Sister drama (need to vent)

Shellipuppy

My sister is a bridesmaid in my wedding & in November she broke up with her boyfriend (who also happens to be a friend of my fiance). I knew that she wasn't doing well with the break-up, from things i had heard in our circle of friends, but she never said anything to me. She waited until 2 days after I mailed out invitations then calls and tells me that if said man was at  the wedding neither her nor her son would be there.
My response was to tell her firstly she was being selfish & there would be over 200 people there she could avoid him. And secondly maybe this is information she should/could have discussed with me BEFORE I mailed out invites & I could have arranged something. But i felt that waiting until after the invites were mailed that she was threatening me & trying to get attention & cause drama.
In the end my amazing fiance went and spoke to his buddy & asked him not to come to the wedding. Which the guy stated he hadn't planned on it b/c of the situation. But I feel like this is a situation we should not of had to deal with, we are in our 30s.
It makes me very angry at my sister for trying to make the day about her & also b/c i feel like she threw a temper tantrum & got her way.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-drama-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:339f96e0-f1ca-4d46-958f-af9c659b921fPost:bb31372d-1fe8-42f0-a948-d12fea0f246c">Sister drama (need to vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister is a bridesmaid in my wedding & in November she broke up with her boyfriend (who also happens to be a friend of my fiance). I knew that she wasn't doing well with the break-up, from things i had heard in our circle of friends, but she never said anything to me. She waited until 2 days after I mailed out invitations then calls and tells me that if said man was at  the wedding neither her nor her son would be there. My response was to tell her firstly she was being selfish & there would be over 200 people there she could avoid him. And secondly maybe this is information she should/could have discussed with me BEFORE I mailed out invites & I could have arranged something. But i felt that waiting until after the invites were mailed that she was threatening me & trying to get attention & cause drama. In the end my amazing fiance went and spoke to his buddy & asked him not to come to the wedding. Which the guy stated he hadn't planned on it b/c of the situation. But I feel like this is a situation we should not of had to deal with, we are in our 30s. It makes me very angry at my sister for trying to make the day about her & also b/c i feel like she threw a temper tantrum & got her way.
Posted by Shellipuppy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm looking for the temper tantrum, but I sure don't see it.  </div><div>
</div><div>"I'm not going to come if my recent ex is going to be there" is not unreasonable, especially after a bad breakup that she's not doing well with.  One would think that a considerate sister would have thought about this when making her guestlist and would have approached her sister about it without having to be asked.  
</div><div>
</div><div>No, you didn't have to change your guestlist to fit her, but acting like she's terrible for not wanting to be around her ex if she's not doing well is pretty dramatic, too.  </div>

TiffannieF

Sorry to say this but your sister is a little ridiculous.  SO many people threatened my brother that they wouldn't come to the wedding if they couldn't do whatever it was they wanted (including our own father) but they all came and they all had a great time. 

She would have still come.  I would have ignored her and just told her "Don't worry about it" if she tried bringing up anymore I would have just changed the subject.

That's absolutely horrible that this guy was uninvited...so now he is dealing with a break up and a friend that is uninviting him...that sucks.  I would have just NOT put him on the guest list in the first place if I knew my sister was going through a hard break up.

I don't think she is trying to make the day about herself...I've been through bad break ups and the last thing I would want is to go to a wedding when I just went through a bad break up plus the ex will be there (possibly with a new date).

On a "kind of" similar note.  My MOH and her room mate (whom I was friends with) had a really big fight a couple months before invites went out (for both shower and wedding).  Well I never got an RSVP for the wedding from the room mate (nor did my shower host).  I called the room mate and she said she never received it...so I guess my MOH just threw them away when they came in...oh totally effed up is that?! lol

lb1212

I think you have a wonderful FI to have asked his friend not to attend his wedding.  Your sister's ex/ FI's friend sounds like a pretty decent guy for already planning on skipping the wedding so he wouldn't cause drama.  I'm sorry your sister is hurting. 

Personally, 2/3 of my BMs are divorcing.  This happened after I asked & they agreed to be in my wedding. I asked if they wanted to back out, 100% no hard feelings and they declined. I'm sure that, as happy as they are for me, the wedding will be bittersweet. I would ask you to think about having someone your sister is close with, to be on "stand-by" in case she needs some extra support on your wedding day. Best wishes!

marryingafootballcoach

One of my really good friends was a bridesmaid in a wedding last year--- It was for her ex-SIL... & her ex-husband was one of the GM.  The divorce wasn't even final when the wedding happened, and they both attended all the the pre-wedding activities.  Your sister needs to grow up.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-drama-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:339f96e0-f1ca-4d46-958f-af9c659b921fPost:b001896d-9bcc-42a6-aacc-a43210584747">Re: Sister drama (need to vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Sister drama (need to vent) : I'm looking for the temper tantrum, but I sure don't see it.   <strong>"I'm not going to come if my recent ex is going to be there" is not unreasonable</strong>, especially after a bad breakup that she's not doing well with.  One would think that a considerate sister would have thought about this when making her guestlist and would have approached her sister about it without having to be asked.   No, you didn't have to change your guestlist to fit her, but acting like she's terrible for not wanting to be around her ex if she's not doing well is pretty dramatic, too.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

It is when the ex is a friend of the groom.  So he should have to uninvite his friend just because the sister can't be an adult and see him in social functions where they are both a part of the same circle?  Unless he cheated on her, beat her, or was otherwise inappropriate, an emotional breakup shouldn't mean that you have to choose between the two parties involved.

