Expensive BM dress- need advice

renee.himes.osu

Please give me advice.  (It is long so free to skip to the 2 last paragraphs; the rest is background info.)

 

We are down to 3 dresses: Bill Levkoff 376, 526, and 910.  They are the favorites of my girls, now I need to pick one.  My girls are large, thin, tall, short, big boobs, small boobs, and normal.  They all want the gathering to hide the stomach and straps- which all 3 provide.

 

910 looks the best on all of the girls.  It gives shape to my thinest and hides the problem ares on all my other girls.  It doesn’t look like a typical BM dress and matches the formality of my wedding.  But it is the most expensive by far!  Causing some girls (and I don’t blame them) to be hesitant about making it their favorite.

 

376 and 526 are much more affordable, and thus favorites.  The larger girls like 376, but it make the thin girls look very wide.  526 is stunning on my thin girls, but the mermaid style is just inappropriate for larger girls.  (The dresses aren’t similar enough, even in the same color, for me to have 2 dresses- I think I am just too OCD about it.)

 

Due to scheduling conflicts and 2 girls living out of state- we haven’t been able to shop together.  So the girls can’t see how the dresses look on each other- even though I try to share the positives and negatives with everyone.

 

Basically- I know 910 will look the best on everyone.  I don’t want my girls to spend a ton of money on a dress that will look bad on them.  But it is hard to convince them to spend more money for everyone to look great, when they go shopping alone (or with just me).  I want everyone to look great and be happy- without spending a ton of money.

 

I am not requiring them to buy matching shoes or jewelry.  I am not having them spend money on the showers or bachelorette party.  I know buying the dress from the same place will bring down costs (from $260 to $202).  But how else can I bring down the cost?  My best idea is to prepay the dress shop $20 for each dress to bring the price to $180 (which I know the girls will accept).  But since paying for part of the dress is considered tacky- my plan is to not tell them and just lie.  (“I got my wedding dress there so they agreed to take off another $20!”)  Is this a good idea?  Any suggestions? THANKS!!!!

 

Renee

saisongbird

Did you ask them, individually, for their budgets ahead of time?  If you didn't, that's problem #1.

If they're balking at the prices, you either a) haven't found the dress yet, or b) have to pay for a portion of their dress for them.

ohwhynot

Why would paying for part of each dress be considered tacky?  I think it's a nice gesture and if it makes the dress affordable, then go for it. 

bablingbrooke

You can either (1) pay for a portion or (2) find something else.  That's it.  There is no nice way to ask people to pay more money than they are comfortable with.  I find it hard to believe there is only one dress in the whole world that will look good on all of them.  

mbcdefg

It's nice that you want the dress to be affordable, but you went about it a bit backwards. Don't just pick a price and assume/hope that they can all afford it.

Like PP said, talk to each of them privately and ask what she wants to spend on a dress. Then pick a dress in that price range, or chip in some money yourself to each girl in order to bring the price down.

And, no, you paying for part of the dress is NOT tacky. Who told you that is was? That is the best solution if you know that their budgets are $180.

aerinpegadrak

Paying for part of the dress is definitely not tacky.  If you're dead set on this dress and it's out of their price range, chipping in toward it is absolutely the best plan of action.  My MOH is having issues finding a dress in her size and price range, so I'm probably going to help her out financially.  Nothing wrong with that.

MyNameIsNot

If you want a dress outside of their budgets, you pay the different.  It's that simple. 

Showers, b-parites, shoes, etc are all optional, so that doesn't matter.

renee.himes.osu

Thanks for the advice girls!  I read somewhere on the knot that paying for part of the dress was tacky- but it seems like the overwhelming opinion is that it isn't- so that is exactly what I will do.

As for the budget- all girls are willing to pay for the expensive dress- they would just prefer to pay less (can you blame them?!).  Our goal was $200- which I can get with the 25% discount- but taxes will push the dress over $200- which is why I wanted to knock it down to at least $180.  (Chicago has high taxes)

Thanks again for all your advice!

emilyinchile

Ask each girl for her budget and her favorite dress regardless of price, so that you can get an idea of what kind of dress to look for if you need to keep looking. I would say that part, so that if they really do like the most expensive one best but are worried about you picking it, they'll still tell you their true feelings.

