Wedding Party
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Groomsman issue...

Hi -

The FI has a GM whom I am somewhat concerned about. In a nutshell, he has a serious  drinking problem (his business... unless it's our wedding day). My concern is he will show up to the ceremony completely inebriated and that is not acceptable to me.... Needless to say, he acts like an imbecile when he's had too much (again, I don't have to deal with him all that often and not really my problem on a normal day), but I am fearful he'll behave this way when it's time for our wedding.  I've expressed concern to my FI and told him I want to have a convo with him (letting him know, we'd love to have him stand up there, but if he's going to drink before or excessively, I cannot have it).  My FI is not happy about this.. I think this is our day, our pictures (very telling), etc.  He (FI) thinks it'll ruin their friendship... I do not want that for my FI at all, but I also don't want to be fearful of this.  BTW - the guy is almost 40 years old!!  Any suggestions? TIA
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Re: Groomsman issue...

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    I feel like this is FI's issue to deal with.  Is FI worried that he'll get drunk?  He probably knows his friend and knows that he wouldn't/would do that. 

    Besides I'm not sure how being drunk in pictures would be noticeable unless he was falling down.
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    Sapphire1002Sapphire1002 member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    I don't think the FI is as worried as I am...   Well, I wanted him to handle it and then the worry came in that he'd lose his friendship.  For the record - I have often seen him falling down drunk. ..and I've had to take care of him... not uncommon. :(
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    I agree with the others that it's going to be your FI's place to tell him that he has to be sober for the ceremony.  Having said that, I would have no problem having someone (you can decide together) on notice that if he does show up drunk, he doesn't participate. 

    And if he needs to be taken out of the church/venue, then someone:  not you or your FI should be ready to do that.

    I don't think your request (demand ?) is an unreasonable one at all.  It's a matter of respect and appropriate behavior, IMO.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2010
    That sucks that this is something you are going to have to worry about but I don't think a conversation with the GM is necessary.  Just tell FI to make sure there is no drinking with his GM before the ceremony.  If FI doesn't take part of drinking before the ceremony and tells his GM that they should all hold off until after the ceremony (telling them the day of, not before so it doesn't seem like he's fathering them), the GM you're worried about may not be trashed during the ceremony.  Asking an alcoholic Not to drink is really an unrealistic expectation.  Just hope that he won't be trashed before hand.

    ETA: Like Trix said, maybe another GM can be asked to help out if the situation gets out of control.
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    Definitely something your FI needs to handle. I like the idea of someone else being aware of the issue should problems arise. And hopefully it doesn't even get to that and he is adult and can make a good decision for himself to not be drunk at the wedding.
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    If this guy can't keep his life in order, then a lecture from your FI isn't going to make him change his ways.

    Don't say anything about it. If he shows up to the ceremony drunk, then ask someone to escort him out. If he behaves for the ceremony but gets drunk to the point where he is truly making a scene (rather than just "having fun"), get the reception site staff to escort him out and put him in a cab.
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    I think that some guy friends could be asked to keep half an eye on him and escort him out if it gets too bad.  My sister's BF did that for her when she got too wasted at our wedding, and I had no idea that it happened until days later.  Just know that you guys will be pulled in 100 different directions by 100 different people to dance, talk, take photos, etc. so the odds of you 1) noticing anything or 2) being upset about it are very very small.  Like I said, I had no idea my sister got as smashed as she did until days after the wedding.  
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    Thank you everyone; I appreciate the great advice!
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