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pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!

Ok so I know people often get crucified on here for being upset about preggers BMs.

Let me start off by saying I am not, nor have I ever been upset about her pregnancy.  I am overjoyed!

Here is the issue - she will be 36 weeks and 6 days at my wedding.  She and her husband live in MA and the wedding is in PA.  They will have to fly.  This requires a doctors note.  Also, their insurance company just informed them that if they have the baby out of state after 36 weeks, the delivery will not be covered!

So she called me and explained all this and told me that they are planning to skip the rehersal dinner and fly in early on the day of the wedding and then fly back 1/2 way through the reception.  I am totally fine with this plan except that I am so worried she will go into labor.  I would be so upset if they ended up down here and the insurance wouldn't pay for the delivery and they get stuck with some huge bill.  Not to mention that she would be with a different doctor, etc.  At the time of our discussion I told her "absolutely do whatever you feel you need to do". I reassured her that I am not upset with her at all.  She says she feels really guilty bc she knew when my wedding was before she got pregnant.  I told her do not feel guilty, that this is about her family and her health.  Of course I would miss them but I understand.

 I am wondering if I should call her and specifically tell her that I understand if she cannot make it or does not want to take the chance.  I would miss her terribly at the wedding but do you think I should tell her I don't think its a good idea?
BFP#1 10/30/2011,MC 12/4/2011 9w2d,BFP#2 3/6/2012,m/c 4/18/2012 9w1d D&E 4/18/2012 BFP#3 8/12/2012 EDD 4/25/2013 Stick baby!! Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BabyFruit Ticker
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Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!

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    What bablingbrooke said.
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    My sister/MOH was 37 weeks the day after my wedding. She came into town the week before the wedding for the bachelorette and stayed until the day after the wedding. She lives 6.5 hours away from us. They originally planned to fly (which was NO issue for any of the major airlines they contacted) because that is what their doctor preferred. My MOH drove. They had to stop every hour or two so she could walk around but everything was fine. The only reason they didn't fly was because the flights were over $800 each. Have your friend try and book a refundable direct flight (if available) as far in advance as possible. This way she can cancel if she doesn't feel safe but isn't paying a small fortune. Make sure she takes it easy at the wedding. My MOH had a safe, healthy, on time (planned c-section due to breach) delivery. 
    image
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    If she can get a direct flight, it shouldn't be more than an hour flight.  But like you said, you gave your opinion or feelings, now the rest is up to her
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:f48e934d-15ae-4b54-b5f3-3cd81389ae30">pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE] I am wondering if I should call her and specifically tell her that I understand if she cannot make it or does not want to take the chance.  I would miss her terribly at the wedding but do you think I should tell her I don't think its a good idea?
    Posted by hugz415[/QUOTE]

    It can never hurt to restate that you want to put her health and peace of mind above your wedding. It really sucks that her insurance wouldn't cover it if she went into labor while at your wedding. I think you've handled the situation well so far.
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    You are such an amazing friend! 

    Speaking from a pregnancy experence myself, let her know again how touched you are that she is considering still comming, but you really want her to think about it before she makes the final decision.  This is why:  I had a complication free pregnancy...everything went so smoothly untill I delivered.  My son had apnea, and he had to spend 6 hours in the NICU.  I also hemoraged and lost abot 1/2 of my blood.  None of this could have been seen before I gave birth.  Things happen, and be sure to tell her you would want her with her doctors if this were to happen since they know her history, AND it will be very costly if insurance didn't cover it.  There is no telling the baby "Hold on for another day or two!"

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of a cut out for pics to make her feel included.  And maybe you can stream the wedding online so she can feel like she's still there.
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    Ok, this one is quite a sticky situation. She already feels bad that she might not make it or at least she is trying to get there for half of it. I can tell that you are a great friend and understand what her and her husband is going through. I was going to suggest that if it was her dress, let her wear something with some rouching, but it's not. Thirty six weeks is cutting it close. If this is not her first, it is so true that the second or whatever number this baby is, will come fast. If you still want her to be there, I would give her another month and if the doctor is very against her traveling, accept it. I have never had that happen to me, but I had a bridesmaid who I thought was my friend who never showed up. What I did, was at the night before the wedding, I happened to have my cousin take her place. Instead of having the dress go to waste, maybe you can have a proxy. I wish you and your future husband the best!
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    My only sister was married during my 38th week.  Fortunately, they were only 4 hours from our home so we didn't need to fly.  We drove out on Friday after visiting our Dr.  She sent copies of pertinent information along with her phone number.  We mapped out the nearest hospitals and were ready for whatever.  I was made the "honorary maid of honor" posed for some very special pictures but saved the dancing for another date.  Our son was born 2 weeks after the big event but it made for some great stories.  I think contacting her and letting her know how much it means to you that she wants to be there would be great.  She is probably feeling terrible not wanting to miss this but would appreciate a call from you letting her off the hook if need be.

