Prego maid of honor dilemma!

heather122486

 I had a luch date with all my bms the other day, we all agreed to go and get them sized for their dresses in Jan. My wedding is April 16. except her she said there was no way in hell she was going to have a tape mesure being put around her in January. She is just going to order her dress the size she was before she got pregnant.  I tried to explain to her they can not add material to her dress they can only take it away, but she still swears up and down that she will be back to her normal size. She is due the end of Feb begning of March. do i just let her do what she wants and then have to order another dress that will fit or is there another way to reason with her.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:cd37c80a-348d-4a73-9371-94ff06d33956">Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE] I had a luch date with all my bms the other day, we all agreed to go and get them sized for their dresses in Jan. My wedding is April 16. except her she said there was no way in hell she was going to have a tape mesure being put around her in January. She is just going to order her dress the size she was before she got pregnant.  I tried to explain to her they can not add material to her dress they can only take it away, but she still swears up and down that she will be back to her normal size. She is due the end of Feb begning of March. do i just let her do what she wants and then have to order another dress that will fit or is there another way to reason with her.
Posted by heather122486[/QUOTE]

mbcdefg

She's paying for and wearing the dress. So she can figure it out herself.

She doesn't need you babysitting her for this.

tidetravel

My personal opinion is that she should order it 1 or 2 sizes larger than she was at the beginning of pregnancy, but that's just me.  She's an adult, and she'll have to live with the consequenses if she doesn't fit into her dress.  That being said, there are always options, other than adding more fabric to the dress.  If it doesn't fit, most dresses can be sized up or down 2 sizes without major alterations.  If it still doesn't fit after that, then she can get a corset back sewn in, or if it's already a corset back dress, have a larger modesty panel put in place.  It'll be up to her to pay for the alterations, though. 

heather122486

I am actually paying for half of all their dresses.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:ba17cfb4-b1b1-4deb-8eeb-fe8864341043">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am actually paying for half of all their dresses.
Posted by heather122486[/QUOTE]
That is neither here nor there.  It doesn't give you a license to micromanage.  

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:ba17cfb4-b1b1-4deb-8eeb-fe8864341043">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am actually paying for half of all their dresses.
Posted by heather122486[/QUOTE]

That's nice of you.  She's still an adult.  Treat her like one.

mbcdefg

If the dress doesn't fit by the wedding day, then SHE is responsible for either getting it altered to fit or losing the weight; finding a replacement dress on her own dime; looking foolish in an ill-fitting dress; or bowing out of the wedding party and attending as a guest. It's still not your problem, even if you're paying for half the dress. The decision is entirely up to her.

You're basing this all on a giant "IF." Just because she SAYS she's not going to order a certain size does in January not mean that she'll actually go through with it in January. Especially if she gets to the shop and gets measured and sees what's what. And even if she does order a too-small size, so what? It's not your problem and it's not a reflection on you if (again, big IF) she shows up to the wedding in a too-tight dress. Most reasonable women will not make themselves look like idiots for the sake of shaving off a dress size or two.

And like PPs said, re-consider having them all go and get measured at the same time. It's embarrassing enough having a stranger put a tape measure around you. Nevermind if a bunch of friends (and possibly other strangers) are standing right there and observing it. Of course someone will think about lying about her size if she's got an audience.

Tell them that they are free to get measured on their own time if they're more comfortable doing it that way, and then she will likely be more honest with herself about what size she truly needs.

aerinpegadrak

The one and only actual responsibility a bridesmaid has before the wedding is to get the dress.  Frankly, I think it's monumentally insulting if you can't trust her to even do that much right.  She's an adult.  Treat her like one.

And in the name of all that's holy, let them get fitted on their own time.  There's absolutely no reason for that to be a group event.  If you want some female bonding time, go see a movie or something.

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:5d9dea3b-96e4-433b-a67e-8f91591db83c">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]May I also add, OP, that spell check is a feature on TK and is built into many web browsers.  Spelling counts.  It's dilemma, not delima.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
I pronounced it in my head as di-lima.  It made me chuckle.

ashleiringo

I do a lot of sewing and costume work both personally and professionally and from that view point I have one piece of advice.  Have a polite discussion with the store doing the measuring (but do NOT badmouth your friend to them, you can't trust them not to repeat and you shouldn't be badmouthing anyway)... Explain the situation to them and remind them to explain to all of your bridesmaids that the gown sizes do not always match up to the girls real size. 

