest or drive to help me. She is too wrapped up in her own boyfriend and her own life to really care. I have been best friend with her almost 7 years- but as of lately we have drifted apart. We still love eachother but its so much different. My maitron of honor is my sister, and we barely have a realtionship what so ever. When she got married I wsa her flower girl, and at that time we were best friends. I always looked up to her and she was my hero. Now... 15 years later... we barely talk. She is overly jealous of what I have and is as cold as ice. I have been told that i "HAVE" to have her in my bridal party.. but it just doesnt feel right. She doesnt call, text, or even email me and she thinks this is all stupid ( becasue it isnt about her).  I need to figure out what to do..<strong> becasue these are the two women that are supposed to be helping me the most.</strong> But they just dont care. What should I do?! Should I tell them how I feel? Should I just ignore their behavior and suck it up?! 
Posted by LindsayMarieLayton[/QUOTE]

No.  These are the two women that you love the most in the world and want to honor. That's the point of the MOH, not free labor. If you really need the help that badly, enlist your FI, hire someone, or scale back your plans to something you can handle. Not falling all over oneself about someone else's life changes is not a capital offense.

Perhaps you might try working on repairing the relationships here rather than lamenting that they're not paying enough attention to you.

znd13

If it were I, then I would probably just let it be, and hope that they snap out of it. And if they don't then just do everything myself. Or inlist a bridesmaid to help. That is just because I hate fights and confrontations. If you are the type to keep it all in and then blow up one day, I would confront them now, before you get upset. That's my little ol'e opinion. :-)

LindsayMarieLayton

the thing is.... If they are too wrapped up in their own lives and have no interest in helping me.. why should I "honor them"? Thats where I am lost.. 

and as for me saying " they should be helping me the most" I wasnt refering to them providing free labor. I was simple stating that they should be in the loop, which their not. 

yellowrose314

Did you ever stop to think that maybe they're BUSY in their own lives? The world doesn't revolve around you and your wedding, contrary to what you believe. They don't HAVE to help you with anything, all they have to do is show up sober, in the designated dress and possible hold your flowers for you while you say your vows.

These are important people in your life (at least the first one seems to be), and you're honoring them by asking them to be there with you, beside you, on one of the biggest days of your life. If they want to help you and listen to you rattle on and complain about various aspects of the wedding planning, then great. But they aren't required to. Not to mention that you're over a year away from the wedding, and you don't have a hellova lot to do right now; you probably shouldn't have even picked attendents yet.

Maybe try talking to them about something that doesn't involve the wedding for a change. Try not to be so self-centered...

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:6dd74006-3c41-4013-891f-ef881c530772">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>the thing is.... If they are too wrapped up in their own lives and have no interest in helping me.. why should I "honor them"?</strong> Thats where I am lost..  and as for me saying " they should be helping me the most" I wasnt refering to them providing free labor. I was simple stating that they should be in the loop, which their not. 
Posted by LindsayMarieLayton[/QUOTE]

Because "what have you done for me lately" is a terrible way to define a relationship.

The only things they absolutely need to know are the details about the dress and where they need to be for the ceremony and rehearsal.  That's it.  If they're not interested in the other details, that's fine.  Some people just aren't into weddings, no matter how much they like you or how happy they are for you.  They can still perform their required duties (agree upon and purchase a dress, show up relatively sober, walk and smile) without knowing in advance what kinds of flowers you'll be using or how you came to decide on a DJ.

Being in your wedding isn't going to magically change what your relationships have become.  They still are who they are.  You'll be happiest if you can accept that and adjust your expectations accordingly.  Who knows, once the wedding gets closer, they might take more of an interest, especially if you take a proactive interest in what's going on in their lives.

banana468

Is the date in your wedding correct?   It looks like your wedding date is over a  year away!

The things that your MsOH would do traditionally (although not required) don't even occur until you're at the 6 mo and under mark.  In the meantime, the rest of the stuff you'll do with your FI.

Here's the thing: The answer to "Why should I honor them" is not based on what they're doing for you for your wedding.   It's in where have these people been throughout your life.  THAT is why you honor them.    You don't ask someone to be a MOH under the guise that they're going to want to help you the most.