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    I totally understand your situation, all my bridesmaid -maid of honor will be really close to their due dates, or just will have just had their baby at the time of my wedding. We all got together and planned it this way though. They won't have to travel and we are having a short ceremony and alcohol free reception/multi baby shower/family reunion. The family all enjoyed the Idea of knocking all the big family events out at once, and the ladies feel like it will be less strain to have one really big event than 4 or 5 big events spread out. Best of luck!!
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    My matron of honour will be 38.5 weeks pregnant at my wedding.  I am hoping she will be able to make it, but have told her that we will just take whatever comes.   My fingers are crossed that she makes it to at least 39 weeks!

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    Both of my BM's are pregnant now and will have had their babies before the wedding.  However, the one lives in DC (weddings in CA), has a 2 year old as well and most dr's will not let you fly for the first 6 weeks post delivery.  She has done absolutely everything she could to work around a new born but sometimes, it just can't be done.  I agree with all the others, tell her you will miss her presence but you can't wait to see her after the wedding (and birth) with a healthy baby in her arms.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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    I am glad to see you are concerned and so selfless for your friend! It shows your true colors (which are beautiful) and not a bride-zilla who would demand her there!

    The only suggestion I have is something I would do if my BM couldn't be there (be it illness or childbirth):: I would have another bridesmaid call her when we started the ceremony so she could hear the vows spoken. wouldn't draw focus, not make it a big deal - no fuss, just a small phone held by a maid to make her feel included. And as they walked out of the church, the groomsman who would be her partner, walked solo.

    Hope this helps,
    Beth
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    I highly advise you give her a call and give her the option of staying home. I made that attempt with a December 5th weddingin PA (from DC) and my due date was Jan 9. I am not sure how she feels now but I can assure you the weeks close to your due date you have the energy spurt but for the most part you are sore and tired AND ready to deliver feeling like a stuffed turkey! With the healthcare costs (unless they dont feel its a real concern) can amount to alot.
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    I think all you ladies are terrific. I have to say I wish I felt the same conpassion you all do... I have a BM that will be 5 weeks away from her due date at the wedding, and if I had known all the inconveniences she was going to cause, I would have had her sit this one out. She's been very diffiicult ordering her dress ("Who knows how big I'll be by then!"), participating in any events ("I can't do that, I'm pregnant" "You're gonna have alcohol at the bachelorette? Well then I can't come") and turns every bridesmaid get together into an all-about-me-and-baby event.

    My opinion? You're pregnant, you're not a bridesmaid. Tough and harsh to say, but really how I feel now. I'm super impressed at how supportive you've been!

    I wish you and BM great luck, I know it will all work out! :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:37159146-5512-475a-a49e-9cede5f81625">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think all you ladies are terrific. I have to say I wish I felt the same conpassion you all do... I have a BM that will be 5 weeks away from her due date at the wedding, and if I had known all the inconveniences she was going to cause, I would have had her sit this one out. She's been very diffiicult ordering her dress ("Who knows how big I'll be by then!"), participating in any events ("I can't do that, I'm pregnant" "You're gonna have alcohol at the bachelorette? Well then I can't come") and turns every bridesmaid get together into an all-about-me-and-baby event. My opinion? You're pregnant, you're not a bridesmaid. Tough and harsh to say, but really how I feel now. I'm super impressed at how supportive you've been! I wish you and BM great luck, I know it will all work out! :)
    Posted by Rache Spoodeena[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't think that most pregnant women are like that.  I have two kids, and never acted that way.  I worked retail until 3 days before I gave birth to my second, and I always had people telling me "You can't do that, you're pregnant!" and it pissed me off.  She sounds like a difficult person and the pregnancy probably doesn't have much to do with it.  </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, I'm glad that you are being a friend first and bride second.  I like all of the ideas given, especially either having the ceremony streamed online or calling her so that she can hear the ceremony.  And the cutout of her would be awesome!  