JCurlee82

I don't blame you a bit, I'd be mad too. My sister is getting married this October, and my ex is a groomsman. I was almost stuck walking with him, which was my only objection, but I would NEVER have asked her or her fiancee to uninvite him (even if he was just a guest.) Your sister was out of line, and should have been a bit more sensitive to the situation. We all go through difficult breakups, but as an adult, you find a way to work around it. I was in a friends' wedding in 2009, in which I, and another girl each had ex-boyfriends in the wedding party, and another bridesmaid and groomsman had recently divorced. We all knew the deal, we had all come to terms with it, and acted like adults throughout the entire event. That's the way it should be!

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-drama-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:339f96e0-f1ca-4d46-958f-af9c659b921fPost:b7338bf5-33dd-48d3-8890-87785d33ea63">Re: Sister drama (need to vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister drama (need to vent) : It is when the ex is a friend of the groom.  So he should have to uninvite his friend just because the sister can't be an adult and see him in social functions where they are both a part of the same circle?  Unless he cheated on her, beat her, or was otherwise inappropriate, an emotional breakup shouldn't mean that you have to choose between the two parties involved.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

<div>Like I said, she doesn't have to change her guest list.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's still not unreasonable for the sister to feel that way, especially after recent bad breakup.  </div><div>
</div><div>I find it surprising that a sister wouldn't be a little more understanding and compassionate of her sister's feelings.  I'm sure the sister would be a lot more likely to get over it and realize that it isn't a big deal if OP understood and was there for her instead of reacting that she's dramatic and trying to ruin her wedding.  </div><div>
</div><div>Not everything is about who is right and who is wrong.</div>

ajmom2two

How was she unsupportive/unsympathetic towards her sister? She had her FI uninvite the guy, which is extremely rude, for her sister. Her sister is still acting like a baby I'd be upset with her too.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sister-drama-need-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:339f96e0-f1ca-4d46-958f-af9c659b921fPost:dea17cfb-26a8-4719-b010-87d0a9180f5e">Re:Sister drama need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]How was she unsupportive/unsympathetic towards her sister? She had her FI uninvite the guy, which is extremely rude, for her sister. Her sister is still acting like a baby I'd be upset with her too.
Posted by ajmom2two[/QUOTE]

<div>"<span style="background-color:#ffffff;color:#0000ff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">My response was to tell her firstly she was being selfish"</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;color:#0000ff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">
</span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;"><font color="#000000">I don't know how much more unsupportive you can get.  It's not like this is some guy she dated for two weeks in high school.  This is a guy that OP acknowledges was a recent and particularly rough break up.  I honestly don't know a single person that <em>would</em> want to see the ex in this position.  </font></span></div><div><span style="background-color:#ffffff;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;"><font color="#000000">
</font></span></div><div><font face="Arial" color="#000000"><span style="font-size:12px;">Obviously, un-inviting him was the wrong thing to do.  My point is that the sister's desire to avoid him is to be expected and that OP didn't need to be so nasty to the sister.  If she hadn't, she probably could have resolved this without having to be rude to the friend.  She should have acknowledged this sister's pain and feelings, comforted her a little bit, and explained that she'd seat him on the other side of the room and do whatever she needed to make sure they had no/minimal contact.  </span></font></div>

ajmom2two

I dont know, its been like 8 months.  I have had some pretty rough break ups but its not like they just broke up.  Sometimes you have to see your ex at events.  Its part of being a grown and I think she is being ridiculous.  Who better to tell you the truth than your own sister?  Just my opinion though.  

Shellipuppy

I realize that no one has any idea the background b/t my sister & I, only what I have posted on here. 
But i do not feel like I am being insensitive at all! Our past has always been a bit rocky, so in the very beginning i asked her privately if being a BM was something she would even want to do. And she acted shocked that i would think she didn't.
She is my sister, who seriously threatened not to come to my wedding over a guy she has dated & broken up with too many times to count. We are in our 30s not teens!
Also her actions have been unacceptable from threatening not to show, to getting drunk & taking BM's dress to saidguy's house & throwing at him telling him his new gf could wear it since she (my sister) wasn't going to be able to go.
Now i have defused the situation with the ex (thanks to my amazing fiance) & we are 11 days out, i find out her dress is too tight (like will not zip) & she hasn't even attempted to get it pressed even though she told me that had happened over a month ago. When i ask if she doesn't want to be part of my wedding, she says of course she does.
Really b/c you're not acting like it.