Say your friend is a size 6 and even if she gets back into a size 6 post baby (woohoo for her!), she may still be gown-sized at an 8 or even a 10!  Being pregnant means she can't be physically measured, so hopefully she has someone who is a comparable size who they can measure against.

As for her losing the baby weight, don't worry about it.  It is her struggle and I'm sure as much as you don't want to stress over her dress not fitting, neither does she nor will she want to look like she's wearing a dress too small --- she'll most likely bust her butt to fit in the dress, especially since she gave you her word. 

And as other people said, God for bid she has a medical issue or something and cannot lose the weight (assume it won't be a discipline issue, that is discouraging and will hurt her feelings) --- you can use some of the options other girls said, or she'll have to pay for a new dress (at least she's maid of honor and could wear something slightly different if totally necessary).

banana468

I would just say to her, "We can order the dress at this size but it's going to be on you to make any necessary changes if it doesn't fit."

Then trust her.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:8cd2c440-3348-49f3-8889-6def0e13ddb6">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prego maid of honor delima! : I pronounced it in my head as di-lima.  It made me chuckle.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]
You put de lima in de coconut and drink it on up...

ashleiringo

PS: did someone really just criticize someone for spelling?  Did you get what she was asking?  Then GET OVER IT. 

That's so rude --- be nice to each other on here.  Unless you have to defend yourself, keep the unnecessary criticism to yourself!

Also --- she said her and her bridesmaids agreed they'd get measured in January.  If they went with it, they worked it out, don't criticize that decision.  Besides, maybe they are all going sometime in January, not as a group or maybe they wanted to do it together to bond.  You can stil get sized privately.  Sheesh for being so catty and critical!

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:7069fea9-0e81-4e7b-ac8a-ba07efde5bf6">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]PS: did someone really just criticize someone for spelling?  Did you get what she was asking?  Then GET OVER IT.  That's so rude --- be nice to each other on here.  Unless you have to defend yourself, keep the unnecessary criticism to yourself! Also --- she said her and her bridesmaids agreed they'd get measured in January.  If they went with it, they worked it out, don't criticize that decision.  Besides, maybe they are all going sometime in January, not as a group or maybe they wanted to do it together to bond.  You can stil get sized privately.  Sheesh for being so catty and critical!
Posted by ashleiringo[/QUOTE]
<a href="http://www.cracked.com/article_18861_5-internet-life-lessons-parents-need-to-start-teaching-kids.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.cracked.com/article_18861_5-internet-life-lessons-parents-need-to-start-teaching-kids.html</a>

Lesson #5 is the relevant one here.

ashleiringo

Yeah okay I'm out of it if it's like this!

I don't have a spelling issue, but this isn't a professional board --- she isn't being graded or judged.  And she doesn't need lessons parents should teach their kids since she's already an adult.

And with that being said, I don't need to defend her, but I just think it speaks volumes to how girls make each other feel and as someone who motivates and encourages women as part of my volunteer activities, I feel compelled to mention it and not just sit around and watch it.  I'm not a goody two shoes, I do plenty of things wrong, just try to keep them from being things that are targeted at hurting other people's feelings when it isn't my job to say them!

bablingbrooke

Spelling is for everyday use, not just special occasions.  Glad we could clear that up

And seriously, take a chill pill.  If you're this sensitive, message boards in general probably aren't your cup of tea.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:a025e715-e463-4d60-b4f7-32f4eae34b86">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah okay I'm out of it if it's like this! I don't have a spelling issue, but this isn't a professional board --- <strong>she isn't being graded or judged</strong>.  And she doesn't need lessons parents should teach their kids since she's already an adult. And with that being said, I don't need to defend her, but I just think it speaks volumes to how girls make each other feel and as someone who motivates and encourages women as part of my volunteer activities, I feel compelled to mention it and not just sit around and watch it.  I'm not a goody two shoes, I do plenty of things wrong, just try to keep them from being things that are targeted at hurting other people's feelings when it isn't my job to say them!
Posted by ashleiringo[/QUOTE]
Sorry, but she clearly is being judged.  And if you don't like the fact that people will respond differently to an incorrectly spelled post than a correctly spelled one, I advise that you reach around to the back of your computer and pull out that fat little cable that looks kind of like a phone cord, because the Internet is clearly not the place for you.