    </div>
    Video games are bad for you? That's what they said about Rock-n-Roll.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:37159146-5512-475a-a49e-9cede5f81625">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think all you ladies are terrific. I have to say I wish I felt the same conpassion you all do... I have a BM that will be 5 weeks away from her due date at the wedding, and if I had known all the inconveniences she was going to cause, I would have had her sit this one out. She's been very diffiicult ordering her dress ("Who knows how big I'll be by then!"), participating in any events ("I can't do that, I'm pregnant" "You're gonna have alcohol at the bachelorette? Well then I can't come") and turns every bridesmaid get together into an all-about-me-and-baby event. My opinion? You're pregnant, you're not a bridesmaid. Tough and harsh to say, but really how I feel now. I'm super impressed at how supportive you've been! I wish you and BM great luck, I know it will all work out! :)
    Posted by Rache Spoodeena[/QUOTE]
    Wow, aren't you a peach.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I totally understand your situation, all my bridesmaid -maid of honor will be really close to their due dates, or just will have just had their baby at the time of my wedding. We all got together and planned it this way though. They won't have to travel and we are having a short ceremony and alcohol free reception/multi baby shower/family reunion. The family all enjoyed the Idea of knocking all the big family events out at once, and the ladies feel like it will be less strain to have one really big event than 4 or 5 big events spread out. Best of luck!!

    WTF...who PLANS something like that???  I'm all for supporting a pregnant BM but avoid it at all costs!!!
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    I think you do need to call her and tell her that you're more concerned for the health of her baby, than you are for your wedding. Flying that close to the due date CAN cause serious issues. Not only with the pregnancy, but the baby iself. It doesn't happen all the time, or even most of the time, but if there's a chance, it's best she doesn't risk it. And I am so glad to hear what a caring, wonderful friend you are. Way to have your head  and heart in the right place.
    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Wedding tickers
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:36076cec-d7f0-46eb-9b2a-d1dc38026a50">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : I don't think that most pregnant women are like that.  I have two kids, and never acted that way.  I worked retail until 3 days before I gave birth to my second, and I always had people telling me "You can't do that, you're pregnant!" and it pissed me off.  She sounds like a difficult person and the pregnancy probably doesn't have much to do with it.   OP, I'm glad that you are being a friend first and bride second.  I like all of the ideas given, especially either having the ceremony streamed online or calling her so that she can hear the ceremony.  And the cutout of her would be awesome!  
    Posted by Gamette[/QUOTE]

    Wish her attitude was like yours!! :)
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:1086f69a-4ae7-4c63-8d25-c3b16d345550">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : Wow, aren't you a peach.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    And aren't you an absolute DOLL.
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    I don't have any advice for you, bc I'm in the same boat.  My sister/MOH is flying in from Germany and will be at 35 1/2 weeks by wedding day.  And she's making the cake!  My mom and I are concerned with her making it home, but she's concerned with looking "fat", "short", and "pale" next to our best friend/sister/ other MOH and me.  I do have a suspicion that my mom doesn't want her to make it back to Germany, and have her have the baby here.  There's no way to plan for all the possible things that could happen.  All we can do is wait and see.  And then...make it work!
    WasADogMom
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:37159146-5512-475a-a49e-9cede5f81625">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think all you ladies are terrific. I have to say I wish I felt the same conpassion you all do... I have a BM that will be 5 weeks away from her due date at the wedding, and if I had known all the inconveniences she was going to cause, I would have had her sit this one out. She's been very diffiicult ordering her dress ("Who knows how big I'll be by then!"), participating in any events ("I can't do that, I'm pregnant" "You're gonna have alcohol at the bachelorette? Well then I can't come") and turns every bridesmaid get together into an all-about-me-and-baby event. My opinion? You're pregnant, you're not a bridesmaid. Tough and harsh to say, but really how I feel now. I'm super impressed at how supportive you've been! I wish you and BM great luck, I know it will all work out! :)
    Posted by Rache Spoodeena[/QUOTE]

    Well have you told her how you feel...I'm certain that if you really told her that you feel her pregnancy is an <strong>inconvenience</strong> to your wedding you will find she will be more than willing to drop out of the wedding and your life.

    I know I'm not the best person in the world but I also don't know I would be here telling the world I can't show compassion for my pregnant BM. 

