MOH Issues

MissSkitty

I am having issues with choosing a MOH. My first pick was going to then sprung on me she didn't want to. I was going to then choose my neighbor who has been in my life for a long time. Pretty much my second mother. (She's in her 40s and I am in my 20s if that matters) She then tells me that if I want someone else that she won't be mad. She said this because I recently made a new friend from my work, and we have connected on everything. I asked Girl 3 to be a BM already, but my neighbor hinted at me asking her to be my MOH. UGH! Why does this have to be so hard?

Do I ask my first pick again and see if she still doesn't want to?
Do I stick with my neighbor, who I already asked, but seems to think I should ask someone else?
Or,
Do I ask the girl from work who I barely know 6 months, but have so much fun with and we connect with so many different things?

saxy414

Your MOH should be the person who is closest to you.  If that's your neighbor, ask her.  I wouldn't ask the new girl, because you never know how that relationship might change, especially since you basically just met.  Wait, I just re-read.  You asked the neighbor, so stick with her.  It's rude to ask another person, even if she removes herself.  Then you would have no MOH, which is totally ok.

You, and only you, should be making the decision on who to be your MOH.  Neighbor should have no bearing on it. 

Also, I would stay away from thinking "first" and "second" and whatever else choices.  Honestly, after the first girl said no, I would have stopped there.  Any thing you do after that makes her feel replaceable and the other person possibly feel like a runner-up (though it doesn't seem to be that way with your neighbor, but you never know).  Why did your friend say no? 

emilyinchile

You already have your MOH - it's your neighbor. There are no "backsies" unless you want to be really rude. Even if she's saying she understands, it's probably one of those things where she's just saying it to be nice and she hopes you'll tell her that of course she's MOH, which is what you should do.

Out of curiousity, why didn't your friend want to be MOH?

MissSkitty

The first girl and I have know eachother for 15+ years and we used to be best friends. Recently though she has been becoming very distant. I asked her if she still wanted to be my MOH because it seemed like she had no intrest in doing any wedding stuff with me. Short answer, she said no because we are "drifting apart" and that she doesn't want to be standing up there when she really doesn't want too.

saxy414

I'm sure it sucked, but at least she was honest.  However, there really isn't any "wedding stuff" your MOH is required to do. Just get the dress and hold your flowers during the ceremony (which really, any BM can do).  Don't base your decision on how much your MOH will help you. 

Have you tried to talk to this girl beyond asking her to be MOH?  Maybe there is a way to repair the friendship.  If you're constantly talking weddings, that puts a huge strain on relationships.  Find out if you can work on this as a friendship issue--go out for coffee/a movie/a pedicure, without talking about the wedding.  She probably still won't be in the wedding, but you would still have her as a friend, if that's what you want.

Manwaithiel

I wouldn't have asked her "Do you want to be my MOH anymore?" She sounds insecure about the relationship anyway, and you questioning it like that probably is what caused her to say no.

Drifting apart is fine. If you drift apart, it's pretty much understood that they're not in the wedding. If they come back and express interest in returning to the wedding, fine, talk about that then.

I don't think you need to go chasing this girl down and try to make her your friend again, but I would apologize for asking if she wanted to step down and for any hurt feelings you most likely caused.

MissSkitty

I see her all the time. We work together and I don't talk about wedding stuff all the time. I try to hang out with her all the time but she's always busy ot seems. Or she just doesn't want to see me.

As for asking her to step down, I didn't ask her too. She chose to. I wanted her to be my MOH more than anything but she's the one who said she didn't want to do it anymore.

[Deleted User]

My sister is my MOH and I can't say she's been "gung ho" about my wedding plans...she's asked about BM dresses already (I'm over a year out!) but that's the only thing. I'm not upset about it and would NEVER ask her if she still wanted to be my MOH. I don't care what she does, as long as she's standing beside me when I say "I do" I'm good. I don't think the first girl really should have been asked that....but you shouldn't be going through MOHs like underwear. Pick one and stick with it.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:31ace65f-a37f-429a-bb59-3e1d95b82241Post:0347eb0c-72a5-476b-8837-4a6e275bb117">Re: MOH Issues</a>:
[QUOTE] but you shouldn't be going through MOHs like underwear. Pick one and stick with it.
Posted by BDoug713[/QUOTE]
Quote of the day.