Difficult MOH

Mousemouse

My MOH has been really difficult to work with in the last few months. She is rude to the other bridesmaids and short with me. She took control of planning the bridal shower but then refused to spend any money, asking the other bridesmaids to bear the majority of the financial and work burden of planning and all four of them have complained to me about her behavior. 

Where do I go from here? I've already spoken to her once about being nicer to the other girls and being more collaborative. What do I do now?

mbcdefg

Has she always been like this? Or is this new behavior for her?

Why is she in contact with your other bridesmaids? Aside from the shower, I mean. There's really no reason why they "need" to be getting together before your wedding day. And even then, they don't even have to speak, technically. They're all there to wear a dress and stand up in the ceremony.

What happens with the shower is none of your business. It is not your job to play peacemaker between the bridesmaids, and it was wrong of them to come complaining to you about it. They're all adults, so they can stand up to her if they feel she's out of line. She wasn't holding a gun to their heads for them to follow her directions, right? If she was barking orders but not paying for anything, they didn't have to listen to her. She is not automatically in charge just because she's the MOH.

If the other BMs come to you complaining about money or being bossy, just say, "It's really a faux pas for the bride to get involved in the shower. Please leave me out of it and settle it yourselves."

If you see her actually act rude to someone in your presence, just say, "Don't speak to Sally that way." If she persists, ask her to leave.

But, again, there's really no reason why they need to be hanging out before the wedding. If this happens during dress shopping/fittings, there's no reason why they all need to go together (or, in the case of fittings, why you need to be there to supervise). Just let them all go on their own time.

If you're getting them together for meetings, or to help you with plans, there is absolutely no need for that. And if you DO want to ask for help and they're kind enough to agree, that's fine, but there's zero reason why they ALL need to be there at once.

You can absolutely ask her to be nice to people, but I don't get what you mean by being "collaborative." They're not there to be doing work.