Also, be careful with getting your friends and family into wedding overload too early.  You're the engaged one and along with your FI, the two of you get to obsess over the minuntiae.   If you start talking about wedding stuff with them nonstop now, by the time your wedding arrives, it's going to be an event that they just want to be over rather than one that they're looking forward to attending.

Take a step back, make a bath and put the wedding planning on hold.   Then when you want to bring someone into the loop, make sure it's your FI.  In the meantime, talk to those people about THEIR lives.   Just because they're not the ones planning a wedding hardly means that what they're doing is trivial.  

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:6dd74006-3c41-4013-891f-ef881c530772">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]the thing is.... If they are too wrapped up in their own lives and have no interest in helping me.. why should I "honor them"? Thats where I am lost..  and as for me saying " they should be helping me the most" I wasnt refering to them providing free labor. I was simple stating that they should be in the loop, which their not. 
Posted by LindsayMarieLayton[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not trying to be rude, but what should they "be in the loop about"?   If your wedding date is correct, they don't even need to be thinking about getting dresses yet.  Many people have the illusion that BMs and MOHs have to help with projects like making favors or addressing invitations or going dress shopping.  They don't have to do any of these things.  Your wedding probably isn't even their radar yet, and rightly so.  </div>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:6dd74006-3c41-4013-891f-ef881c530772">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]the thing is.... If they are too wrapped up in their own lives and have no interest in helping me.. why should I "honor them"? Thats where I am lost..  and as for me saying " they should be helping me the most" I wasnt refering to them providing free labor. I was simple stating that they should be in the loop, which their not. 
Posted by LindsayMarieLayton[/QUOTE]

<div>They should be wrapped up in their own lives!  They are their lives.  You chose to honor them as your closest friends.  If you didn't want to, you didn't have to ask them.  You chose to ask them because you wanted to honor those relationships.  No one assigned you your WP; you asked them.  </div><div>
</div><div>Why should they be in the loop?  This isn't their wedding.  Why would they need to know about your wedding planning?  </div>

LindsayMarieLayton

You are all so completely rude. I didnt come here to be ridiculed by you all. And no, my date is not correct. I am getting married in Feb. I wanted advice on how I could talk to them about maybe helping me with some stuff,like.... MAYBE MAKING TIME TO PICK OUT A DAMN BRIDESMAIDS DRESS.. I'm not asking them to make my wedding their number one priority.

Why dont you all take a step back and try to help the person asking the quetion, rather than basically telling the question asker that she is an over demanding bi*ch.

Thanks for all of your responses, but none of them ment a thing. 

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:c2598587-5481-4cae-84a6-34b01a063f0e">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You are all so completely rude. I didnt come here to be ridiculed by you all. And no, my date is not correct. I am getting married in Feb. I wanted advice on how I could talk to them about maybe helping me with some stuff,like.... MAYBE MAKING TIME TO PICK OUT A DAMN BRIDESMAIDS DRESS.. I'm not asking them to make my wedding their number one priority. Why dont you all take a step back and try to help the person asking the quetion, rather than basically telling the question asker that she is an over demanding bi*ch. Thanks for all of your responses, but none of them ment a thing. 
Posted by LindsayMarieLayton[/QUOTE]



If you are so concerned about a dress, you are free to just pick it yourself, as long as you adhere to their budgetary constraints.

People are trying to help you. Sometimes those outside a situation have the best perspective. I think you should try to consider why so many people are telling you the same thing (relax, they don't need to help you if they dont have time, etc). Maybe it is because PPs are correct.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:c2598587-5481-4cae-84a6-34b01a063f0e">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You are all so completely rude. I didnt come here to be ridiculed by you all. And no, my date is not correct. I am getting married in Feb. I wanted advice on how I could talk to them about maybe helping me with some stuff,like.... MAYBE MAKING TIME TO PICK OUT A DAMN BRIDESMAIDS DRESS.. I'm not asking them to make my wedding their number one priority. Why dont you all take a step back and try to help the person asking the quetion, rather than basically telling the question asker that she is an over demanding bi*ch. Thanks for all of your responses, but none of them ment a thing. 
Posted by LindsayMarieLayton[/QUOTE]

You didn't indicate that you're having trouble trying to schedule dress shopping.  Your initial post just says that they don't care and aren't helping.  If specific information was relevant, you should have provided it.  We're not psychic, and you can't complain that we didn't answer a question when you never asked it in the first place.

