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Bossy MOH

Hi Girls, My MOH is turning out to be bossy and critical. She has complained about me inviting kids to my wedding, she's tried to tell me what jewelry to pick for the maids to make sure it's something she will wear again, she's criticized my reception ideas, you name it. She even asked me to pay to hold my engagement party at a restaurant instead of someone's house because she's allergic to cats, and she asked to bring a date (who we don't know) even though it's a small wedding and I told her none of the single people were bringing dates. She's my best friend and I asked her to be my maid of honor because of her attention to detail, but I'm getting fed up with her. She's acting like it's her day and not mine. I'm not enjoying my time with her like I thought I would. She has a strong personality and I don't know  how to talk to her about this. Any advice?

Re: Bossy MOH

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bossy-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2bb0cb48-13dd-4453-b56b-d04a8ac415e2Post:d09b135a-5f83-4b39-a753-0cc2d8473b65">Bossy MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Girls, My MOH is turning out to be bossy and critical. She has complained about me inviting kids to my wedding, she's tried to tell me what jewelry to pick for the maids to make sure it's something she will wear again, she's criticized my reception ideas, you name it. She even asked me to pay to hold my engagement party at a restaurant instead of someone's house because she's allergic to cats, and she asked to bring a date (who we don't know) even though it's a small wedding and I told her none of the single people were bringing dates. She's my best friend and I asked her to be my maid of honor because of her attention to detail, but I'm getting fed up with her. She's acting like it's her day and not mine. I'm not enjoying my time with her like I thought I would. She has a strong personality and I don't know how to talk to her about this. Any advice?
    Posted by laceyaurorabelle[/QUOTE]

    Just don't bring up wedding details with her.  If you don't want her opinion, just avoid talking about it with her.  If she insists, tell her you are very happy with your plans, and she can keep her ideas in mind for when it's her turn. 

    The jewelry thing she may have a point--unless you are buying it for them, why not just let them pick it out themselves?  They will still look very nice.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    She has complained about me inviting kids to my wedding

    If she has children, tell her she's free to leave them with a sitter. Otherwise, just say, "Mmm, sorry you feel that way," and change the subject or walk away.

    she's tried to tell me what jewelry to pick for the maids to make sure it's something she will wear again

    Let them wear their own jewelry. Problem solved.

    she's criticized my reception ideas

    If they affect your guests' comfort or enjoyment (you're having a cash bar, you're not providing seats for every single guest, it's outdoors and you have no backup indoor plan for rain, no vegetarian option and you know there will be vegetarian guests there), then she may have a point.

    If it's something that won't affect her or your other guests (your color scheme, the chair covers you picked, the cake topper, etc.), just say, "Mmm, sorry you feel that way," and change the subject or walk away.
     
    She even asked me to pay to hold my engagement party at a restaurant instead of someone's house because she's allergic to cats


    Well, if she's allergic to cats then she'd probably be pretty miserable at a cat owner's house. Still, you're not obligated to pay for a restaurant party if you wouldn't otherwise have a restaurant party. But you also can't complain if she leaves the house early or doesn't come at all. Just say, "I'm really sorry about the cat, but we can't afford to pay for a location. If being there will make you sick, I totally understand if you won't be able to come."

    and she asked to bring a date (who we don't know) even though it's a small wedding and I told her none of the single people were bringing dates.


    If she's dating someone seriously, then you SHOULD be inviting this person. It doesn't matter if you've met him or not.

    If she just wants to bring a random date ... well, you have the right not to extend dates to single people, but it's also considerate to at least extend dates to the bridal party members. They are shelling out a lot of time and money to be in your wedding, so it'd be nice to allow them to bring a date if you can possibly afford it.

    She's my best friend and I asked her to be my maid of honor because of her attention to detail, but I'm getting fed up with her. She's acting like it's her day and not mine. I'm not enjoying my time with her like I thought I would. She has a strong personality and I don't know how to talk to her about this. Any advice?


    You shouldn't have picked her because of her "attention to detail." It's not her job to handle the details of your wedding planning. And it also sounds like you've known all along that she likes to give her own opinion all the time, so you surely must have seen this coming. She won't change just because you're getting married.

    If you have your heart set on her helping you plan according to YOUR wishes, then you will likely be disappointed. Your complaints show that she really *has* been thinking of the "details," but it seems like you're upset because the details aren't 100% about you.

    Yeah, she seems like a complainer, but you also need to bend a bit on a few things that you've mentioned here.

    You also need to lose the idea that anyone who isn't totally focused on you and your wedding is a lousy friend. If her attitude wasn't enough to bother you before you asked her to be your MOH, then it shouldn't be making a difference now that you're planning a wedding. Accept her for who she is ... and either deal with it ... or stop sharing wedding details with her so that she can't criticize them.
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    Another hearty "ditto" for malphabet.  Honestly, from what you've described, she doesn't sound out of line.  People with allergies generally don't like hanging around cats (and you shouldn't be hosting your own engagement party anyway); I wouldn't want you to waste your money on jewelry that's just going to end up in my junk drawer or going to Goodwill; WP members are usually invited with dates even if other single guests are not as a courtesy.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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