    This usually happens by accident, but I appreciate you honesty with us so maybe you should be honest with her.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:0649ab3b-fc01-49c1-95a8-c77821ecd392">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : Well have you told her how you feel...I'm certain that if you really told her that you feel her pregnancy is an inconvenience to your wedding you will find she will be more than willing to drop out of the wedding and your life. I know I'm not the best person in the world but I also don't know I would be here telling the world I can't show compassion for my pregnant BM.  This usually happens by accident, but I appreciate you honesty with us so maybe you should be honest with her.
    Posted by SheDiva4[/QUOTE]

    Believe it or not, I tried doing that a few months ago when she first toyed with the idea of getting pregnant... and I was actually very nice about it, telling her she's done so much, that I would never want her to exhaust herself, stress out, etc etc.. her response? Nope! I want to still be a bridesmaid, I'll still be able to do everything and be there for you 100% (pretty much her exact words). So much for that.

    Oh, and let me add this: BM is FI's sis, and this pregnancy was NO ACCIDENT. We're getting married in August, and last November she emailed me and FI and told us she's been DYING to get going with baby #2, but that would put her due on our wedding date.. would that be a problem? (aside from the fact she is a BM, her hubby is a GM and her little one is our ring boy) FI freaked, told her she was being selfish because aside from us being down a BM, GM and RB, what about their parents, were they going to spend their day stressing over our wedding and her potentially going into labour... so she said, OK, I'll wait a couple weeks. How thoughtful!

    Had it been an accident, maybe my opinion would be different. As it stands, I have zero compassion for her. If it were up to me, she never would have been a BM to begin with... but FI family would have hated me for "excluding her" so I had no choice. The least SHE could have done was said "You know what, I'm gonna be really busy, maybe I'll sit this one out..."
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:8eac00f4-45e5-455c-a58a-769b2dae83ee">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : Believe it or not, I tried doing that a few months ago when she first toyed with the idea of getting pregnant... and I was actually very nice about it, telling her she's done so much, that I would never want her to exhaust herself, stress out, etc etc.. her response? Nope! I want to still be a bridesmaid, I'll still be able to do everything and be there for you 100% (pretty much her exact words). So much for that. Oh, and let me add this: BM is FI's sis, and this pregnancy was NO ACCIDENT. We're getting married in August, and last November she emailed me and FI and told us she's been DYING to get going with baby #2, but that would put her due on our wedding date.. would that be a problem? (aside from the fact she is a BM, her hubby is a GM and her little one is our ring boy) FI freaked, told her she was being selfish because aside from us being down a BM, GM and RB, what about their parents, were they going to spend their day stressing over our wedding and her potentially going into labour... so she said, OK, I'll wait a couple weeks. How thoughtful! Had it been an accident, maybe my opinion would be different. As it stands, I have zero compassion for her. If it were up to me, she never would have been a BM to begin with... but FI family would have hated me for "excluding her" so I had no choice. The least SHE could have done was said "You know what, I'm gonna be really busy, maybe I'll sit this one out..."
    Posted by Rache Spoodeena[/QUOTE]

    Her baby trumps your wedding, deal with it.

    I understand that it would have been nice if she could have planned your pregnancy around your special day, but somehow I think that she and her husband probably took other factors like the age difference they want between their kids, their lifestyles in terms of when they can deal with a new baby, finances, seasons and a million other things into account long before your party came across their minds. And that's as it should be. Your FI should be ashamed of himself for trying to dictate his sister's family planning and calling her selfish when in fact the two of you are acting far more selfishly. Again, life /> party.