They don't all have to go dress shopping together, especially if they're busy with their own stuff and don't have time.  You can all look at some pictures online and ask them to go try on some of the candidates when they get a chance. If the whole process is proving too much of a hassle, you can just give them some color and length guidelines and let them choose their own. Let me tell you, asking my girls to wear any black dress they wanted made life infinitely easier for all of us.

I still get the impression that you have the wrong expectations of what this process is supposed to be, and that you're hung up on the idea that the things happening in your life should be more important to them than the things happening in theirs.

libby2483

First, you need to privately ask each girl's budget. Then, you need to decide if you are going to pick a color and a designer and have each girl choose a dress. Or you could just choose a dress within their budget. Or you could narrow it down and choose with your BMs help from there. Once you have this figured out, then just call each girl and find a time when they can come shopping.

banana468

Please be careful with the name calling!

To the OP, if your date is incorrect then please change it in TK's system.

In the meantime, be aware that people can only post based on what you write. Nothing about your first two posts stated anything along the lines of, "I need to make a time to go BM dress shopping and they won't get back to me."

Call them up.  Tell them that with about 6 mo to go it's time to go shopping but before you do, you'd like to make sure that you look with their budgets in mind.   Have each person tell you her budget and then see what days work for them and pick one.

And then watch your tone.   After your third post I can't imagine many people running back to you on the board saying, "Oh why didn't you TELL me that?!"  Your snippy response was rude and to say that the responses to your didn't merit a thing is completely false.

Seriously.  Take my advice.  Make a bath.   Lather.  Rinse.  And repeat until you've washed away the attitude.

zitiqueen

I'll bet you think everybody is jealous of you, don't you, Princess?

LindsayMarieLayton

youre all so awesome Thanks so much for your help and I truly do appreciate it.

Fancypantsamy

You know, I've stayed pretty mellow about this whole wedding thing, and now that I'm two months away, people have started remarking about how awesome I've been through the whole process. I didn't really get it, I mean I just hired a florist and picked a venue, it's not rocket science.

And then I come on here and read all this girl's ranting, and I get it. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, OP. 

divap08

I'm kinda going through the same thing. I think you should definitely need to confront them before it's too late. There are many things that you will need help with, as I am experiencing right now. If nothing changes you will need to rethinkg about who you maitron & maid of honor will be.

Fancypantsamy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:213c9bef-5935-4272-b131-185ec2a73f9b">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm kinda going through the same thing. I think you should definitely need to confront them before it's too late. There are many things that you will need help with, as I am experiencing right now. If nothing changes you will need to rethinkg about who you maitron & maid of honor will be.
Posted by divap08[/QUOTE]

<div>This is horrible advice. Planning a wedding is not that hard, and it's not anyone's job except yours and your FI's. If other people want to help, that's great, but your WP is not hired help. </div><div>
</div><div>You've got over 11 months to plan your wedding, Diva. If you cant put together a party in 11 months - you're either overshooting what's actually possible, or you're an extremely incapable person.</div><div>
</div><div>My WP is spread out across the US and Canada - FI and I have had zero help with anything and we've been DIYing things. It's really not that hard to plan a wedding once you get off your high horse. </div>

divap08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:1ccc75c4-8301-464e-b0a1-6851c3c1eb2c">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : This is horrible advice. Planning a wedding is not that hard, and it's not anyone's job except yours and your FI's. If other people want to help, that's great, but your WP is not hired help.  You've got over 11 months to plan your wedding, Diva. If you cant put together a party in 11 months - you're either overshooting what's actually possible, or you're an extremely incapable person. My WP is spread out across the US and Canada - FI and I have had zero help with anything and we've been DIYing things. It's really not that hard to plan a wedding once you get off your high horse. 
Posted by Fancypantsamy[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Since you live upstate NY where there is clearly nothing to do. I am sure you have 24 hours a day to plan your wedding with your fiance. The fact that my opinion is not the same as yours makes it horrible MS. FANCYPANTS? The bottom line is this woman clearly needs help like 90% of American woman who are planning a wedding, who in fact join website's like THEKNOT.COM to interact with other brides for help and advice. Is this making sense to you? Am I being clear enough? If not let me make myself clear. </div><div>
</div><div>A maid/ matron of honor in my opinion AND I REPEAT IN MY OPINION should be there to help in some way shape or form. Whether it is a 5 minute conversation or simply going to visit a local florist for potential center pieces. You can choose to agree or disagree. Doesn't change my perspective.</div><div>
</div><div>How dare you claim that I am incapable of planning a wedding. You seem to think you know me. Who the hell do you think you are?  Unlike many Americans who are unemployed perhaps just like you. I work full time and attend class for a second graduate degree. Perhaps I should hire you since you have a lot of time on your hands? I'm sure you could use the financial help!</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Know your role FANCYPANTS! I didn't ask for your advice. Next time respond to the person who asked for help. Thank you!</div>

