Wedding Party

Mother/Son Dance with No Father/Daughter dance

We are getting married in May 2012.  I lost my father when I was 10 yrs old, and although it is not a secret, it is not something that need to LOOM over the day.  One of my brothers will be walking me down the isle, and we are doing a remembrance table - But I don't want anything resembling a Father/Daughter dance.
My Fiance's mother still calls him "Baby boy" and although she is honsestly happy about the wedding, I don't think she will be ok with not having a Mother/Son dance.  Just doing a Mother/Son dance seems like it would point to the fact that my dad isn't there, so we decided not do anything.  How do we bring this up to my FMIL? I hope she will understand, but I don't want her to regret not having that moment with her son....
HELP!

Re: Mother/Son Dance with No Father/Daughter dance

  • TiffannieFTiffannieF member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited January 2012
    edie and jcb have some good ideas.

    My mother passed away 3 years ago, 8 months before my brother's wedding.  He didn't get a M/S dance but his bride did have F/D dance and he smiled the entire time.  My aunt asked if he would like to dance with her in place of my mother but he didn't feel so comfortable with it and politely declined.  Even after 8 months of our mother's passing her absence didn't "loom" his wedding day.  I was married last November.  I was very close with my mother until she passed away.  I thought I would break down on my wedding day with my mom not there but I trooped through it. 

    The point of this, I think you will be surprised about how much the absence of a parent will not "loom" on your wedding day.  Afterall the wedding is about the joining/marriage of you and your FI.  This was something I had to constantly remind myself.  Although I did cry in the morning of, I didn't cry at any other time of the day (even those "special" MOB moments).  Even when my uncle made a speech talking about her I pulled through it.

    I share all of this because I think its important to consider your FMIL who will be your family on that day.  You could talk to her and she might be willing to sacrifice it for you but REALLY think about it.  No matter what you will never get your F/D dance but she does have an opportunity to have a M/S dance (I'm SUPER sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean to be inconsiderate).  Don't under estimate the power of how "high" you will be on your wedding day and how much that will over come your grief of your father's absence.
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  • edited January 2012
    I don't think it would be weird for you to have the mother/son dance without the father/daugher dance. This is what FI and I will be doing. He and his mother are very close, and I couldn't imagine them not being able to partake in that. As you've said, most people know your father is deceased, so it's not like they'll be wondering why you're not having a father/daughter dance.
  • Thanks Tifannie!  Those points are all excellent, and gave me alot to think about.  Sorry about your loss!
  • Thank you.  I'm happy that you read that with an open mind....I was worried it would come off bad, but I meant it with sincerity. 
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  • My dad died when I was 16, so I am dancing with my grandpa, who is also walking me down the aisle. You could dance with your brother, or we were at a wedding where the bride danced with her mom. 

    If missing that moment with your dad it is something that would upset you, I would consider skipping those dances altogether. I would like to think that your fiances mom would understand why that would be hard for you. 
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  • OP, i'm sorry for your loss.  That said, I think CMGr is on the right track here - yes, having a M/S dance will remind some people of why you're not having a F/D dance, but it won't really turn into a big deal.  I was at a wedding where this happened (bride's dad had passed, so they only did the M/S dance) and no one mentioned it.  I understand that you may feel a bit sad thinking about it, but I don't think having one dance without the other will "point to" your dad's passing anymore than having a remembrance table or having your brother walk you down the aisle will.
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  • MH list his mom a few years ago. I danced with my dad at our wedding. MH was fine with it, and he didn't choose to dance with anyone else or do anything to replace the dance. None of the guests commented on it. Sorry for your loss. But please don't tell your FMIL that she's not allowed to dance with her son because if it. If you think you might be too emotional, go talk quietly with your family during their dance or something.
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  • Yeah if it's important to your fiance and his mother, go talk to your family as pp suggested or do something else to distract yourself if you think you might feel wistful...people who can remember your father might be especially supportive of you at that time.  With what you're describing, people should realize that your father passed away (if they didn't already know) and it won't seem weird to have just a mother/son dance.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_motherson-dance-fatherdaughter-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2b888444-d53d-4d6b-996d-1c30989cad55Post:77cdd4c3-0b2c-4d4b-94ca-b535205b0453">Re: Mother/Son Dance with No Father/Daughter dance</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mother/Son Dance with No Father/Daughter dance : I highly doubt somebody could accomplish this in one dance. 
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    You have no idea. She hijacked her friend's 25th wedding anniversary party, and made it all about her.... even though her 25th was 2 years prior. We already deal with her trying to make our plans fit what she wants.
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