heather122486

and to clarify my main post the BMs  are going to get sized separately for their dresses bc  all of our schedules are different .They had all agreed  at first ( before finding out the MOH was pregnant) to get sized together because their dresses are all the same color and length but different styles. and THEY suggested it to be done together.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:059ee9a2-a7c5-4cbe-8a27-c07b0d2160a1">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]and to clarify my main post the BMs  are going to get sized separately for their dresses bc  all of our schedules are different .They had all agreed  at first ( before finding out the MOH was pregnant) to get sized together because their dresses are all the same color and length but different styles. and THEY suggested it to be done together.
Posted by heather122486[/QUOTE]
So if they're all getting sized separately, trust her to get a dress that fits.  She has time, trust her to get it done.  Your BFFs aren't out to get you, so stop acting like they are.  There are things you can control, and things you can't.  This is one of the things you can't.  So don't try.  You'll be much happier for it.

banana468

Ashleringo, I agree that there are nicer ways to tell someone about the spelling error.

However on any forum, spelling is important.  Poor spelling or grammar make posts more difficult to read.

I appreciate that you are jumping to the OP's defense but keep in mind that in your own tone, you're coming across as being quite critical of others. That doesn't seem to be practicing what you're preaching.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:a025e715-e463-4d60-b4f7-32f4eae34b86">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah okay I'm out of it if it's like this! I don't have a spelling issue, but this isn't a professional board --- she isn't being graded or judged.  And she doesn't need lessons parents should teach their kids since she's already an adult.

Posted by ashleiringo[/QUOTE]


Since when is society so proud of going around looking and sounding like idiots because of the way they speak and spell?

"It's not school so it doesn't matter." This is so freaking lazy. Why bother going to school at all, then, if you're not going to give a shiit in real life?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:d7d45702-83bc-4300-8e03-d1582b20139a">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prego maid of honor delima! : Since when is society so proud of going around looking and sounding like idiots because of the way they speak and spell? "It's not school so it doesn't matter." This is so freaking lazy. Why bother going to school at all, then, if you're not going to give a shiit in real life?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
AMEN!  We're talking about elementary-level education here.  Things everyone learns by age 10.  

frogurt814

I don't understand why OP wants prego BM to get measured while she is prego.  She's not going to be that size after the baby.  That makes NO sense! 

It's really up to BM what size dress she orders.  If she thinks she'll need a little bigger of a dress...order up a size or two from her normal.  Would getting measured while prego really be an accurate sizing of a dress she needs?

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:82d59949-c835-4a43-ad0f-2b4036120aa5">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prego maid of honor delima! : It's also in my siggy :)
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Epic.</div>

LD1970

Won't the dress shop just advise the MOH as to how she should gauge sizing?  This isn't the first time they've had a pregnant woman shopping for a wedding, I'm sure.

naomikb

What is a delima?

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:041734a0-234e-448a-ac08-cadb8d867530">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]What is a delima?
Posted by naomikb[/QUOTE]
THANK YOU.  I'm clearly not the only one who found it distracting.

lindzi375

Wow, I'm sorry but everybody responding to Heather sounds like they are pissed at the world. She was simply asking a question. I stumbled upon this board because I also have a pregnant bridesmaid due around the time of my wedding and was wanting advice on ordering a dress for her and what not. But nevermind! I'm soo happy this isn't my regular board. You all sound ridiculous!

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_prego-maid-of-honor-delima?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:32f75593-bb5e-4b98-8cee-ea35bf9c5a9fPost:bca19058-ec2a-44ca-9503-cd263b95934f">Re: Prego maid of honor delima!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I'm sorry but everybody responding to Heather sounds like they are pissed at the world. She was simply asking a question. I stumbled upon this board because I also have a pregnant bridesmaid due around the time of my wedding and was wanting advice on ordering a dress for her and what not. But nevermind! I'm soo happy this isn't my regular board. You all sound ridiculous!
Posted by lindzi375[/QUOTE]
I'm happy this isn't your regular board, either, since you just "stopped by" to insult everyone and offer nothing of substance.  It's very rude.

heather122486

Sorry i made a mistake in my spelling there also is such thing as human error.  i will be honest i was not sure of the correct spelling. Spell Check on TK however does not check the subject line. When i did spell check it said there were no errors so i just figured it was spelt right.