    And who's to say that she's not still giving her 100%? If you never liked her to begin with, she was probably never going to throw you a party even if she weren't pregnant. And you weren't obligated to include her, she could have stood up on your FI's side. All your posts are doing is making you sound worse and worse, I'd suggest giving it up now.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:082c5d5b-512c-4a54-915c-7a54bb7eaa0f">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : Her baby trumps your wedding, deal with it. I understand that it would have been nice if she could have planned your pregnancy around your special day, but somehow I think that she and her husband probably took other factors like the age difference they want between their kids, their lifestyles in terms of when they can deal with a new baby, finances, seasons and a million other things into account long before your party came across their minds. And that's as it should be. Your FI should be ashamed of himself for trying to dictate his sister's family planning and calling her selfish when in fact the two of you are acting far more selfishly. Again, life /> party. And who's to say that she's not still giving her 100%? If you never liked her to begin with, she was probably never going to throw you a party even if she weren't pregnant. And you weren't obligated to include her, she could have stood up on your FI's side. All your posts are doing is making you sound worse and worse, I'd suggest giving it up now.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    I really don't care how I sound, darling. Just telling you the truth. All your post did was make you sound like a snooty know it all, so congrats to that! I'd suggest you keep your opinion to yourself, mmkay? You don't have all the facts to make a proper judgment call on this, and obviously I did not give you all the deets and that's my fault. But really, no reason to get all huffy and start to tar and feather me... I want to vent, and I did. Really don't need to hear "HER BABY TRUMPS YOUR WEDDING" I get that, what YOU don't get is the fact that she refused to NOT be a bridesmaid. Because everything is all about her, she is one of those types of people. Her siblings and extended family do not like her, she has exactly 2 friends (seriously), all because she is a very, VERY selfish person. Even just a few min ago, the bridal shop called me and said she still hadn't picked up her dress (which she was supposed to do first week of May) so I emailed her to ask her why and when would she be picking it up. Her response? "Oh I've been so busy running around grabbing things for the baby, painting baby's room, can you grab it for me please?" Busy for 6 weeks? I don't think so.

    And remember: it's fun to play nice sometimes,keep that in mind, I think it's a life lesson you never learned.

    Cheers
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    I hate when girls call other women "sweetie" or "darling" when trying to insult them. If you don't like someone, don't use terms of endearment (and don't be snotty about "playing nice", but that's another point).

    Unless someone held a gun to your head and forced you to ask your FSIL to be in your WP, you brought this on yourself. She didn't "refuse NOT to be a BM" because you had already asked her, and she was under no obligation to step down. You saying it's in character for her again just makes you sound worse (again) because expecting someone to change for your wedding is unrealistic. It also sort of supports my theory that she is in fact giving her version of 100% and the baby has nothing to do with what you see as her shortcomings as a BM. Adding that you checked on her dress doesn't make her sound like a slacker BM, it makes you sound like a micromanaging bride.

    If you'd just wanted to vent, you would have posted and run. Following up implies that you think you're right and want to justify your actions.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:4c013b16-7c8e-48f2-a9fc-5858b462927c">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : I really don't care how I sound, darling. Just telling you the truth. All your post did was make you sound like a snooty know it all, so congrats to that! I'd suggest you keep your opinion to yourself, mmkay? You don't have all the facts to make a proper judgment call on this, and obviously I did not give you all the deets and that's my fault. But really, no reason to get all huffy and start to tar and feather me... I want to vent, and I did. Really don't need to hear "HER BABY TRUMPS YOUR WEDDING" I get that, what YOU don't get is the fact that she refused to NOT be a bridesmaid. Because everything is all about her, she is one of those types of people. Her siblings and extended family do not like her, she has exactly 2 friends (seriously), all because she is a very, VERY selfish person. Even just a few min ago, the bridal shop called me and said she still hadn't picked up her dress (which she was supposed to do first week of May) so I emailed her to ask her why and when would she be picking it up. Her response? "Oh I've been so busy running around grabbing things for the baby, painting baby's room, can you grab it for me please?" Busy for 6 weeks? I don't think so. And remember: it's fun to play nice sometimes,keep that in mind, I think it's a life lesson you never learned. Cheers
    Posted by Rache Spoodeena[/QUOTE]
    Buzz Lightyear said it best: You are a sad, strange little [wo]man, and you have my pity.<div>
    </div><div>Any grown woman who is threatened by a baby (or baby-in-process) has too many self-esteem issues to be getting married.</div>
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:8752234b-7700-4baa-9572-33d884b07de3">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here! : Buzz Lightyear said it best: You are a sad, strange little [wo]man, and you have my pity. Any grown woman who is threatened by a baby (or baby-in-process) has too many self-esteem issues to be getting married.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    If you say so my dear!

    It's too bad you ladies can't just let people b!tch about things. While you may not agree with how I feel in this situation, there is no need to start making assumptions that I am a sad person, and too insecure to be getting married. Let's face it, we've never met, we never will, so why do you all CARE so much about how I feel? Does it really and truly affect your life THAT MUCH?