If they all like that dress best (or like it enough to wear it, and you like it best), then ask them each to pay whatever the lowest price range was, and make up the difference for each of them.

gottahavashorti

Offer to pay the difference.  Also check out the cost if they were to order from Pearl's Place, RK Bridal or Netbride.  They're all legitimate retailers who allow online/phone orders with big discounts.  It's possible that it could be under $200 through one of those places.

emilyinchile

Just saw your post. It makes it sound like you guys already agreed that $200 was ok for everyone? In that case I'd just say "I love this dress, but I also love you guys and respect what we agreed on. I'd really like to pay anything over $200 so that you can all get this dress without breaking your budgets."

aerinpegadrak

Yeah, I'm with Em, I don't think you need to dance around paying for it.  Just say, "I know this dress is a little more than we agreed on, so I'm happy to cover the difference."  Do you think they'd have a problem with you contributing?  Some people have a hard time accepting financial help, so the only reason I think you'd need to pretend that you found a better price is if they might get insulted if you help pay.

mbcdefg

My local board was actually discussing something like this recently. A lot of girls said, "I don't mind paying a bit more for something, but I get angry when the bride just picks out something and never gets my input on it. Even if it's something that's actually affordable for me." They said the same for when the MOH plans the shower herself ... "I don't mind chipping in for a shower, and maybe kicking in a bit more if we find a cool place/food that everyone loves, but I get mad when she just plans it all herself and then tells us what we owe."

So, food for thought. I'm certainly not saying that BMs should HAVE TO pony up extra cash for something nice, but the point is that most people appreciate the communication and some might even be willing to spend the extra money. I personally wouldn't mind forking over an extra $20 if the dress was especially nice and the bride was upfront about everything and asked for my honest opinion ... but I'm also in a place right now where $20 extra isn't a big problem. Not everyone is, however. (Although something like $50-100+, when I'm planning and paying for my own wedding right now, might be a dealbreaker to me).

So the point is, talk to them and be upfront. They will appreciate it. And I'm sure none of them would find the extra $20 from you to be tacky. I would certainly appreciate it as a BM.

banana468

Ditto Malphabet exactly.

krmabojo

I would say since they are ALL the most comfortable in the 910, get the 910. BUT sicne you said some girls are iffy on the price, then you will have to pay for the difference. Ask them all what their budget is and pay the rest.

It also helps they can wear their own shoes and jewerly.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm paying 100% of my BM's dresses, so I hope it isn't tacky.

Look at houseofbrides.com and see how much the dresses are there. Sometimes they are quite cheap.

Edit: They have it for $154 plus insurance and shipping:

http://www.houseofbrides.com/bill-levkoff-bridesmaid-dress-style-910-p-4-8-8336.aspx

When I went through the site, it ended up being $180 and some change with everything included, to ship it to me, in California. Either inform your girls about the site, or buy all their dresses and have them reimburse you.

rainedrop6

Renee,
   My girls are also wearing Bill Levkoff 910. They are also different shapes and sizes and this dress looks stunning on all 4 of them, including my 7.5 month pregnant MOH (she'll be 8.5 at wedding). All 4 girls feel this dress is worth the price, it is so flattering. I would try and negotiate the price though because every shop I went to (and I went to or called every shop in a 90 mile radius of my city and the dress always ranged from $225-$235, never $260. I found a shop 30 miles away that offered a 20% discount on the $235 price and we purchased them November 7th for $188 and they came in January 22 (just to give you a time frame for ordering).

bablingbrooke

This site has it for $195:

http://www.bestbridalprices.com/bill-levkoff-bridesmaid-dresses-style-910-p-29975.html

lalap69

I think the "it's tacky if you pay towards the BM's dresses" thing comes from some brides doing that as the BP's gifts.  If you contribute towards the cost of the dresses, you still need to get your BMs a present because the dresses are for your wedding and therefore not a real gift.

Aside from that, another option for you to consider though might be to do all 3 styles of dresses and let the girls choose whichever they like.  The styles are similar and complementary so they'd probably look really good together.

Anyway it sounds like you've come to a solution you're happy with.  I hope it works out for you.

swim1011

Everyone else is right, I just wanted to add that I saw pics from a friend's wedding on FB, and her BMs wore 910.  It's beautiful, and looked nice on everyone.  I was actually wondering who the designer was, even though we already ordered my girls' dresses already.  It's a great choice- don't feel bad about helping pay for it.  I'm sure your BMs will appreciate it!

renee.himes.osu

Thanks again for everyone's advice.  If I was to pay 100% of the cost, I thought it would be generous, but to pay only a small portion seemed like I was calling them cheap.  You girls are right; my BMs will appreciate it.  (and I won't count it toward their BM gifts that I will give at the rehearsal- because that would be tacky)

Also- I like all the advice about shopping around more.  I just assumed the price was what it was and places can only discount so much - but the prices you guys were seeing (and the one girl paid for her Bill Levkoff 910) were much lower!

Thanks again!

renee.himes.osu

So- if anyone is curious about the conclusion.  I picked 910 and my BMs have all told me privately (well don't worry about my $20- just pay for the other girls).  They all think it was super sweet of me, but they would rather pay for the dress themselves.  So my goal is to really price hunt to get it down to $185-ish or just pay in the store ahead of time to get it to that $.

Thanks again for all of the advice.