Having your husband-to-be's best friend in the wedding party...along with his ex fiance...???

lindseyetinger

Is it a normal situation that the bride asks her fiance's best friend's ex-fiance to stand up on her side...when the best friend is also standing up? The bride hasn't even been friends with the ex-fiance very long, and the groom and best friend have been friends since they were 3 years old. The best friend and ex-fiance are on very bad terms, and the best friend is now in a very serious relationship with a new girl. The ex-fiance has been known to cause a lot of drama and make things miserable for people...
Is this a normal situation? It just seems kind of twisted...
I'm the best friend's sister, and he's really torn on whether he should be a good friend and stand up in the wedding, risking hurting his soon-to-be fiance and making things very uncomfortable for her and the ex-fiance...or if he should politely decline, because of the circumstances?...

HobokensFury

I would think it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.  But then again my cousin is having HER ex-fiance as a groomsman in her wedding.  I find that weird.

Maggie0829

As far as the brides choice...it is up to her on who to ask to be in her wedding party.  It should not matter how long she has known someone but it should be based on who she feels closest to.

As for the best man.  He should act like an adult and support his friend.  It sounds like he has moved on with his life and should act accordingly.  Just because they are in the wedding party together does not mean that he will have to spend all evening with his ex-fiance.  In fact, he does not even have to speak with her if he so chooses.  But I find it very ridiculous that he would even consider not being in the wedding and/or even going to the wedding just because his ex will be there.  Everyone needs to learn to act like adults for one night.

lindseyetinger

It's a destination wedding...so if the groom's best friend isn't even allowed to bring his soon to be fiance, because the bride feels it's uncomfortable for her friend (the ex-fiance)...it's still a matter about the best friend growing up, and it's not a matter that maybe his best friend of over 25 years doesn't have the guts to say this is awkward...for everyone....?

Kimmyznc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-your-husband-to-bes-best-friend-in-the-wedding-partyalong-with-his-ex-fiance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:35084188-5619-4b40-91fb-80e3f3267297Post:4ec87097-70ca-4810-848d-932f5a4dda8b">Re: Having your husband-to-be's best friend in the wedding party...along with his ex fiance...???</a>:
[QUOTE]It's a destination wedding...so if the groom's best friend isn't even allowed to bring his soon to be fiance, because the bride feels it's uncomfortable for her friend (the ex-fiance)...it's still a matter about the best friend growing up, and it's not a matter that maybe his best friend of over 25 years doesn't have the guts to say this is awkward...for everyone....?
Posted by lindseyetinger[/QUOTE]


Huh? Well the groom's friend should be allowed to bring his SO regardless of anything.

mbcdefg

What?

lstruggles

Well, I'd have your bro call his friend to talk to him about it.  Maybe the bride and groom to be can talk to her and make sure she knows it's to be civil and ask that she please respect them in their wedding by not causing any drama? That's a start at least....

Chels&Jimmy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-your-husband-to-bes-best-friend-in-the-wedding-partyalong-with-his-ex-fiance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:35084188-5619-4b40-91fb-80e3f3267297Post:f187e25f-9ae1-47c0-9114-745ca02bab81">Re:Having your husbandtobe's best friend in the wedding party...along with his ex fiance...???</a>:
[QUOTE]What?
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's exactly what I was thinking...

</div>

bonge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-your-husband-to-bes-best-friend-in-the-wedding-partyalong-with-his-ex-fiance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:35084188-5619-4b40-91fb-80e3f3267297Post:aa8b835d-881e-4b7e-9dca-29fd18da86ec">Re: Having your husband-to-be's best friend in the wedding party...along with his ex fiance...???</a>:
[QUOTE]As far as the brides choice...it is up to her on who to ask to be in her wedding party.  It should not matter how long she has known someone but it should be based on who she feels closest to. As for the best man.  He should act like an adult and support his friend.  It sounds like he has moved on with his life and should act accordingly.  Just because they are in the wedding party together does not mean that he will have to spend all evening with his ex-fiance.  In fact, he does not even have to speak with her if he so chooses.  But I find it very ridiculous that he would even consider not being in the wedding and/or even going to the wedding just because his ex will be there.  Everyone needs to learn to act like adults for one night.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Normally i would agree with this but she already said the ex-fiance is a drama queen & likely to cause a scene that would embarass everyone. While he can control his actions he can't control hers so i can see why he would be worried.

If i were the best friend i would talk to the groom & let him know how uncomfortable & awkward i would be with the situation. If i were the groom i would have never put my best friend into that situation as i am sure the bride & groom talked over their wp's with each other.

I have two ex's in our wp but they will not walk together, be beside each other or anything. They are civil on a normal basis though because they have children together. No chance of them getting back together but his wife has been watching him like a hawk (she is very jealous) & i know she will want to be there for pics (we are only having bp, no spouses until family pics) but i have to draw a line somewhere or will end up with the whole family there.