    All I wanted to do was vent, it's unfortunate that I ruffled so many feathers. I started my original post by saying how I think all the ladies who posted before me are terrific, and that I wish I could feel the same way as them but I don't. I was never rude or mean to anyone, never said that anyone was wrong with feeling the way they did and that my opinion was correct. Could I not be saying that you girls are shallow and pathetic for taking time out of your day to insult someone you don't even know, just to make yourselves feel like you're better than a stranger? But why would I say that? It's catty and unnecessary. You all seem like smart women, why don't we all just let this go and call it a day?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_pregnant-bridesmaidnow-dont-jump-conclusions-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:2e60e95e-6b4f-438e-821e-3be8e5bc43a9Post:41256f89-c303-4539-bd1e-e50e21eb060d">Re: pregnant bridesmaid..now don't jump to conclusions here!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate when girls call other women "sweetie" or "darling" when trying to insult them. If you don't like someone, don't use terms of endearment (and don't be snotty about "playing nice", but that's another point). Unless someone held a gun to your head and forced you to ask your FSIL to be in your WP, you brought this on yourself. She didn't "refuse NOT to be a BM" because you had already asked her, and she was under no obligation to step down. You saying it's in character for her again just makes you sound worse (again) because expecting someone to change for your wedding is unrealistic. It also sort of supports my theory that she is in fact giving her version of 100% and the baby has nothing to do with what you see as her shortcomings as a BM. Adding that you checked on her dress doesn't make her sound like a slacker BM, it makes you sound like a micromanaging bride. If you'd just wanted to vent, you would have posted and run. Following up implies that you think you're right and want to justify your actions.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    Once again you make assumptions WITHOUT getting facts (you're very good at that!) I was NOT checking on her dress. I was calling to set up an appointment for my mom and the store told me I still had a BM dress that need to be picked up. Thanks for your input though my dear! You'd make one hell of a detective, with your quick jumping to conclusions and ability to base fact on assumptions! :)

    You ladies really are out to get me, and you're deep diving trying to find anything to use against me. Let's just call it a day.
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    hugz415 - I think that you have done what you need to do. You have let your friend know that you understand and will love her no matter what happens. That is the best thing you can do. I was in a some what related situation. My friend was getting married, her best friend (who knew about the wedding for a year) told her, 1 month before the wedding, that she was not going to be able to make it after all. My friend asked me to step in, I accepted, her friend ended up showing up at the wedding. Her friend understood the replacement and was perfectly fine. I think that if your friend decides that she cannot make it and you have a replacement, she will understand.

    Rache Spoodeena - I think that based on the information that you provided through all commentary, you are justified in feeling the way that you do. Some people can be very selfish, especially when their siblings are involved and they are used to getting all of the attention. I'm not against BMs being pregnant in weddings, more concerned with their health (i'm a nurse). But, if one of my girls was going to be pregnant for my wedding I would probably ask them to sit it out, out of concern for their health. It can be difficult on them standing for extended periods of time and if there is a lot of walking involved, it can induce labor. Maybe that is something that you and your FI could discuss? Only a suggestion. If you want to respond to me, that's cool but I wouldn't give the other women any more thoughts. They are not in your shoes and replying to them is only feeding the fire. You are just in your feelings and opinions, don't let them try to tear you apart for your feelings. :o)
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    I had asked all of my bridesmaids and MOH to be two days after I got engaged 14 months ago.  I told them the date, they agreed.  Two of my bridesmaids got pregnant.  One a month after I asked her, so her being pregnant at my wedding was not a concern.  The other one got pregnant a few months later and SURPRISE her due date is the same as my wedding date.  I told her that she can back out, since she would be coming from texas and I am getting married in minnesota.  Her exact words were "HELL NO GIRL, I AM GOING TO BE THERE!!!"   I told her ok then, since she is from MN and had no issues with having her kid here.  I did this knowing that she is pregnant WITH TWINS again and that she would more than likely have them late, like she did with her 2 other sets of twins.  This is one tough girl, she worked as a cook, until the DAY she went into labor. 
    Whatever she wants to do, I support her.  She know that she doesn't need to be here and that I have a replacement for her if she can't make it.  I HAVE NO PROBLEMS IF SHE GOES INTO LABOR AT MY WEDDING, AS IT WOULD BE A GREAT STORY!!!

    Just support your friend and let her make her own decisions as she is an adult..
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