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:f67469a0-71bc-4f26-915e-7a20b54558f9">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : Since you live upstate NY where there is clearly nothing to do. I am sure you have 24 hours a day to plan your wedding with your fiance. The fact that my opinion is not the same as yours makes it horrible MS. FANCYPANTS? The bottom line is this woman clearly needs help like 90% of American woman who are planning a wedding, who in fact join website's like THEKNOT.COM to interact with other brides for help and advice. Is this making sense to you? Am I being clear enough? If not let me make myself clear.  A maid/ matron of honor in my opinion AND I REPEAT IN MY OPINION should be there to help in some way shape or form. Whether it is a 5 minute conversation or simply going to visit a local florist for potential center pieces. You can choose to agree or disagree. Doesn't change my perspective. How dare you claim that I am incapable of planning a wedding. You seem to think you know me. Who the hell do you think you are?  Unlike many Americans who are unemployed perhaps just like you. I work full time and attend class for a second graduate degree. Perhaps I should hire you since you have a lot of time on your hands? I'm sure you could use the financial help! Know your role FANCYPANTS! I didn't ask for your advice. Next time respond to the person who asked for help. Thank you!
Posted by divap08[/QUOTE]

Wow, how incredibly rude. She's absolutely right, the only person required to help you plan your wedding is your FI. If you can't handle planning a six hour party on your own or just the two of you, hire someone or scale the plans back to something you can handle. It's nice for other people to pitch in if they wish, but it doesn't make them bad attendants, bad friends, or bad people if they're not willing or able.

Seriously, this response was way out of line.  You don't have the necessary perspective to be able to give advice to the OP, especially when your advice is, "Go ahead and ruin your friendships because these people have the audacity to have lives centered on anything other than you.  No matter what your actual age, both posts in this thread indicate that you have all the maturity of a pre-teen.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:f67469a0-71bc-4f26-915e-7a20b54558f9">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : Since you live upstate NY where there is clearly nothing to do. I am sure you have 24 hours a day to plan your wedding with your fiance. The fact that my opinion is not the same as yours makes it horrible MS. FANCYPANTS? The bottom line is this woman clearly needs help like 90% of American woman who are planning a wedding, who in fact join website's like THEKNOT.COM to interact with other brides for help and advice. Is this making sense to you? Am I being clear enough? If not let me make myself clear.  A maid/ matron of honor in my opinion AND I REPEAT IN MY OPINION should be there to help in some way shape or form. Whether it is a 5 minute conversation or simply going to visit a local florist for potential center pieces. You can choose to agree or disagree. Doesn't change my perspective. How dare you claim that I am incapable of planning a wedding. You seem to think you know me. Who the hell do you think you are?  Unlike many Americans who are unemployed perhaps just like you. I work full time and attend class for a second graduate degree. Perhaps I should hire you since you have a lot of time on your hands? I'm sure you could use the financial help! Know your role FANCYPANTS! I didn't ask for your advice. Next time respond to the person who asked for help. Thank you!
Posted by divap08[/QUOTE]

Respond that way again and the ban button will be hit.

Fancypantsamy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:f67469a0-71bc-4f26-915e-7a20b54558f9">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : Since you live upstate NY where there is clearly nothing to do. I am sure you have 24 hours a day to plan your wedding with your fiance. The fact that my opinion is not the same as yours makes it horrible MS. FANCYPANTS? The bottom line is this woman clearly needs help like 90% of American woman who are planning a wedding, who in fact join website's like THEKNOT.COM to interact with other brides for help and advice. Is this making sense to you? Am I being clear enough? If not let me make myself clear.  A maid/ matron of honor in my opinion AND I REPEAT IN MY OPINION should be there to help in some way shape or form. Whether it is a 5 minute conversation or simply going to visit a local florist for potential center pieces. You can choose to agree or disagree. Doesn't change my perspective. How dare you claim that I am incapable of planning a wedding. <strong>You seem to think you know me.</strong> Who the hell do you think you are?  Unlike many Americans who are unemployed perhaps just like you. I work full time and attend class for a second graduate degree. Perhaps I should hire you since you have a lot of time on your hands? I'm sure you could use the financial help! Know your role FANCYPANTS! I didn't ask for your advice. Next time respond to the person who asked for help. Thank you!
Posted by divap08[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I hope that felt good. Have fun in the divorce court someday, because you're completely irrational and if you can't plan a wedding and not loose your crap on everyone, including strangers on the internet, marriage is going to be pretty hard for you. Grow up. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>P.S. I'm getting married in Upstate because it's pretty, but I live in Manhattan and work in Film production. But I'm glad you got your moment to brag that you live in the outer bouroughs and work. Good for you. Glad you can yell at me for seeming to think I know you, yet you made a lot of major assumptions about me. 

</div>

shine882007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:1ccc75c4-8301-464e-b0a1-6851c3c1eb2c">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : This is horrible advice. <strong>Planning a wedding is not that hard, and it's not anyone's job except yours and your FI's.</strong> If other people want to help, that's great, but your WP is not hired help.  You've got over 11 months to plan your wedding, Diva. If you cant put together a party in 11 months - you're either overshooting what's actually possible, or you're an extremely incapable person. My WP is spread out across the US and Canada - FI and I have had zero help with anything and we've been DIYing things. It's really not that hard to plan a wedding once you get off your high horse. 
Posted by Fancypantsamy[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>THIS.  I do not understand the rationality of people who expect their bridal party to help.  The planning should be done by the bride and the groom.  Where are these women's FI's?????</div><div>
</div><div>Personally, FI is getting more excited about the plans than I am.  He is so involved, and its because he cares about the day as well... as he SHOULD! </div>

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:58c8d02f-ffee-42f8-b3f4-cfafb54cebfc">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : THIS.  I do not understand the rationality of people who expect their bridal party to help.  The planning should be done by the bride and the groom.  Where are these women's FI's????? Personally, FI is getting more excited about the plans than I am.  He is so involved, and its because he cares about the day as well... as he SHOULD! 
Posted by shine882007[/QUOTE]
DH was deeply involved in the planning, including taking point and providing the ideas for several major decisions (like the menu and the color scheme).  Even when it wasn't something that interested him, this was something we were doing together and he wasn't going to leave me out to dry.  It's conventional wisdom that planning a wedding is the first glimpse you get at how you tackle joint projects together; if your partner is pushing it off on you because it's not something he enjoys, beware.  Those behaviors don't change.

Fancypantsamy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-and-matron-of-honor-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2afa564f-4fb7-447f-a15c-9edb4adfeaafPost:785ebc4a-e5c0-4e96-88f0-8399d42081cc">Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: maid of honor and matron of honor dilemma!! : DH was deeply involved in the planning, including taking point and providing the ideas for several major decisions (like the menu and the color scheme).  Even when it wasn't something that interested him, this was something we were doing together and he wasn't going to leave me out to dry.  <strong>It's conventional wisdom that planning a wedding is the first glimpse you get at how you tackle joint projects together</strong>; if your partner is pushing it off on you because it's not something he enjoys, beware.  Those behaviors don't change.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>I have loved every minute of planning my wedding with my FI - I only thought we were great together when we got engaged. You'd think after 3 and a half years and some time cohabitating you'd be all set, but we've learned so much through the process. His parents got pushy about a few things, but we dealt with it, and I feel so much respect for him seeing how he values our decision making process as a couple. My mother had problems with us not getting married in the church, but we spent time solidiftying how we feel as a couple about religion.</div><div>
</div><div>Doing all of these things together has me at the point where I look back at myself the night I proposed and I think "wow, I only thought I loved him then!" - I mean sure, it's been fun chatting weddings with my BMs and my mom, and doing things like going dress shopping with them. But at the end of it all, it's really going to be a creation of FI and my doing, and I'm so proud of that. </div>